Relationship Ruined Or Just The Blues?

[beautifullyXdecayed]

So, when a guy tells you that you need to have a serious talk does that usually mean that things are going to end up for the worse? perhaps I should write a fricken love colum in some magizine... perhaps I am naive in thinking that I am getting peoples turn tables spinning around in thier head? Ever get bored with a relationship that you just want to run away? you feel like you have been stuck with that person for so long that everything they do disgusts you? the touch, the kiss, the cute little things that got you sucked in for the first time. why does all romantic situations seem to loose thier charm...? does this mean that you will never find a person that will always feel like a first attraction? how do you re-kindle those feelings? can anyone else come up with questions? am I the only one out there that questions relationships?

[Msterbeau]

So, when a guy tells you that you need to have a serious talk does that usually mean that things are going to end up for the worse? perhaps I should write a fricken love colum in some magizine... perhaps I am naive in thinking that I am getting peoples turn tables spinning around in thier head? Ever get bored with a relationship that you just want to run away? you feel like you have been stuck with that person for so long that everything they do disgusts you? the touch, the kiss, the cute little things that got you sucked in for the first time. why does all romantic situations seem to loose thier charm...? does this mean that you will never find a person that will always feel like a first attraction? how do you re-kindle those feelings? can anyone else come up with questions? am I the only one out there that questions relationships?

You are not the only one. Everyone goes through times of questioning. Boredom may be an indication that something is seriously wrong with the relationship or it might just as well be that you're not putting into it what you might. Or both. or neither... I think part of the problem is the our attention spans are getting shorter. We have grown up with so much in our lives that's geared to short attention spans that we're losing the ability to do things long term. Seem that way, anyhow. It's likely you may never feel the way you do at the beginning of a relationship because there's a lot of chemical released during that time that go away.

[Onyx]

When I fell in love, I fell HARD. Couldn't eat. Couldn't sleep. Couldn't think straight.

Good thing that intensity didn't last, actually. It would probably have killed me and I certainly would have lost my job. I very much prefer the slow burn of an established relationship, though it was a wonderful experience.

Now and again I do believe questioning a relationship is a good thing. Most of the time after a crisis it comes back better than before. If not, a change was needed anyway.

Questioning things and working things out will usually make things so much better.

[creatureofthenyte]

Indeed, talking and communication is what seems to be needed in your case. Both people in the relationship have to put in effort to make it work, or its doomed to fail. If you or your s.o. is bored, then talk and figure out a way to spice it up. Make sure you do some thinking and decide what you really want, and if that happens to be the same as what he wants, then great, if not...then I would be concerned if I were in that situation.

But, just because your guy says "we need to talk" that does Not always mean doom and gloom.

Good luck, I hope things work out well for you.

[Homicidalheathen]

Personally I think its born into us somehow....genetically......we want to strengthen the tribe by having as many babies as possible with as many different partners as possible....well, WE may not want it but nature...yah.

7 yr itch is one saying that pretty much describes it.....

Coarse its good to remain in control a bit so you don't die of disease lol.

Cosmo has good tips for this and I am not kidding. I actually learned a thing or two from cosmo and I thought I had done it all.

[Scary Guy]

Humans are animals and as such weren't designed to be monogamous. What Marc said was right on the money since this is the age of instant gratification and things change so fast. No one puts up with a dull relationship anymore or even bothers to try to make it work out. They just break up/get divorced and move on. We're constantly growing and evolving as people and as such our needs and desires do the same. On the other side of the coin though, I hate whores.

But I'm jaded and bitter about the issue. I want a relationship that will last, yet that goes against science which I love and know can't be faulted. So I'll never get A because B makes it impossible unless the woman in question is a genetic freak of nature and lacks that desire to move on. The internal conflict in my head over that is huge.

[Homicidalheathen]

The talk may just be him wanting to pop the question...? Or are you already married?

[Steven]

Humans are animals and as such weren't designed to be monogamous. What Marc said was right on the money since this is the age of instant gratification and things change so fast. No one puts up with a dull relationship anymore or even bothers to try to make it work out. They just break up/get divorced and move on. We're constantly growing and evolving as people and as such our needs and desires do the same. On the other side of the coin though, I hate whores.

But I'm jaded and bitter about the issue. I want a relationship that will last, yet that goes against science which I love and know can't be faulted. So I'll never get A because B makes it impossible unless the woman in question is a genetic freak of nature and lacks that desire to move on. The internal conflict in my head over that is huge.

I kinda tripped onthis one a bit scary....

you speak of "design" (???) in the animal kingdom, as if there is a purpose or planner while you state that we are animals....(???)

you say peoples needs and desires change thru growth and evolvement and so we cannot stay with one person and yet you hate whores...(???)

you admit to both being jaded and that it is entirely scientific (this moving on and changing partners) and yet you state that you desire a lasting relationship...(???)

and that to accomodate this the woman must be a genetic freak of nature...(???)

and yet you are conflicted, which I beleive gives you some hope in my book.

your absolutely right about the evolving growth and needs. My only answer to that is that both partners need to do just that: grow and evolve, and then decide on pathways to compatibility. Relationships are anything BUT scientific.

