Funny Funny Stuff

[Destroit]

So my cousin's wife posted this in a bulletin on her MySpace. Usually those bulletins are 90% CRAP (i.e. stupid surveys. Nobody cares about what you drank last, when's the last time you cried, what time you got up that morning, or how many times you've pissed that day, etc) but this one was pretty damn good. Not SURE if it's actually real, it says it is...but...it is the internetz we're talkin 'bout here. Either way, get a good laugh:

This is an actual letter sent to Proctor and Gamble from Wendi

Aarons,Austin, TX, regarding their feminine products. She really gets

rolling after the first paragraph . .

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your Always Maxi Pads for over 20 years and

I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuardCore

or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or

salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the

beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your

revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough

to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell

you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16

in my pants.

Have you ever had a period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from 'the

curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my 'time of the month' is

starting right now.As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces

violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body

will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call

'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills'. Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen

quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'

monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the

bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood

swings, crying, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a

tough time for most women. In

fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to

shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just

because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken

chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that

America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants...which

brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to

reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always

maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:

'Have a Happy Period.' Are you f***ing kidding me? Does any part of your

tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness * actual smiling,

laughing happiness is possible during a

period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?

Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak

girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have

to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kaluha and lock yourself in your house

just so you don't march down to the local Kmart armed with a hunting

rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap

a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say

something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put Down the Hammer' or

'Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective

immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have

chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will

certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your

brand of condescending bull shit. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons Austin, TX

[Onyx]

[hunhee]

Cute, and SO true!

[SuZQZ]

Actual letter or not, that was funny!

[freydis]

OMG, that was great!

[Kit Kat P]

That was hilarious, and my gf has heard me cussing out the 'happy period' tag. On a side note, the set I bought a few weeks ago was finally missing the condescending bit of trite.

[prettystar1sky]

I felt the SAME WAY when I saw that stupid message on my pads!!! Happy period, my ass!!

[Homicidalheathen]

Your kidding me. I had to have a partial hysterectomy so I didn't know they were doing this now.....you get like, popciscle stick or fortune cookie messages on them now?

How lame is that???

That was hilarious, and my gf has heard me cussing out the 'happy period' tag. On a side note, the set I bought a few weeks ago was finally missing the condescending bit of trite.

[Msterbeau]

What? I don't get it ... What's wrong?

[SuZQZ]

What? I don't get it ... What's wrong?

You so silly

Hey all. I wonder if they are going to print "Happy Hemorrhoids" on Tuck's Medicated Pads! How great would that be!!

[jadnifer]

That was just TOO funny! I wouldnt put it past someone to really write that letter.