Another Form Of Discrimination

[Hellion]

Has anyone ever dealt with this form of racism called Age/status racism,its where certain people you know will hate youor blowyou off for being single,let alone being in your 30s and 40s.

just wanted to get opinions from others that have dealt with this kind of BS,it also can happen with relatives too.

Its like 20 somethings VS 30 somethings.

IMO,some people really need to grow up.

Share your experiences.

I also have alot of friends that are in their 20's that do not do this.

One of my close friends on this board had an issue with this, and we both have come up with a conclusion.

BTW this is not a drama thing opinions only,thankyou.

[odims_sphere]

it's not really racism since neither age or status is a race. I have heard of Ageism, statusism though is a new one on me. A more accurate title for the thread might have been "another form of prejudice, 20s VS 30s and 40s"

[sass_in_the_pants]

Yeah, that's ageism, and it is usually associated with people in their 50s or 60s nto being able to get jobs because people think they're too old to hack it.

I've never really had a problem with anyone treating me badly because of my age, then again, I mostly hang out with people my own age, so I suppose they can't.

As far as getting blown off for being single...not so much blown off, but so many of my friends are in different stages of their lives - the ones with kids generally stay home or hang out with the other friends with kids, and the ones that are single go to the bars. So, there's a sort of divide in what people are interested in, but I wouldn't consider that a bad thing. Everyone still hangs out at parties and barbecues, but people are just doing different things now. Everyone's still friends.

[Hellion]

it's not really racism since neither age or status is a race. I have heard of Ageism, statusism though is a new one on me. A more accurate title for the thread might have been "another form of prejudice, 20s VS 30s and 40s"

that sounds more like it,just did not know what you would have called it thanx Odims

more info,it does exist http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,,1693451,00.html

copy and paste this link.

[creatureofthenyte]

even moreso then that Crank,

Its just stereotyping, ignorance and prejudice.

[Hellion]

even moreso then that Crank,

Its just stereotyping, ignorance and prejudice.

You are so right found this quote earlier thanks for listening

This is why I usually and only socialize with people in our status

except for friends we know that are couples that don't do this.

ABSTRACT—A widespread form of bias has slipped under our cultural and academic radar. People who are single are targets of singlism: negative stereotypes and discrimination. Compared to married or coupled people, who are often described in very positive terms, singles are assumed to be immature, maladjusted, and self-centered. Although the perceived differences between people who have and have not married are large, the actual differences are not. Moreover, there is currently scant recognition that singlism exists, and when singlism is acknowledged, it is often accepted as legitimate.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

It's like.. people are looking for a reason to bitch.

[Fierce Critter]

Well, since Jon and I are married, we don't suffer from "singlism".

But we suffer from "oh-my-why-aren't-you-having-kids-is-there-something-wrong-with-you"ism.

We don't like kids. We don't want kids. We took care of that 2 years into our marriage - snip snip.

We have made a choice to not have children. We have recognized our preference for each other's company above all others, and can admit to a selfishness that stems from that. We have chosen to not inflict ourselves on a child.

Yet we are called selfish for not bringing a child into this world. I think it would be horribly selfish for us to bring a child into this world to satisfy some archaic need to spawn.

[DeadBurgerKing (10)]

Well, 'discrimination' would be a better way of putting this along with what creature said, 'prejudice'.

But yeah, Crank. I've been through it. Alot of people discriminate against me for because I'm disabled. I have been turned down for dates and even friendships because of my being in a wheelchair. But it doesn't piss me off, cause if they want to be so petty as to discriminate against me because of my disability they're 1: Not worth my time 2: Obviously incredibly immature and 3: Missing out on a very good candidate for a good friend, so it's their loss. And, Crank, those 3 things apply to you as well.