[Msterbeau]

Steven is a genetic freak of nature, but I love him anyways. :-P

[Scary Guy]

I kinda tripped onthis one a bit scary....

you speak of "design" (???) in the animal kingdom, as if there is a purpose or planner while you state that we are animals....(???)

you say peoples needs and desires change thru growth and evolvement and so we cannot stay with one person and yet you hate whores...(???)

you admit to both being jaded and that it is entirely scientific (this moving on and changing partners) and yet you state that you desire a lasting relationship...(???)

and that to accomodate this the woman must be a genetic freak of nature...(???)

and yet you are conflicted, which I beleive gives you some hope in my book.

your absolutely right about the evolving growth and needs. My only answer to that is that both partners need to do just that: grow and evolve, and then decide on pathways to compatibility. Relationships are anything BUT scientific.

I speak of how things evolved and the way nature is supposed to work. Our desire to stay with one mate forever completely contradicts that. These days it's less indoctrinated into society through education (the typical idea of what a "normal" family is supposed to be) and yes faith bases.

Also I didn't just mean that the woman was a freak of nature, I'm a freak of nature too, as are you I'm guessing. Our beliefs go directly against it. In recent decades the divorce rate has skyrocketed because of a lack of society's and religion's stoning people to death or banishing them for divorcing, people are no longer FORCED to work it out, so they take the easy way out. These days a lot of people plan on just never getting married (which the only reasons these days are tax breaks and a fear of being/dying alone).

Everything is science, this would be sociology, which has a lot to do with psychology as well. If you take into account Freud's theories that we're all running with animal instincts just below the surface it makes perfect sense.

[Steven]

Steven is a genetic freak of nature, but I love him anyways. :-P

you have to stand in line a bit but its good work if you can get it brutha....

[Steven]

I speak of how things evolved and the way nature is supposed to work. Our desire to stay with one mate forever completely contradicts that. These days it's less indoctrinated into society through education (the typical idea of what a "normal" family is supposed to be) and yes faith bases.

Also I didn't just mean that the woman was a freak of nature, I'm a freak of nature too, as are you I'm guessing. Our beliefs go directly against it. In recent decades the divorce rate has skyrocketed because of a lack of society's and religion's stoning people to death or banishing them for divorcing, people are no longer FORCED to work it out, so they take the easy way out. These days a lot of people plan on just never getting married (which the only reasons these days are tax breaks and a fear of being/dying alone).

Everything is science, this would be sociology, which has a lot to do with psychology as well. If you take into account Freud's theories that we're all running with animal instincts just below the surface it makes perfect sense.

but here's the thing Bud, sometimes people work it out because they want to. Fire and Brimstone (I could have given a shit) had nothing to do with my reconciling a bad marriage, I just really wanted to do something right in my life for once.

Am I a freak of nature? well, I'm fucken weird I know that, I accept that, but to me its perfectly natural. On an evolutionary scale......if we are to supposedly naturally evolve to meet the needs/challanges of our environements, then why are we populating at all?

[Fierce Critter]

I'm probably very much in line with Steven here.

Some scattered thoughts that I think are on-topic...

Communication is key. Jon and I will be celebrating our 9th anniversary this October. The worst moments in our marriage have been when communication, for whatever reason, has totally broken down.

There have been tentative moments when it looked like someone might take the easy way out. But through communication and truth, it was decided that "we" are worth the "work."

Relationships pretty much always involve some amount of applied thought and work. Even if the thought is simply "how will this action affect us as a collective one."

When one or the other stops asking themselves that question, again, is when things break down.

I personally feel that the most successful relationships involve a realization that one has to become, utterly, selfless. Oh, some "me time" and non-shared interests/activities are fine, sure. But if you expect a relationship to work, you have to be willing to be a lot more selfless than the lone wolf out there.

Jon and I are at the baby steps out of a particularly critical period of struggle. We've been remarking to each other how, lately, we feel like we did in the best parts of our early days together. Some people had even told one or the other of us that we should have dumped each other due to some of the ugliness going on. Why did we ignore them and hold on? Because we value each other. Even when one of us might be treating the other with the utmost degree of selfishness, there's a glimmer of rememberance and understanding that life with that person is much, much more desireable than life without. It took some head-clearing and elimination of outside influence to really get back to fully respecting each other and seeing what was going on and tearing us apart.

One can always hope for some perfect relationship where none of these sorts of struggles ever arise. But if you really both put each other's happiness at the forefront of your priorities, generally, you can expect things to work out for the best.

And you know something, sometimes the ultimate show of that selflessness is letting the other one go.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

To the first part "serious talk means ut-oh":

I'd wait for more information before stressing yourself out if possible. If it turns out to be something "bad" no sense in beating ourselves up beforehand just so we can do it to ourselves again after the shoe finally does drop.

