Halarious quotes by Comedians

[Hellion]

:devil

"Standing ovations have become far too complicated,what we need are ovations,where the audience member's punch and kick one another"

"May the forces of evil become confused,on the way to your house"

"I am completely in favor of separation of church and state,these two institutions screw us up on their own,so both of them together is certain death"

"Trust your fellow American with a bullet"

"Honesty may be the best policy,but its important to remember,that appaerently by elimination,Dishonesty is second best."

"Think of how stupid the average person is,and realize how half of them are even stupider than that"

"Have you ever noticed?anybody going slower than you is an idiot.Anyone going faster than you is a moron"

"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die,your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck"

[phee]

"I don't have to tell you about scuba diving.... so that will save some time"

[BillyDeath]

"Ward weren't you a little hard on the Beaver last night"

[phee]

"I got some new underwear last night... well new to me anyway"

[DJ Nocker]

"Fuck shoes"

[SpidersMoment]

Nobody likes Monopoly, cuz this is everybody after 2 hours of playing BOOM "FUCK THIS GAME!!! It's 4 in the morning, grandma YOU WIN!"

[Medea]

Nobody likes Monopoly, cuz this is everybody after 2 hours of playing BOOM "FUCK THIS GAME!!! It's 4 in the morning, grandma YOU WIN!"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Where'd you get the pink 50s, grandma? I hate when you're the banker - don't touch me grandpa. Nana is a cheating whore.