To Parents Doing The Every-other-weekend Schedule

[Onyx]

My ex and I alternate weekends with the children. I am wondering how others handle it when non-kid-friendly things come up on the weekend you have your children.

I just can not bring myself to use a babysitter on my weekend with them, even for a few hours, because I feel like they grow up far too soon to lose too much time with them. That means I miss out on most DGN events and anything else that happens to come up. Occasionally I switch weekends if I can work it out, but I hate to mess with the schedule too much because I feel like that's hard on them to have things changing all the time.

I doubt I'll change the way I do things, but was wondering how others handle these situations in their families.

[Msterbeau]

My ex and I are pretty flexible with that sort of stuff. I'm like you.... I tend not to do things with others if it means spending time away from the kidson my weekend... but there have been occasions where we'll swap a day, or like this weekend... it's my 40th birthday... she said she'd take the girls for the evening if I wabnted to go out and party. I do... so she did.

[Rayne]

... My exs are two total opposite extremes ...

however, my nice ex even will get mad at me if I don't have the kids when I am supposed to if I am sick or something beyond my control.

My other ex took me to court because I denied him parenting time because I was in the hospital having my youngest child. He won make up time too.

My nice ex, will occasionally allow me to swap days if needed.

My other ex will not swap unless it benefits him and I am expected to agree and deal with it anytime he needs an alteration.

... there's much more in my world of ex's ... but that is the short condensed, on topic part.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Obviously i don't have much first hand experience with this but i have dated and have several friends that have had to deal with such situations.

I think the key thing is just not to expect to be able to be all things to all people. Your only one person. Cant expect to be in 2 places at one time. Changing schedules can really make for a frustrating experience.

Just try to relax and go with the flow so to speak. Enjoy the moment, rather than dwell to much on the past or future.

[saechalyn]

I don't have children, but a friend who deals with this scenario will sometimes go out and leave the kids with a sitter if it's something she really wants to do. Her kids are very young and in bed before she leaves so it works out pretty well.

[Marblez]

I don't have children, but a friend who deals with this scenario will sometimes go out and leave the kids with a sitter if it's something she really wants to do. Her kids are very young and in bed before she leaves so it works out pretty well.

This one makes a whole lot of sense. Even in your case Onyx. I know that it is quite a drive for you to come down here and that it requires an overnight investment, but work with that. I am not sure how old your kids are, but if they are anywhere from 2 to 16 - Come down here for a weekend, pick a hotel with a pool or other kid friendly amenities and bring a trusted sitter with you.

They get some extra fun, the sitter gets outta dodge for a while, you really don't misss any mommy time as they really should be in bed when most adult stuff is going on.

My sister does this all the time when she goes to overnight conventions.

[Onyx]

This one makes a whole lot of sense. Even in your case Onyx. I know that it is quite a drive for you to come down here and that it requires an overnight investment, but work with that. I am not sure how old your kids are, but if they are anywhere from 2 to 16 - Come down here for a weekend, pick a hotel with a pool or other kid friendly amenities and bring a trusted sitter with you.

They get some extra fun, the sitter gets outta dodge for a while, you really don't misss any mommy time as they really should be in bed when most adult stuff is going on.

My sister does this all the time when she goes to overnight conventions.

Oh wow - thanks for the idea. That sounds like something I could do occasionally. I might see if my mom can visit sometime when there's something really special I want to go to.

I have a problem with trusting anyone other than mom with my kids though. Wish I had a good sitter. Maybe something will work out where I find someone I can trust. Hmmm... actually my teen might be okay with staying in a hotel with my youngest for a short time, especially if it were a convention where the events were down in the lobby or something. She's turning 17 and sometimes I forget she's not really a baby anymore!

[saechalyn]

I might see if my mom can visit sometime when there's something really special I want to go to.

AND, your mom is fun! Any mom who would come to convergence and enjoy it obviously rocks

[Onyx]

AND, your mom is fun! Any mom who would come to convergence and enjoy it obviously rocks

Thanks! She really is pretty cool.

I was a little hesitant at first, wondering how she would take it all, but she loved the concert, the clothes and everything about Convergence.

[Gauge]

while this is only from the kids perspective here, when i was about 8 or so my parents sat me down and told me all about why i saw them how i did (i was with my dad every other weekend and every other wed) and they told me that i was big enough to make my own decisions about when i wanted to see who. it worked out pretty well because they were both somewhat decent with the other and i was happy to. if there was ever a time that parent a needed to have me for something, parent b usually just sucked it up and dealt with it as long as it was ok with me and it didnt happen on a regular basis. so i guess thats my take on it but it really depends on how friendly the two of you are and how you think your children would deal with it. ill say one thing it sure helped to keep the courts out of our lives.

[Onyx]

while this is only from the kids perspective here, when i was about 8 or so my parents sat me down and told me all about why i saw them how i did (i was with my dad every other weekend and every other wed) and they told me that i was big enough to make my own decisions about when i wanted to see who. it worked out pretty well because they were both somewhat decent with the other and i was happy to. if there was ever a time that parent a needed to have me for something, parent b usually just sucked it up and dealt with it as long as it was ok with me and it didnt happen on a regular basis. so i guess thats my take on it but it really depends on how friendly the two of you are and how you think your children would deal with it. ill say one thing it sure helped to keep the courts out of our lives.

Thanks for your input That's really good that your mom and dad could work together like that.

For me, it's mainly a matter of me deciding against changing schedules too much. I feel like my kids have enough stress without me adding more, but was curious how others handled things. I like to keep them on a regular schedule as much as I can.