And The Saga Continues

[Rivers the Cleric]

so, i've found myself in yet another relationship... i find it amazing how i never actually date. i just seem to wake up and findout that i'm in a relationship.

well, as some of you know, my dating history reads like a bad B horror movie. but this time i find myself in an odd spot.

sofar, 4 months into the relationship, and i'm still happy.

no stabbings, no bludgonings with ask trays, no cheating, no head games, no hiding crap from eachother, and we still find the desire to talk for at least 8 hours a night.

gotta say, i'm amazed. this is truly a first for me.

i'd known this girl for a while, about a year or two, and we had never really talked to eachother extensivly, just over Livejournal, and the like. i do have to admit, i had a tiny bit of a crush on her, because she's intelligent, sarcastic (don't ask why i find that attractive) and is about as big of a dork i am. one day we started talking on AIM, because i was going into another rant inspired by Jahovas Whitenesses waking me up. well, after about a week of talking, i realized i was falling for her, big time.

so, i told her.

first time i've ever just come out and told a girl i liked that i did. it was a REALLY nervous moment for me, because for the most part i've only gone out with people who came up to me and said "lets go out." well.. i did ask one girl out because a friend asked me to, but didn't really care for her all that much.. anyway, she was dumbfounded... mostly because i didn't say "so, i'm pretty sure i like you" i said "so, i'm pretty sure i'm falling in love with you, and you're so wonderful, i cant let this pass by without saying something."

i was waiting for the pat on the head, followed by either running, or being called an idiot... didn't happen. she told me that she was pretty sure she did too, because for the past week all she had been doing was talking about me, and anything i said, and running to the computer/phone any time she could talk to me.

so, 4 months later, and we're happy. this is the longest relationship i've had in years. i know that's not really much of an accomplishment, but it's a good sign to me. i'm not going to say there aren't a lot of problems, because there are. but none between us.

it's funny, though. her mom had a crush on me, too.... really kind of creepy for me. another dominatrix smells me from nearly 900 miles away.

so, things are good, for now. and i hope they continue down that line.

[Msterbeau]

What I'm worried about is how you just "find yourself in a relationship". As a love/relationship addict (recovering) this is a serious warning bell.

Otherwise... good luck. :-)

[Rivers the Cleric]

nah, see, what happens is some random girl will go "i like you, we should be a couple." and for reasons i never know, i say "ok" it's sort of like a trainwreck that costs me money.

nah, i've fooled myself into thinking i was in love a number of times. it's really just out of a deep fear of ending up alone. but, i'd spent most of this year alone for the first time in a long time, and realized i could rely on myself.

but still, this feels totally differant. and i'm not just fooling myself. everyone around me has noticed this change. friends, family, people i barly know are all commenting on how happy i seem to be.

this is the first time in ages i've ever stopped playing Dungeons and Dragons to take a phone call from a girl. the true test of dork love.

[torn asunder]

i think it's also a good sign that you took the initiative to speak up about liking/loving her. it's proactive, and shows you're trying to take control of your life, as opposed to the way you used to "fall into" things...

good luck, and way to go!

[Der Nister]

Relationships suck because they involve people and there are too many people in this world that suck ---- and not in a good way.

(Can you detect any bitterness in that statement? *lol*)

[Rivers the Cleric]

oh, no, i hate people too.

i'm just glad we aren't people.

she's a cat, i'm a badger.

in general most of my relatioships have sucked because.. i don't have the ability to say "no" "stop" or "that's enough" so i basically get walked all over, used, and then blamed for everything.

i likely should have come out of all of that a sexist, but... nah. i can't believe any of that crap.

[Der Nister]

in general most of my relatioships have sucked because.. i don't have the ability to say "no" "stop" or "that's enough" so i basically get walked all over, used, and then blamed for everything.

I know what you mean by this - I use to be that way (not anymore thankfully).

My last GF is still blaming me for everything. :erm

[Rivers the Cleric]

yeah, the last major relationship i was in my Ex is blaming me for not paying attention to her needs. this is in spite of me watching her son 16 hours a day, cleaning her house, doing her dishes and laundry (by hand) and still managing to go down on her for at least 4 hours a night.

apparently, i was sooo neglectful, her new boyfriend wants to kick my ass.... that would be funny.

[Msterbeau]

nah, see, what happens is some random girl will go "i like you, we should be a couple." and for reasons i never know, i say "ok" it's sort of like a trainwreck that costs me money.

nah, i've fooled myself into thinking i was in love a number of times. it's really just out of a deep fear of ending up alone. but, i'd spent most of this year alone for the first time in a long time, and realized i could rely on myself.

but still, this feels totally differant. and i'm not just fooling myself. everyone around me has noticed this change. friends, family, people i barly know are all commenting on how happy i seem to be.

this is the first time in ages i've ever stopped playing Dungeons and Dragons to take a phone call from a girl. the true test of dork love.

Fear of being alone is one of the paths into relationship addiction. You end up not thinking realistically about who you're getting into these relationships with, and pretty soon you're just bouncing from one failed one to the next, never really dealing with whatever underlying issues are causing you to fear being alone.

On the other hand, as TA pointed out, the fact that you're speaking honestly about your feelings in a healthy way is a good sign. Being honest with yourself and those around you is always a good thing in my book. Well... unless your version of honesty is to tell people they belong in hell with a hot poker up their ass... Maybe a little too honest.

[Rivers the Cleric]

i'm pretty sure my fear of being alone comes from fear of being useless, or unwanted. i know well enough that i look like the southern end of a northbound mule, so i tend to gravitate towards anyone that can stand the sight of me. or.. so i thought. i dunno. low self image is confusing when all of the sudden people start breaking it down. oh well. i'll figure that out later.

i also have to admit, i'm liking the fact that there's clear and honest communication in this relationship. if there's a problem, we talk about it. no letting things fester. and sofar the most major argument we've had is my pointing out that the plural of Fish is Fish, and not Fishes... but that was more of a game.

i dunno. things are good, and it's confusing, but it's neat.

[BrassFusion]

i'm pretty sure my fear of being alone comes from fear of being useless, or unwanted. i know well enough that i look like the southern end of a northbound mule, so i tend to gravitate towards anyone that can stand the sight of me. or.. so i thought. i dunno. low self image is confusing when all of the sudden people start breaking it down. oh well. i'll figure that out later.

i also have to admit, i'm liking the fact that there's clear and honest communication in this relationship. if there's a problem, we talk about it. no letting things fester. and sofar the most major argument we've had is my pointing out that the plural of Fish is Fish, and not Fishes... but that was more of a game.

i dunno. things are good, and it's confusing, but it's neat.

hey! fishes is a word, too!!!! it's the plural of fish (plural).

/jack

and yeah, lucidity is your best friend in judging a new relationship like this. i've only recently learned to be comfortable while not in a relationship or actively seeking one. it's a real weird feeling.

[bav]

What I'm worried about is how you just "find yourself in a relationship". As a love/relationship addict (recovering) this is a serious warning bell.

Otherwise... good luck. :-)

as a reformed serial monogamist, i /agree