Dilemma

[Der Nister]

Recently I found out that my daughter has a myspace profile which, isn't too much of an issue with me. She has it set to private and her mom seems to be doing a good job of screening (seems being the optimal word here).

But then I found out that on her friends list is one of my ex girlfriends and that is what I have issues with. This woman was not exactly the kindest to her while we were dating ( it's alot to explain). But I would rather she (the ex) not have any contact with my daughter.

So I feel that I can't just tell my daughter to take her off her list ( again, it's alot to explain ) but that I should contact said ex and nicely ask her to please stop having contact with my daughter ( I would hope that she will understand my feelings ).

Is this wrong?

I don't feel it is but I do realize it might cause issues and I'm really trying to avoid that.

[pharoh]

No I don't think thats unreasonable, Either way she is the child and your the adult. Ask her nicely and I am sure she won't have a problem with that.

[Paper Hearts]

Yeah, I would just do what you were thinking. Nothing wrong with it.

[Gauge]

actually i would talk to your daughter. let her know your concerns but leave it up to her as to what to do. itll earn you major brownie ponits with her and the outcome will probably be better than if you talk to the ex. if things with her were really that bad theres a decent chance she might completely throw away everything you said to her and try to get an in with your daughter if for no other reason than to try to fuck with her. if you talk to your daughter i just think theres more of a chance that either she will take your ex off or at least be more cautious if she is aware of her true nature

[BrassFusion]

Both solutions sound okay, depending on the age (maturity + common sense) of your daughter.

[pharoh]

actually i would talk to your daughter. let her know your concerns but leave it up to her as to what to do. itll earn you major brownie ponits with her and the outcome will probably be better than if you talk to the ex. if things with her were really that bad theres a decent chance she might completely throw away everything you said to her and try to get an in with your daughter if for no other reason than to try to fuck with her. if you talk to your daughter i just think theres more of a chance that either she will take your ex off or at least be more cautious if she is aware of her true nature

Hell with that, yell at her and if she doesn't comply, beat her with a rubber hose

[Gauge]

Hell with that, yell at her and if she doesn't comply, beat her with a rubber hose

hehe i know your jokeing but all im saying is that i was a teenage daughter once not to long ago and i know if my dad went about something like that by talking to me about it first i wouldve taken it a lot better than finding out he was talking to people behind my back

[pharoh]

hehe i know your jokeing but all im saying is that i was a teenage daughter once not to long ago and i know if my dad went about something like that by talking to me about it first i wouldve taken it a lot better than finding out he was talking to people behind my back

Very True

[Der Nister]

Lots of good advice here people thanks (aside from pharoh's rule with an iron fist post).

[Msterbeau]

(aside from pharoh's rule with an iron fist post).

I'll take care of my bitch's big mouth next time I see him.

I hope I'm never in your situation with my two... But I'd say Guage's advice is sound. The age of the child always has to be taken into account with this stuff. Something you might do for a 14 year old is not the same approach for an 8 year old.

[torn asunder]

beat her with a rubber hose

rubber hose!?

Luxury!! :erm

We used to have to get out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a handful of hot gravel, go to work at the mill every day for tuppence a month, come home, and Dad would beat us around the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were LUCKY!

[creatureofthenyte]

I would say definitely talk to your daughter about that. Also, try to maintain a civilized mood the whole time while talkin to her about it. Sometimes, its not what you say, but How you say it, that can make all the difference.

[Fierce Critter]

I think Gauge has great advice there. Especially since talking with the ex might not work if they're someone of the irrational ilk.

Some people just can't seem to understand when their input/presence is more counterproductive than necessary. Sometimes they do it out of some strange sense of self-gratification. A selfishness they see as somehow them being the reasonable/forgiving/mature/insert-egoism-here person, whereas what they're really doing is making someone else uncomfortable just to bolster their own ego. No matter how much a person tells them, "what you are doing is upsetting me, please just let me be", they might still persist out of some irrational, incorrect need to be the "right" person there.

If this is a one-on-one situation, that can be dealt with much easier. But in the case of the contact person being your daughter, it gets trickier to do something like Gauge wisely suggests. Especially if you're trying to take "the high road" and not spread your own personal feelings/knowledge about the negatives you're experienced with in relation to your ex.

Good luck on this one. It's good that you're concerned for your daughter like this.

[Der Nister]

I think Gauge has great advice there. Especially since talking with the ex might not work if they're someone of the irrational ilk.

That is an understatement if there ever was one.

Some people just can't seem to understand when their input/presence is more counterproductive than necessary. Sometimes they do it out of some strange sense of self-gratification. A selfishness they see as somehow them being the reasonable/forgiving/mature/insert-egoism-here person, whereas what they're really doing is making someone else uncomfortable just to bolster their own ego. No matter how much a person tells them, "what you are doing is upsetting me, please just let me be", they might still persist out of some irrational, incorrect need to be the "right" person there.

This is my daughters mom completely. She has had a controlling personality since our daughter was born. She has some twisted idea that she controls not only her (our girl) but me as well. It's always a lose/lose situation no matter what I do.

If this is a one-on-one situation, that can be dealt with much easier. But in the case of the contact person being your daughter, it gets trickier to do something like Gauge wisely suggests. Especially if you're trying to take "the high road" and not spread your own personal feelings/knowledge about the negatives you're experienced with in relation to your ex.

You nailed it here too FC. With both of the "adults" (meaning my daughters mom and the ex gf) I've only taken the high road and NOT shared my bad exp. with them to my daughter. But as one can expect from two very inmature females they've been trashing my name to everyone that has two ears. The ex gf has the nerve to tell people how nice a person she is while stabbing my back ---- that's what good people do????

It's good that you're concerned for your daughter like this.

I'll never get any credit from them but thank you for having good sense enough to reconize my efforts.

[Homicidalheathen]

Jesus H christ get that nutty bitch off your daughters profile for sure!

Everyone knows most people go in there to find romance.....

And if she was mean to her before and is your ex why the fuck did she add a minor????

It would freak me out.

I would ask the kid to delete and block her then call the ex and threaten something if she doesn't leave my kid alone.