Back when I had regular brown hair and no piercings I got what I like to call 'reverse discrimination'. For some reason everyone thought because that I'm in a wheelchair and disabled physically that in turn (due to the good ol' stereotyping) means that I'm mentally disabled too. For example, I'd be greeted by the greeter at a Wal-Mart like this:

"Hi, how are you doing. Do you know where you want to go? Do you need me to help you find the aisle you need?"

People were overly nice. Not that that's bad thing. But it was also rather degrading. It made me feel that these people think I'm incapable of doing ANYTHING. People would open doors for me even though I am perfectly capable of pushing the handicapped accessible automatic door opener. People would grab things I'm looking at off the racks then hand them to me even though that said item is perfectly within my reach. One of the cashiers asked me if they needed to help me count my money. Now, it is nice that they want to help. But here's the thing, if I need help, I'll ask for it. You don't need to assume I need help with EVERYTHING.

That's the main reason I dress the way I do (that and just because I love the punk/goth look). Now that I go out with blue hair, spikes on my boots along with peircings, I don't get greeted by the greeter, people rarly open doors for me etc etc. It lets people know that I can and do think for myself.

It's really sad how people do this sort of thing. So, if this happens to you again, just think about the three things I mentioned:

They are

1: Not worth your time

2: Obviously incredibly immature and

3: Missing out on a very good candidate for a good friend, so it's their loss.

And those fortunate enough to know you, KNOW you are one kick ass mother fucker!!

So you wanna know what I think about these pricks and prick-ettes? "FUCK 'EM!!"

[Steven]

Well, since Jon and I are married, we don't suffer from "singlism".

But we suffer from "oh-my-why-aren't-you-having-kids-is-there-something-wrong-with-you"ism.

We don't like kids. We don't want kids. We took care of that 2 years into our marriage - snip snip.

We have made a choice to not have children. We have recognized our preference for each other's company above all others, and can admit to a selfishness that stems from that. We have chosen to not inflict ourselves on a child.

Yet we are called selfish for not bringing a child into this world. I think it would be horribly selfish for us to bring a child into this world to satisfy some archaic need to spawn.

oh I know all about this one, but in our case its because we cant get or stay pregnant. "Dont you want kids?" "how come you dont have any kids?" "What - you dont like kids?"

theres nothingn I can do about it. I even get dismissed among y married peers when discussing certain stages in life because "ive never had kids and dont understand".

and yes Laura and I have married friends and yes that dual pairing is comfortable for us because there is a common relatable experience. But I also have many single friends (so does Laura) and they hang with either one fo us or both of us, theres no division there. I also have friends that are much older than I am, and friedns that are significantly younger or at completely different stages in life. Now yes there are certain experiences that we do not share (like say....being married for 20 years) that result in different points of view, but were all still people and we share a great deal just being people.

any "difference' can seperate you, shelve you, classify you, dismiss you, etc....if thats how you operate or what you allow....

[Der Nister]

It's just a lack of maturity DM. I've had a few former friends that got married and decided they couldn't socialize with me because I was single. I just moved on.

I know what you're saying though. I think it's a matter of just finding people that aren't narrow minded and can accept people regardless of age or status.

[Homicidalheathen]

Kudos to you! Allot of doctors wont do the surgery until you have had at least one if not 3. Your lucky you found someone here in MI

My doc wouldn't do it and I had twins. (so I asked 3 other male docs and got 3 more no's)

I finally found someone AFTER I turned 35 like, I had not enough sense until then to know I didn't want anymore???? Until that age??? I wanted to get it done a whole decade earlier!!!

My friend who is 40, single and childless.....had to wait to mid 30's and fly to CA to have a female doc do it. No one would touch her here in this wonderful open minded free state of MI

(sarcasm there)

Well, since Jon and I are married, we don't suffer from "singlism".

But we suffer from "oh-my-why-aren't-you-having-kids-is-there-something-wrong-with-you"ism.

We don't like kids. We don't want kids. We took care of that 2 years into our marriage - snip snip.

We have made a choice to not have children. We have recognized our preference for each other's company above all others, and can admit to a selfishness that stems from that. We have chosen to not inflict ourselves on a child.

