Chestnut Trees Suck

[Fierce Critter]

In the spring, they burst forth with tons of flower blossoms. These fall to the ground in a sticky, slippery mess.

Then, when the blossoms fall, the empty pods fall. And they are S T I C K Y as hell, get all over everything, and end up tracked into the house.

Now, the chestnuts are growing in their big, green, spikey pods. A fair number of the green ones fall, and get in the way of walking, mowing grass, etc.

Then, the BIG MUTHERFUCKERS fall, and you've got BIG green spikey balls all over the place.

Then, they turn brown, harden, and IF YOU STEP ON THEM, THEY HURT LIKE A MUTHER FUCKER.

And we have FOUR OF THEM on the property of the house we're renting.

And the REAL punchline? Turns out they're horse chestnuts - which we discovered by roasting some of them and tasting them, only to find them horrendously bitter. A Google search turned up the difference between sweet chestnuts and horse chestnuts. Including the WONDERFUL news that THEY ARE POISONOUS.

We only had a bite or two, which isn't going to hurt us. But, well, goddamn it you know?!?!?

[Destroit]

Damn....

You should chop them bitches down then. If your landlord gets pissed, simply claim that they attacked you and your husband and that you allegedly chopped them down in self defense. He couldn't say shit.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

They are really good for dieing things black.

[creatureofthenyte]

Ehhh just chopp'em down and say that a couple of woodchucks came along and got really hungry.

[Homicidalheathen]

I guess squirrels are good for something after all then. Damn.

[pomba gira]

They are really good for dieing things black.

I thought that was black walnuts? Which are also good for preventing any other green thing from growing on your spread.

But yeah FC I feel ya... I have giant-ass oak trees all over the place, for the past couple weeks they've been gleefully hurling acorns at my car... damn things are everywhere, I can't even go outside barefoot now. Fuckin' squirrels aren't doing their job, wish I could put 'em on some kind of slave labor acorn harvesting quota system.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

maybe, I thought it was all of them... not sure I have ever beena round any other kind. I used to collect them to die my beaver and muskrat traps black.

[Fierce Critter]

I'm trying to remember all the quick reading I did on them to be sure Jon and I weren't going to need to gulp syrup of ipecac. But I think there was something in there about making black dye out of them.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

Did a bit of reading.. horse chestnuts are not chestnuts.. distant cousin though... completly differnt order.... you can bleach stuff with them.