Pathfinder

[sinmantyx]

It's coming out tomorrow (Friday) I believe. My husband and I saw the trailer and we couldn't stop laughing.

OK...so this is the actual legend as told to us about the "first contact" between the "New World" and the Vikings. The viking showed up and noticed that the natives of the area were not pussies (unlike the monks in England who were total pussies) so they opened trade relations with them (as vikings were known to do with people who were not pussies). The natives had not seen cow milk before (cows were brought onto ships for milk) so they were interested. The vikings traded the milk for provisions and other stuff. It seemed to be going so well.

What the Vikings didn't know is that they have an enzyme in their tummy that the natives of the area did not have, that allowed them to digest Lactose. As they are getting ready to leave, the native people - convinced that they were POISONED and in extreme gastronomical-intestinal distress - charged the vikings and kicked their asses out.

Now, as we're sitting there...amused by the 300-esque portrayal of vikings as 9-foot-tall killing machines...we couldn't help but think: What if they told the story that WE know...involving an unfortunate misunderstanding complete with farts. How could you POSSIBLY make that epic?!

It was just too much for our little brains to handle and we couldn't stop giggling.

Now, I DO realize that the vikings were pretty damn brutal a good deal of the time. They bullied surrounding areas for protection money and did their share of raiding. However, as far as anyone knows...this did not happen with the Native American Tribes. Vikings did do their fair share of attempting to create settlements in the "New World" and opening trade; I'm pretty convinced (due to a few blue-eyed red-haired freckled "New World" individuals) that even though viking settlements in the new world were not successful, that some of those settlers survived and were integrated into native tribes.

The only other legend that has gotten down to us Scandinavian-Americans has to do with big-foot. The Vikings saw big-foot and got all freaked out. That's kind of fun.

According to my husband, the movie was actually based on a literary work about conflicts between the southern Scandinavians (where our relatives are from) and the Sami of the "Lapland". That makes a heck of a lot more sense, I suppose. This is another case of Americans Americanizing their stories it seems.

I don't know if I'm going to watch it or not.

[Homicidalheathen]

Lactose intolerance causes problems even back then? Weird. Yah, I dunno...it looks ok. I thought it was a fantasy movie....not sure I will see it now.

[sinmantyx]

Lactose intolerance causes problems even back then? Weird. Yah, I dunno...it looks ok. I thought it was a fantasy movie....not sure I will see it now.

hehehe...well, considering the historical accuracy...it's TOTALLY a fantasy movie

[Amerist]

I don't know, I think we could make milk issues epic...

"What will you do?"

"Well, for the most part we have diarrhea and a bad case of stomach aches from our intolerance to the stuff. So I figure that I'll make a run to CVS to get some Pepto Bismol."

"And after?"

"There will be no after."

...then again, I hear that Aquateen Hunger Force has a movie out.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

Lactose intolerance is a humans natural state. We, as a race, only develeped the enzyme in our digestive tracts about 10-15000 years ago. It's one of the major things that caused/helped use to become farmers rather than hunter gatherers.

As for the movie... I'll judge it after I see it... lesser things that farts have started wars...

[CixWicked]

Lactose intolerance is a humans natural state. We, as a race, only develeped the enzyme in our digestive tracts about 10-15000 years ago. It's one of the major things that caused/helped use to become farmers rather than hunter gatherers.

As for the movie... I'll judge it after I see it... lesser things that farts have started wars...

Hey, I'm lactose intolerant... dammit, THATS why I'm choosing Intelligent creation... Evolution just screws the black man...

And while we're on the subject... I WANT SOME COOKIE CRISP...

CixWicked

[sinmantyx]

Ironically: as white as I am: I, too, am lactose intolerant.

Yogurt and hard cheeses do not have lactose. That's why Middle-Eastern dishes tend to be yogurt-based and not creme-based.

I don't think I buy this: lifted us up from hunter-gatherer status. Which Euro-centric anthropologist did you hear that from? Considering almost ALL Asians are lactose intolerant and Asia houses one of the oldest civilizations in the world: I don't think it hindered them much.

PS: here is the info.

Lactose intolerance is NOT a "disorder". Instead, Northern Europeans and Scandinavians are just fucking weird. Then they inflict their milk-based diet on America...bastards.

[CixWicked]

Ironically: as white as I am: I, too, am lactose intolerant.

Yogurt and hard cheeses do not have lactose. That's why Middle-Eastern dishes tend to be yogurt-based and not creme-based.

I don't think I buy this: lifted us up from hunter-gatherer status. Which Euro-centric anthropologist did you hear that from? Considering almost ALL Asians are lactose intolerant and Asia houses one of the oldest civilizations in the world: I don't think it hindered them much.

PS: here is the info.

Lactose intolerance is NOT a "disorder". Instead, Northern Europeans and Scandinavians are just fucking weird. Then they inflict their milk-based diet on America...bastards.

Nope... still going with the idea that GOD Created everything... even Pokemon... I'm sticking with it.

CixWicked

[phee]

Hey, I'm lactose intolerant... dammit, THATS why I'm choosing Intelligent creation... Evolution just screws the black man...

And while we're on the subject... I WANT SOME COOKIE CRISP...

CixWicked

Jelly beans?

[Rayne]

So THAT's why my lactose inolerant son has no problem with cheese.

I just always thought he was just strange.

[sinmantyx]

So THAT's why my lactose inolerant son has no problem with cheese.

I just always thought he was just strange.

I know how we can make this EPIC!

It's the story of the Scandinavian-American who (after the disastrous misunderstanding between the Native Americans and the Vikings) finds out that SHE is lactose intolerant. FIGHTING to right past WRONGS - she shares her experiences with others (as well as her knowledge gained from "Good Eats") -

and in the end, she teaches America to love cheese and frozen yogurt.

PERFECT!

[Slept with ghost]

I thought the movie was just based off a dark horse comic

[n0Mad]

Yogurt and hard cheeses do not have lactose.

Really? My girlfriend is lactose intollerant so she only buys soy cheese and soy ice cream. If some cheeses and yogurt don't have lactose, then she could have regular cheese and frozen yogurt and save a buttload of money. So what are some lactose free yummies that she can have? If I get this info to her then she'll love me for it and want to reward me and that would be epic!

[sinmantyx]

I thought the movie was just based off a dark horse comic

Yeah...according to my hubby (comic book geek) the comic is entirely based in Scandinavia and doesn't mention Native Americans at all. I don't think he's actually read it though.

[sinmantyx]

Really? My girlfriend is lactose intollerant so she only buys soy cheese and soy ice cream. If some cheeses and yogurt don't have lactose, then she could have regular cheese and frozen yogurt and save a buttload of money. So what are some lactose free yummies that she can have? If I get this info to her then she'll love me for it and want to reward me and that would be epic!

From what I've found:

"Probiotics and active bacteria culture may improve lactose intolerance. The bacterial strain commonly used in yogurt can produce lactase enzymes. Therefore, people with lactose intolerance and children suffering from intestinal infection can usually tolerate yogurt with an active culture."

I seem to be able to tolerate most cheeses and fozen yogurt. However, she could be different. She'll want to try it out first, basically. With my limited research, Swiss Cheese was specifically mentioned as having low lactose. I eat ALOT of Swiss Cheese and haven't had a problem with it.

I tell you though: I cannot STAND many soy products. Soy milk is so horrid. I spring the big-bucks for lactose-free milk. It's on sale at Kroger in plastic gallon containers, usually for under $5.

Good luck.