Yet we are called selfish for not bringing a child into this world. I think it would be horribly selfish for us to bring a child into this world to satisfy some archaic need to spawn.

[crunchy_pickle (5)]

I haven't faced a whole hell of a lot of age or status discrimination, but I have faced prejudice because I have kids.

The absolute worst case of this happened in April of 2005 when my ex girlfriend left me. I went through a time in my life for quite a while where I just dated and refused to get involved with anyone. I was wondering through life with a broken heart from missing my kids, drug abuse, and heavy alcoholism. I figured screw it, maybe if I date and meet enough girls the right one will come along. She was an amazing woman. She was driven, ambitious, and very motivated. We both had our own residences, she had a bachelor's degree, was working on a master's, and spoke several languages fluently. I thought I'd finally found the perfect woman, and we were both very happy. Then one day her mother told her that I was a great guy, but not worth throwing your life away for. The fact that I have kids could come back to haunt her one day. She told me she had to end things before she got more attached.

Now for any of you who have struggled with depression and/or substance abuse most of your lives, have you ever had a moment where you were so blissfully happy that you gave up everything because your past no longer existed, and all that mattered to you every day was the moment? I miss being that excited to see someone. It really has nothing to do with her, but for a moment there I was happy.

The moral of the story is don't put your hopes in other people. Regardless of maturity and intelligence, people can and will let you down. Never love someone that you can't let go of. The pain of attachment just isn't worth it. A lot of you know me as a nice, friendly, guy. A lot of you also know me as a worthless asshole or a cockblocker or whatever. Personally, I don't see any unfairness in this. I do what I want, when I want, and I try to give, and not hurt others in the process. This is not always possible. You can't go through life caring what other people think of you though. It may not have anything to do with age, status, or maturity. It might have everything to do with your personal experiences being incompatible with their life experiences where it pertains to friendship. This does not make you or them any less of a person, but just wrong for each other.

Yes, there are billions upon billions of dishonest, immature, ignorant bastards in this world. I find it's better to not make assumptions about people though, because there are people who are now friends who I once thought could never be, and there are people who are friends, who never should have been. Despite this, I still feel I'm a very scary judge of character and usually pretty accurate. I do however feel that my associated ego should never get in the way of trying to get to know people better.

[TygerLili]

A lot of people have a tendency to get caught up in their relationships, especially if the relationship is new or the dynamic is changing, and they just don't make time to spend with their other friends like they used to. I'm not saying it's right or defending it, and I know I've been guilty of it, but single friends needn't take it as an assault against them. Everyone has their moments of self-absorbtion, be it not spending enough time with their old friends, or constantly whining about being single to their friends.

[Fierce Critter]

I'm not sure, but I think I might have lost the original intent of this thread... So I'm gonna go ahead with this comment anyway and risk it might be off-topic.

When I hit my early 20's, I started getting frustrated by the number of friends I had who suddenly weren't available. With all of them, it was due to new relationships that left NO time for anything else, or to new babies.

I have to admit to getting really pissed over all that.

Then, in my late 20's when I met Jon, I dropped all other relationships like hot rocks and devoted 100% of my attention to my relationship with him.

Pot. Kettle. Black.

I apologized years later to my sisters in particular. We went from spending a lot of time together, including EVERY Friday night to absolute zero.

In retrospect, I wish I'd done things differently. Ours was DEFINITELY not your average boy-meets-girl situation, not by a looooooongshot, so extra time was definitely needed to foster our very, very quickly established bond. But if I'd found a way to mesh my life with him along with my life with my sisters, perhaps we all would have bonded better.

[Fierce Critter]

HH - Jon was 20 when we made the final decision, he was the one who went under the knife, not me. He preferred it that way.

I made a half dozen calls to area urologists before I found a doctor who didn't insist we had to wait until he was at least 25 and/or had a child or two.

