Okay...my First Ever Self Pity Thread...

[xbittergracex]

So about 3 weeks ago...my boyfriend was talking to me about how he wasn't really sure he wanted to be in a relationship....which was always an obstacle because he had been single for over 12 years. So we talked about it and it was sort of rocky for a couple weeks....then last week things sort of got back to normal...but I was still sort of bracing myself. So we spent the whole weekend together from friday night until about noon sunday...and he spent the whole weekend telling me how much he wanted to be with me...and how he felt like he ruined it....and as far as I was concerned...when I went home sunday....I felt like everything was great....I even met his dad over the weekend....and then today he calls and just straight up dumps me. He was like "I guess I just want out..."

So I'm sort of like relieved because I sort of felt like it was coming....but I still had hoped things worked out.

This is probably the closest relationship I've ever had. I think if he had asked me to marry him...I would have said yes.

I'm totally heartbroken....but sort of relieved.

So I'm sitting here drinking some wine....and wondering wtf to do.

Have you ever been broken up with....for no good reason....when you thought things were fine....and if so....what did you do? I mean did you run out and party or did you sort of vegg out? Bla...I want my head to feel better...

[TygerLili]

Do what ever makes you feel better, but do it because you want to, not because you're feeling down or self-destructive, or even worse, because your friends talked you into it.

[tanuki1985]

Music helped me a lot when I went through my breakup. Try to spend time with your family and friends, especially those who are single. Any suggestions are great, but time is the best healer. When I broke up with the boyfriend I had from 7th grade through the end of my freshman year of college, I was in such a deep depression. No one did the breaking up; it was kind of a mutual agreement to separate. He pointed out all of my flaws and said he didn't know if he could go on with the relationship, and I pointed out all of his flaws and told him that I felt the same way... then we officially broke up. I was such a wreck that I had some terrible and disturbing thoughts, many of which were self-destructive and/or suicidal. After about a month, I completely forgot about him and was glad to be away from him. Since I was emotionally detatched from him, I was able to look back and see how dysfunctional and meaningless our relationship really was. I was also able to make more sense out of our reasons for breaking up. We fought all the time. He was a nerdy mama's boy who was horny but afraid of making out, and I was a gawf (but nerdy) freak. We disagreed on everything, such as religion, plans for the future, what kind of pr0n we liked, and so forth. We basically stayed together for so long because we didn't have many friends and we were afraid that we'd never be able to get into another relationship. I could go on and on, but I'll spare you. We had such lame reasons for us to continue torturing ourselves.

As time passes, you will be able to look back and make more sense of the whole situation as I have. I wish you the best. Remember that breakups happen for a good reason. After the grieving period, you will feel so liberated! *hugs*

[Pandora]

So about 3 weeks ago...my boyfriend was talking to me about how he wasn't really sure he wanted to be in a relationship....which was always an obstacle because he had been single for over 12 years. So we talked about it and it was sort of rocky for a couple weeks....then last week things sort of got back to normal...but I was still sort of bracing myself. So we spent the whole weekend together from friday night until about noon sunday...and he spent the whole weekend telling me how much he wanted to be with me...and how he felt like he ruined it....and as far as I was concerned...when I went home sunday....I felt like everything was great....I even met his dad over the weekend....and then today he calls and just straight up dumps me. He was like "I guess I just want out..."

So I'm sort of like relieved because I sort of felt like it was coming....but I still had hoped things worked out.

This is probably the closest relationship I've ever had. I think if he had asked me to marry him...I would have said yes.

I'm totally heartbroken....but sort of relieved.

So I'm sitting here drinking some wine....and wondering wtf to do.

Have you ever been broken up with....for no good reason....when you thought things were fine....and if so....what did you do? I mean did you run out and party or did you sort of vegg out? Bla...I want my head to feel better...

I was dumped on the phone three days after my ex and I were talking about how much we loved each other and were going to get married. I spent the next 3 months smoking copious amounts of pot and eating myself into a 30 lb. weight gain. There is No pain like heartbreak, other than the death of a child or parent I think.

I don't suggest you follow my lead. I suggest you realize you're lucky he left when he did and not at the altar or right after an engagement. There is someone out there for you I promise. Write down how you feel, that's a great way to get out the bad feelings in any situation.

Cry, let the grief out, don't bottle it up. Mourn the loss of a good man and let it go. You're a beautiful intelligent young woman, you will get through this.

The good reason is he wasn't ready, and after 12 years, may Never be ready, and that's his issue to deal with. You should be happy in the knowledge you are able to love someone, and that one day you will find someone who will love you back equally.

