Ok, So

[torn asunder]

what do you do when you feel like you just don't belong? why's & where's aside...

[ManicQueen]

I just pop a happy pill, yes I know that's a a bad excuse, but I can't help it. I'm on so many different meds riight now to stablize my moods.

If you're not on any meds then try you need to move to a different croud of people if you're feeling that way. IMO. If you don't feel like you belong then move alone to some place different. That's just my opinion.

Mike, I know you've been struggling for a while now. You have to do what's best for you and what you feel is right in your heart.

If you ever need to chat or vent, you know where to find me. I hope you're not to down right now. Things do get better.

[BrassFusion]

I call people I have stored on my cell phone. I go by an algorithm that includes such factors as how long it's been since I've talked to them, the severity and nature of my "issue" if there's a specific issue at all, and the anticipated reaction. I have some friends who are great at talking through things that need talking through and some friends who are great at wasting time and enjoying the little things until you get out of your funk.

That's what I did the other night. I felt fucked up for no reason at all, so I called someone who I guess I can depend on. We went to Luna and didn't even talk too much, just hung around like old times. It worked, funk over. He's one of the people I guess I take for granted, or maybe I'm just dogging on myself. I hope he doesn't think I take him for granted.

So it's kinda weird depending on people for that, trusting them, but as soon as I started doing it with most of the people I develop even short friendships with, it gets easier and easier. And if that person should take advantage of my trust? I call someone else.

I guess I disagree with Brooke on this. You don't necessarily need to move on to a different group where you might experience the same feelings... if you don't open yourself, others won't be open to you. And yes, it can be risky as hell.

[ManicQueen]

I call people I have stored on my cell phone. I go by an algorithm that includes such factors as how long it's been since I've talked to them, the severity and nature of my "issue" if there's a specific issue at all, and the anticipated reaction. I have some friends who are great at talking through things that need talking through and some friends who are great at wasting time and enjoying the little things until you get out of your funk.

That's what I did the other night. I felt fucked up for no reason at all, so I called someone who I guess I can depend on. We went to Luna and didn't even talk too much, just hung around like old times. It worked, funk over. He's one of the people I guess I take for granted, or maybe I'm just dogging on myself. I hope he doesn't think I take him for granted.

So it's kinda weird depending on people for that, trusting them, but as soon as I started doing it with most of the people I develop even short friendships with, it gets easier and easier. And if that person should take advantage of my trust? I call someone else.

I guess I disagree with Brooke on this. You don't necessarily need to move on to a different group where you might experience the same feelings... if you don't open yourself, others won't be open to you. And yes, it can be risky as hell.

You may disagree with me but I totally agree with you at the same time.

[BrassFusion]

You may disagree with me but I totally agree with you at the same time.

And your advice may be the best... depends on the specifics of his situation.

FEEL THE FUCKING LOVE! lol...

[Steven]

keep yourself open Mike. Open to endless possibilites that you may never expect.

and re-evaluate as needed. you dont have to always throw people away, but you also dont have to "need" things from people who are not tuned in.

and set real standards for yoru intimite friendships. For me, I am a sometimes demanding friend, because of what I'm willing to put into a relationship. But that works for me. It also reduces the size of my social circle, and yet it allows me the freedom to pursue other relationships outside of the "normalcy" of that circle....for example say, a Kareoke party with a bunch of spooky kids....

And finnaly (and not so easy)...find purpose to who and what you are.

I know that sounds trite but I beleive in it deeply.

Knowing who you are, how yoru wired and what that is set to do creates a deeper relationship with yourself. I dont "belong" anywhere either Mike to be honest....I'm too people curious and too open minded to click off. I tend to wander in and out of alot of social circles, but most of them leave a place for me.

[Onyx]

i'm not even close to goth in any way... i don't dress the part, i don't know much of the music, or the scene, or the clubs, etc. and yet, here i am, a mod on a major goth board. it struck me as kinda funny, really, that someone who doesn't really belong here is here in this way, and so i wondered...

Well hell, I'm a middle-aged soccer mom who lives in a boring small town.

I do love most of the music, the scene and so on, but my days are taken up by kids and school and work and have little time for those sorts of fun things.

I belong here least of all.

[Steven]

I belong here least of all.

there is freedom in that though....don't you think?

[Onyx]

there is freedom in that though....don't you think?

Yes!

One of the things I cherish about getting older is that I find it easier to be myself and comfortable in my own skin (and be comfortable even where I don't really "belong").

[Brenda Starrr]

I always went my own way. If others didn't like it, so be it. I knew that others would appreciate me.

If you need me, let me know.

[HipsterDufus]

I tend to clam up, if I feel that way. Or, if someone I know and trust is around me in that given situation, I tend to just talk with them until the social awkwardness passes. Not so much fun for the friend I'm talking to, I'm sure. I don't really feel like I fit in anywhere (sometimes, I don't even feel like I belong to humanity), so I really need to be welcomed in order to feel good about being in an awkward/new situation. Of course, with alcohol, it's a lot better. I wonder why I drink....

[Msterbeau]

I leave.

[Onyx]

I don't really feel I belong anywhere either.

I'm a strange mix of things.

Maybe belonging isn't important. Just be yourself (with the emphasis on *be*). Pretending never works for long. Besides, it would be a boring world if we were all alike.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

I let that part of me that best fits the current enviroment take over.

[phee]

Music... and imagination.... I always belong in the inner worlds behind my eyes....

[Homicidalheathen]

I like to go to the biggest park I can find and walk around by myself in Nature for a few hours...I think that is the natural state of humans anyway.

[creatureofthenyte]

I do whatever makes me feel happy.

I do what I enjoy doing.