[saechalyn]

But we suffer from "oh-my-why-aren't-you-having-kids-is-there-something-wrong-with-you"ism.

I'm not married or even dating anyone and I still get crap sometimes for not wanting kids. I don't particularly dislike children, but I have zero desire to ever be a parent. In my life, I come first. I don't ever plan to change that. Selfish? You bet. So be it. When people give me crap about it I just tell myself they are jealous of my world of uninterrupted bubble baths, sleeping as late as I want on weekends, going out on a moment's notice and a life free from temper tantrums, dirty diapers and sticky fingers.

[Fierce Critter]

I'm not married or even dating anyone and I still get crap sometimes for not wanting kids. I don't particularly dislike children, but I have zero desire to ever be a parent. In my life, I come first. I don't ever plan to change that. Selfish? You bet. So be it. When people give me crap about it I just tell myself they are jealous of my world of uninterrupted bubble baths, sleeping as late as I want on weekends, going out on a moment's notice and a life free from temper tantrums, dirty diapers and sticky fingers.

I hear you, sister.

Of course, there are those militant parents who will insist the temper tantrums, dirty diapers and sticky fingers are the best part of being a parent.

Gag.

"Im my life, I come first... Selfish?"

Sure. But as I say, it's just as selfish to insist on bringing a child into the world anyway when you know you have that attitude. Most people don't see that, however.

Take situations with mothers who are in good, happy marriages where the husband makes plenty of money and they get along great. They decide they're going to spawn - and she still insists on a full-time "career" where the child gets stuck in daycare after 10 weeks of maternity leave.

I consider that the epitome of selfish. Cake.Eatit.Too. But most of society looks down on my husband and I before they look askance at the people in the above situation.

Sigh.

[crunchy_pickle (5)]

Hell, the reasons I want more children are very selfish. I specifically want sons for the sole purpose of having strong, intelligent, fearless boys as well as maybe a couple more girls who are willing to use their strengths for the betterment of humanity. I feel like I have a lot to offer a family one day and refuse to leave this world without tormenting it with my offspring.

[torn asunder]

hey, DM, just wanted to let you know i changed the topic title from "racism" to "discrimination"!

[Hellion]

The thing is IMO,anyone who's with someone,that discriminates others they know that are single and always blow them off,lie or what ever,is pretty much ignorant.Way before I joined this board I had past GFs and the one thing I would never ever do,was blow off or stereotype any of my close friends or relatives.then again those days were better,let alone people were

better to be around.

I made sure to keep in contact whenever I could, unless I was at work or something really important came up.On weekends I always told my friends when me and my gf would be going out on the night I always invited whoever wanted to come along,and she never minded,at all,it was always more fun to with a crowd,there were certain times me and my gf would do something together ourselves,mostly Friday. nights.Saturdays were the nights where we would all hangout,then of course workweeks were low key,except for calling each other,or having dinner somewhere.

I know two people I decided not to ever socialize with with again due to this form of stereotype,one person I have not spoken to in 5 years because of this bs.I myself enjoy being single,considering IMO marriage is overrated these days.

What I don't like,and I know other friends who have had similar issues,is the false accusations and shit talk that goes behind your back just for being single,one example was person number two sent me a text message about going to a concert,I returned it,(when the boss wasn't around,LOL!)and it said I don't think I can because of gas prices and a car payment.

well he told one of my friends that I did not return the message which I did,let alone I showed him the sent message.but what ever,I was told I didn't,but I did,LOL!!.I know that this person is laid off and all I can say is OH Well!I'm not,and awhile before he wanted me to try to get him a job at my work,HELL NO!

"you never helped me find work when I was laid off"

inother words just stay out of my neighborhood,your not welcome on my street.

Even if I do meet someone,probably in my next life,I still will never ever for any reason,look at my good friends as chopped liver,that is so disrespectful.