:-)

[Miranda]

It is always terrible when your worst fears about a situation are realized but you can never make a person feel in a manner that they don't. We can only fake things for so long and then people become venomous and nasty because of their reluctance to be honest with themselves.

I've been disappointed by a man's behavior towards me of course. Many times we are treated negatively for someone else's inadequacies and that isn't going to fly with me. I rather hear the truth and as soon as possible. I can handle my fate but I have to know what I am facing in order to cope. I think If I were you , I would definitely give myself time to let this sink in. I would probably still be quite numb if it were me.

The loss of someone you care for deeply can be excruciating and I am sorry for the pain you must feel. Everyone goes through it and it may take a long time before you do get over this feeling of abandonment and betrayal but my suggestion would be is face this head on. Do what you need to do to move on but realize it may take time is all I am saying.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Sometimes we are afraid of hitting rock bottom, but then i realize there was rock bottom, then like 500 feet of shit below that... then us. At times its almost impossible to keep your mind off it. Often it doesn't just feel bad, but its the soul-crushing horrible, doom and gloom sort of bad feeling. But, honestly the world is not going to end because of it. I could go through the litany of all the crap I've been through but this topic is about you.

After awhile (you do need to let it out for awhile) But after a certain point, it just zero good to keep thinking about it, and it just makes things worse. Keep your mind occupied with other things as best you can. Try to keep forcing yourself to talk to other people about some other subject, focusing on things that demand your attention, etc once you have had enough of the pit. Passage of time and keeping your mind focused on other things that you care about, or if your so numb, even just mindless chatter , anything to keep from dwelling on it. It sounds simple but i know its very hard in actual practice.

*comfort*

[Onyx]

Try to keep forcing yourself to talk to other people about some other subject, focusing on things that demand your attention, etc once you have had enough of the pit. Passage of time and keeping your mind focused on other things that you care about, or if your so numb, even just mindless chatter , anything to keep from dwelling on it. It sounds simple but i know its very hard in actual practice.

That to me helps more than anything, focusing on *something*, even work if nothing else.

I managed to live most of my life without being in love or giving my heart fully to anyone. I *thought* I had been in love, but really it was just a fondness, until this time. Being dumped when you've given your all, every single bit of your heart is just devastating. I guess that's the price we pay for really loving someone.

(((hugs)))

[Rev.Reverence]

So I'm sitting here drinking some wine....and wondering wtf to do.

Have you ever been broken up with....for no good reason....when you thought things were fine....and if so....what did you do? I mean did you run out and party or did you sort of vegg out? Bla...I want my head to feel better...

(((((HUGS)))))

I am ready to give the hardcore answer...(in case that is your way)...

..get over it...

The sooner the better...

..if the pain is too far beyond comprehension, find a way to transfer the emotional pain into physicality...

I use a scourge, a 'cat-o-9'...or get pierced...or a tattoo...

I must say...I am not telling you what to do...just what I would do...(Just don't cut yourself, it's the rules!)

(((((HUGS)))))It'll be alright..as soon as you tell IT it is...

[Draco1958]

So I'm sitting here drinking some wine....and wondering wtf to do.

Have you ever been broken up with....for no good reason....when you thought things were fine....and if so....what did you do? I mean did you run out and party or did you sort of vegg out? Bla...I want my head to feel better...

My ex decided one day she needed to stay at a friend's for a few days to think things over. I was like wtf?? Things seemed fine. She hadn't even started any arguments in weeks. 3 months later, just before my birthday she finally calls to say she is leaving me. She can't live the way things were going. Which is funny since things were going her way 90% of the time. I was in love so I went along to make her happy then she uses the way things were to justify a divorce. I moped for a while. Just sat home and did nothing other than go to work. I pretty much vegged out for a couple of months. Then I decided revenge was needed. So I started living life like her being gone was the best that could happen for me. Had friends over, went to the movies. Just tried having fun, like her leaving didn't phase me. Don't know if it worked and really don't care. All I can say is accept it, deal with it then move on. Find things to do that you enjoy. Let him see you out being happy even tho you still may be hurting. Just do what you can to live life and not let him see any pain

[DarkChylde]

Wow, you remind me of my old self back in the day when I use to be all emotional and loving. You might as well strap on a helmet because down the path in this world its going to keep getting colder and tougher. Life is not like these fairy tale movies we all seen when we were kids. This is reality were talking. I know it wont be anytime soon but once your eyes are truly open to the truth and accept it, you'll be more happier.

Not saying it to be critical or mean but only telling you how it is. Fantasies are based on love, while reality is based on lust.