If it turns out to be benign then it was also a waste of brain power/strain.

Not that its nearly as easy to do as it is to say. I've gone through the same mental turmoil a ridiculous number of times.

The Second Part "Bored With Relationships":

This one would also need a lot more information to comment on in a fair manner. I could spew out a lot of romantic and witty sounding plattitudes at this point but i'll spare you.

Generally if your "bored" for more than short periods here and there that's called , usually, a bad sign. But it doesn't mean its not fixable. Really it is up to you to decide if its something that is worth working on or if its time to move on. No one can take all the factors into account like you could since your the one actually in the relationship. So be careful about what advice you take. Its important to keep clear in your mind that you have more info about your relationship than any of us armchair quarterbacks do.

[Scary Guy]

Am I a freak of nature? well, I'm fucken weird I know that, I accept that, but to me its perfectly natural. On an evolutionary scale......if we are to supposedly naturally evolve to meet the needs/challanges of our environements, then why are we populating at all?

Because if we stop then we stop existing. If humans only had sex for procreation rather than the pleasure then there would be a LOT less idiots on the planet.

But we are adapting through generational learning. Building in the defenses through each new birth and death (longterm evolution).

This of course has no baring on whether or not the families will stick together (which if they do is better for the progeny).

But kudos to you for working it out. These days however it's not the common thing to do.

Quick question, how many of you come from broken homes?

I don't myself however it's pretty dysfunctional and they only stay together because of me.

[Steven]

Because if we stop then we stop existing. If humans only had sex for procreation rather than the pleasure then there would be a LOT less idiots on the planet.

But we are adapting through generational learning. Building in the defenses through each new birth and death (longterm evolution).

This of course has no baring on whether or not the families will stick together (which if they do is better for the progeny).

But kudos to you for working it out. These days however it's not the common thing to do.

Quick question, how many of you come from broken homes?

I don't myself however it's pretty dysfunctional and they only stay together because of me.

laura and I both do (come from broken homes - fucking broken psychonaut homes)

[Michi]

Ugh... I was going to do a pretty elaborate response to this... but the thought of him repulses me.

I'm sick of affiliating my love with him...

Does that help answer any questions? Lol!

No?

Ah, well, figures doesn't it?

[Michi]

Humans are animals and as such weren't designed to be monogamous. What Marc said was right on the money since this is the age of instant gratification and things change so fast. No one puts up with a dull relationship anymore or even bothers to try to make it work out. They just break up/get divorced and move on. We're constantly growing and evolving as people and as such our needs and desires do the same. On the other side of the coin though, I hate whores.

But I'm jaded and bitter about the issue. I want a relationship that will last, yet that goes against science which I love and know can't be faulted. So I'll never get A because B makes it impossible unless the woman in question is a genetic freak of nature and lacks that desire to move on. The internal conflict in my head over that is huge.

I speak of how things evolved and the way nature is supposed to work. Our desire to stay with one mate forever completely contradicts that. These days it's less indoctrinated into society through education (the typical idea of what a "normal" family is supposed to be) and yes faith bases.

Also I didn't just mean that the woman was a freak of nature, I'm a freak of nature too, as are you I'm guessing. Our beliefs go directly against it. In recent decades the divorce rate has skyrocketed because of a lack of society's and religion's stoning people to death or banishing them for divorcing, people are no longer FORCED to work it out, so they take the easy way out. These days a lot of people plan on just never getting married (which the only reasons these days are tax breaks and a fear of being/dying alone).

Everything is science, this would be sociology, which has a lot to do with psychology as well. If you take into account Freud's theories that we're all running with animal instincts just below the surface it makes perfect sense.

Aaaahh! Double post on my part... but whatever, didn't start reading all of the thread replies before making my idiotic response. It's quite early right now, and I don't feel like exhausting the 4 hours of sleep I got before waking to something unpleasant.

You... are my new dgn crush!

Hahaha, can I make sexy time with your brain sir?

[Msterbeau]

Aaaahh! Double post on my part... but whatever, didn't start reading all of the thread replies before making my idiotic response. It's quite early right now, and I don't feel like exhausting the 4 hours of sleep I got before waking to something unpleasant.

You... are my new dgn crush!

Hahaha, can I make sexy time with your brain sir?

SG rarely inhabits these parts anymore. You may want to read more of his posts before you commit to crushing on him... Then again... maybe a couple is all it takes?

[Michi]

SG rarely inhabits these parts anymore. You may want to read more of his posts before you commit to crushing on him... Then again... maybe a couple is all it takes?

Eh?

[Riku Namako]

lol

what I think Masterbeau is saying is.....go to mephisto's and meet the guy in person, cuz he rarely posts on the board anymore...

[Msterbeau]

lol

what I think Masterbeau is saying is.....go to mephisto's and meet the guy in person, cuz he rarely posts on the board anymore...

Fuck yeah. LOL!!