I basically just want to better myself,let alone I have no problem trying to help someone I know find work,especially if they were good to me,and respected my ways.

they only time I get upset about it is when stupid crap is being said about me,if your going to say something,say to my face,dammit.or don't say nothing at all.

Make one want to be materialistic lately.

Right now I have to deal with BS car payment,let alone changed my tax bracket temporarily,let alone might tap into my 401-K plan to hopefully get just a head of this annoying bill.everything else is fine.

The reason for this thread is also to see if others I know have dealt with idiots like this.

and yes bills can make some people miserable,and I try my best not to take it out on any one,thats where sleep comes in.

I also have a lot of respect for the people I work with,they do not pull this kind of crap,and respect me a lot,consider,I am one of the best grinder/machine hands that they have,one skill that I am proud of,and it took awhile,still more to learn in the long run.basically I also help one of my best friends on DGN get a job where I am at,and he's doing an excellent job too!

Thanks everyone for your opinions,and info,its just too sad that some people will never know what its like to be a nice person,or at least respect someone for who they are.

This thread has now come to an end

BTW thanx for changing the thread title TA.

[Hellion]

It's just a lack of maturity DM. I've had a few former friends that got married and decided they couldn't socialize with me because I was single. I just moved on.

I know what you're saying though. I think it's a matter of just finding people that aren't narrow minded and can accept people regardless of age or status.

Just remember Der Nister, your better than them.IMO they will find out the hard way

[pomba gira]

Well, since Jon and I are married, we don't suffer from "singlism".

But we suffer from "oh-my-why-aren't-you-having-kids-is-there-something-wrong-with-you"ism.

We don't like kids. We don't want kids. We took care of that 2 years into our marriage - snip snip.

We have made a choice to not have children. We have recognized our preference for each other's company above all others, and can admit to a selfishness that stems from that. We have chosen to not inflict ourselves on a child.

Yet we are called selfish for not bringing a child into this world. I think it would be horribly selfish for us to bring a child into this world to satisfy some archaic need to spawn.

There was just an article about this... Yahoo news I think. Personally I've had mostly positive responses when people learn I've chosen not to have kids. Especially from older women... you'd be surprised how many times I've heard "I wish we'd had that choice when I was young" or "I love my kids but if I had it to do again I wouldn't have any". There is such a strong taboo against admitting that motherhood just isn't for everyone... which prolly contributes to these women wacking out & killing their children.

Kudos to you! Allot of doctors wont do the surgery until you have had at least one if not 3. Your lucky you found someone here in MI

My doc wouldn't do it and I had twins. (so I asked 3 other male docs and got 3 more no's)

I finally found someone AFTER I turned 35 like, I had not enough sense until then to know I didn't want anymore???? Until that age??? I wanted to get it done a whole decade earlier!!!

My friend who is 40, single and childless.....had to wait to mid 30's and fly to CA to have a female doc do it. No one would touch her here in this wonderful open minded free state of MI

(sarcasm there)

I got my tubes tied at 24 or thereabouts... fortunately I lived in Cali at the time so I didn't have any trouble... also was fortunate enough to find a sympathetic female doc on the first try. I've been talking to several young women on 43 Things who are having this problem... I would like to put together some kind of national database of doctors willing to sterilize young and/or childless women. IMHO if you're old enough to decide to risk being maimed in a war, you're old enough to decide that bearing children is not for you.

She was an amazing woman. She was driven, ambitious, and very motivated. We both had our own residences, she had a bachelor's degree, was working on a master's, and spoke several languages fluently. I thought I'd finally found the perfect woman, and we were both very happy. Then one day her mother told her that I was a great guy, but not worth throwing your life away for. The fact that I have kids could come back to haunt her one day. She told me she had to end things before she got more attached.

Sounds to me like you were lucky to find out how much influence this woman's mother had over her, before YOU got too attached.

[Homicidalheathen]

People shouldn't assume that just cause your older you can wave a magic wand and get them a job.....maybe they are not right for it.....?