I think for myself, and if that means Im not riding on the popular bandwagon, I dont give a shit.

I'm comfortable enough in my own skin to be able to know that I am a good person and I have alot of good to offer.

Life is too short to care about what the naysayers think.

I've been somewhat cool with the fact that I dont belong.

I think I'm a good person and most people that meet me and take the time to get to know me, would agree with me on that.

Life is very short.

I think that worrying about things that are beyond your control is wasted energy.

If you try your best and fail, its better then not trying at all.

Better to be alone, then in bad company.

[kellygrrrrrl]

People have told me I am pessimistic.

People have told me I am too quiet.

People say I'm in my own world.

People say I am not very conversational.

People have told me I am too spontaneous.

I no longer try to fit in with these people/well...this person....

I think I am realistic maybe even a little on the pessimistic side, but only because that has been my expirience. (IE: Murphy's law/Karma...etc...)...

I am quiet, becuase I am shy. I don't think before I speak alot, I observe, I watch...then speak. ("Better to say nothing and appear the fool, then to open your mouth and remove all doubt." - Mark Twain)

I am in my own world. I got a lot on my mind! Noone wants to hear about my crap anyways.

I am coversational, just about things I like to talk about....I don't find talking about other peoples business a productive conversation....I DON'T have any dirt...dig it up yourself.

I am spontaneous. Because of this trait, I have been on a lot of great trips, adventures, suprised a lot of people....Its FUN!

I've tried to "compromise" with these people that have KNOWN the way I have been for the last 10 years that they have known me...why all of a sudden is it a problem?

I'm not going to make drastic life changes on things I cannot help. Especially when these people have "flaws" they need to work on themselves.

Just seems like these wants me to change something....When they themselves are'nt willing to make any compromises themselves.

Done.

Walk away.

Sad that I've made all this effort for nothing though....And ended up feeling used after all was said and done.

Yep...Done.

One of the smartest things I've heard was that throughout life, you'll only be able to count your TRUE friends on one hand.

How VERY VERY true this is.

[Der Nister]

I just say what-fuck-ever and go about living life. Fuck the people that think they're 'click' is special or whatever. Who needs 'em?

[kellygrrrrrl]

I just say what-fuck-ever and go about living life. Fuck the people that think they're 'click' is special or whatever. Who needs 'em?

YEAH.....

[Hellion]

:devil

I just avoid groups of people or anyone I do not know.

Like George Carlin said: I hate groups of people,

But I like individual people.

I enjoy my line of work,and and the people

I work with.

Also quitting drugs helped.

And the company of certain friends and family members.

[Der Nister]

YEAH.....

[torn asunder]

I let that part of me that best fits the current enviroment take over.

Music... and imagination.... I always belong in the inner worlds behind my eyes....

interesting - i relate to these quite a bit actually... i know exactly who i am inside, and i'm great with it. i also have a little of everything/everyone in me, and can do what gaf said, with relative ease. it's just that each incident/environment is only a fraction, and what about the rest of me? is there anywhere i might feel fully "at home"? i doubt it, but really, that's not really that important to me... i don't really feel a *need* to fit in anywhere. it's just something that occured to me "Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary"...

and just to clarify, i'm not having any issues with this, *just* a curiosity. i was surfing last night & ran across some old dgn names that i'd not thought of in a long time, (disenchanted, for one - first dgn'er i ever met in person, i think, at least here in k'zoo) and that got me wondering why they aren't here anymore. that led to thinking, "they moved on/changed/didn't feel they fit in here anymore", which got me thinking about me, and dgn. i'm not even close to goth in any way... i don't dress the part, i don't know much of the music, or the scene, or the clubs, etc. and yet, here i am, a mod on a major goth board. it struck me as kinda funny, really, that someone who doesn't really belong here is here in this way, and so i wondered...

[pomba gira]

A very wise therapist once told me, "You know, you'll probably never completely feel like you belong in this world- but you can still have a fulfilling life with people who accept you". And he was right. I don't even worry about "belonging" anymore. Wherever there are people who are prepared to accept and value me for myself, that's where I belong. It doesn't matter if those people look like me, dress like me, read, watch, or listen to all the same stuff as me, are the same age or ethnicity as me, or share my opinions on every issue. Of course it's nice to have some points of commonality with other humans... but to me shared interests are kind of like keys: they unlock the path to the real payoff, which is the essential person within that you connect with.

Having grown into a strong sense of who I am and what I value in life is a big part of it. Since I KNOW who I am now, I don't have to worry about finding a group of people to reinforce my self-image. If I choose to be around a person, it's because I value them for WHO they are, not WHAT they are.

AFA belonging "here", my situation is much like Onyx's. I'm a middle-aged schoolteacher living in a smaller town, and right now career, family, and creative matters take up most of my time & energy. I will probably never be a scenester again, in the sense of being at the club every single week & being involved in all kinds of drama with other scene members. "been there, done that" & feel like I outgrew it all, long ago. My knowledge of "gothic" music is fair to middling... some I like, some I don't. If my look is "gothic" sometimes, it's just that happens to be the look that suits me, not that I ever consciously set out to put together a gothic look.

So, do I belong here? I look at it this way- "Here" is a place where I can interact with kindred spirits who are fun & interesting people to exchange opinions with and don't look down on anyone who doesn't 100% share their interests or lifestyle. Occasionally getting to socialize face to face with some of them is a really groovy bonus. That's enough. It's more than enough... it's a blessing. So I'm going to accept that blessing, and not waste time wondering whether I "belong" here or not.

[Steven]

I always went my own way. If others didn't like it, so be it. I knew that others would appreciate me.

If you need me, let me know.

I need you. Ooops, maybe this is the wrong thread....