poems about crap

[Rev.Reverence]

..not 9, not 11, but 10...

from the pain

deep within in my brain

to the twitching in my leg

the niche they stole

was to be my hole

now there's no where to place my peg

out in the rain

a bird pushed way past sane

for the weight of my wings

steadily looking for a home

never more out shall I roam

i sit on my porch pondering things

never were i lax

in keeping with my pacts

uttered often with drunken lips

a great many a maid

did want love but got laid

in attempt to trap me within the hips

yearning to leave

no more reasons to grieve

pull the Hearse around back

got to start moving

we mustn't stop grooving

just because we fell under attack

will you continue

to consume all they give you

even when you feel no need to eat

will you remember

in next years november

when fade the prints of my feet

I think that sums that one up...

WARNING:

written in enlightened cypher

some lines allegorical

some lines literal

I really used up my poetic license on this one...

But I had a rhyme pattern to stick to & "quick as possible" as a deadline...27 hours or so...& I did alot of shit yesterday..

ANOTHER SOON...

Oh yes...comment at will...

[Rev.Reverence]

*BUMPED-'CAUSE-IT'S-DONE*

[know_buddy_kares]

Here I sit all broken hearted,

Tried to shit but only farted

Then one day I took a chance

tried to fart but shit my pants

In days of old,

When knights were bold

and toilets weren't yet invented

you left your load

aside the road

and walked away with satisfied intent.

*These two poems are not my creation, they were anonymously written on a bathroom stall on my last field mission in Graff*

[Rev.Reverence]

DAMN!

I was not clear on what type of crap the poems were about...

my bad

[know_buddy_kares]

DAMN!

I was not clear on what type of crap the poems were about...

my bad

shit sorry... didn't mean to ruin your thread.

[Rev.Reverence]

shit sorry... didn't mean to ruin your thread.

No prob...I am unclear to often...it's a ZEN thing.

[Nevar (5)]

01001001 01001000 01000001 01010100 01000101

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01000111 01000100 01001111 01010111 01001110

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01010101 01001001 01001100 01010100 01000001

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01001100 01001100 01010100 01001111 01000101

01000001 01010010 01010100 01001000

[Hellion]

Excellent

btw its not poetry,its"Pewitry"

[Nevar (5)]

I hate everyone

God is just a myth

Jesus is sliding

Down the crusifix

He weighs 300 pounds

He's built a little girth

All the angels are crying

As they fall to earth

All we do is sit there

Filling up our bowls

Well the demons are dancing

Feasting on our souls

Noway nowhere

This is all so dumb

Everybody sits there

I think the devils won

[Rev.Reverence]

01001001 01001000 01000001 01010100 01000101

01000101 01010110 01000101 01010010 01011001

01001111 01001110 01000101 01000111 01001111

01000100 01001001 01010011 01001010 01010101

01010011 01010100 01000001 01001101 01011001

01010100 01001000 01001010 01000101 01010011

01010101 01010011 01001001 01010011 01010011

01001100 01001001 01000100 01001001 01001110

01000111 01000100 01001111 01010111 01001110

01010100 01001000 01000101 01000011 01010010

01010101 01000011 01001001 01000110 01001001

01011000 01001000 01000101 01010111 01000101

01001001 01000111 01001000 01010011 01010100

01001000 01010010 01000101 01000101 01001000

01010101 01001110 01000100 01010010 01000101

01000100 01010000 01001111 01010101 01001110

01000100 01010011 01011001 01000101 01000001

01001000 01001000 01000101 01010011 01000010

01010101 01001001 01001100 01010100 01000001

01001100 01001001 01010100 01010100 01001100

01000101 01000111 01001001 01010010 01010100

01001000 01000001 01001100 01001100 01010100

01001000 01000101 01000001 01001110 01000111

01001100 01000101 01010011 01000001 01010010

01000101 01000011 01010010 01011001 01001001

01001110 01000111 01000001 01010011 01010100

01001000 01000101 01011001 01000110 01000001

01001100 01001100 01010100 01001111 01000101

01000001 01010010 01010100 01001000

I'm so sorry...can somebody translate?...OR at least link me to a place I can learn?

[Rev.Reverence]

I hate everyone

God is just a myth

Jesus is sliding

Down the crusifix

He weighs 300 pounds

He's built a little girth

All the angles are crying

As they fall to earth

All we do is sit there

Filling up our bowls

Well the demons are dancing

Feasting on our souls

Noway nowhere

This is all so dumb

Everybody sits there

I think the devils won

[Nightgaunt]

I composed this haiku about poop 12 years ago...

Ahem...

Sitting on the can

with a cigarette in hand,

pooping and smoking.

Thank you, thank you.

[Hellion]

Her are a couple from past factory bathrooms

He who writes on shithouse walls

rolls their shit into little balls

He who reads these words of wit

Eats those little balls of shit

No more paper

No more linger

So lookout asshole

Here comes the finger

bathroom poetry is some of the most hilarious stuff ever written.LOL!!

[Homicidalheathen]

good lord look what happens when i google poop lol

Valentine's

Cupid Poop

I couldn't send you flowers

and candy wouldn't do

and mushy cards just didn't

say the things I want them to.

So I got you something special

and here's the inside scoop

I found you something very rare

it's genuine Cupid poop!

[use red hot heart candies]

Cupid Poop

Here is something from the cupids above,

who fly along with all of the doves.

Whose arrows have hit many lonely hearts,

they send you a gift for your big heart.

Your kindness and love have been so true,

so the cupids have sent you their little poo-poo.

Easter

Easter Bunny

Hidden eggs are not for you,

Not even in the chicken coop,

Look as you may, search as you will

All you'll find in bunny poop.

Easter Bunny

Here comes Peter Cottontail

Hoppin' down the bunny trail

Hippity Hoppity, Easter's on it's way!

But Peter couldn't wait so long

He left a bag of Bunny dung.

Hope this helps you have a hoppy day!

[use small chocolate easter eggs or chocolate covered raisins]

St. Patrick's

Leprechaun

It's time for the wearin' of the green

and the smallest people

you've ever seen.

The Luck of the Irish they carry along

and a pot of gold if you can hold them long.

But if you let them go too soon,

Leprechaun poop will be your due!

[use green Tic-Tac mints or green jelly belly's]

Independence Day

4th of July

It's the birthday of the Red White & Blue

I have a special gift for you!

With a flash and a Bang

and smoke that goes poof!

Here's your bag of

firecracker poop!

[use red licorice bites, Hot Tamales, Tic-Tac's, Fire-Ball candy or Jelly Belly's]

Halloween

Pumpkin Pooh

A night on the town

is certainly proof,

Pumpkins were watching,

while you made a goof,

Tricking not treating

is your game.

Your pumpkins at home

were thinking the same.

So, when you get home this you must do

check your shoes for pumpkin pooh.

[use cheesy puffs for the inside of a cello bag]

by Darla Gould and Friend

Pumpkin Poop

I started to carve a pumpkin

with my carving knife and scoop

But the pumpkin got so scared

He took a little poop!

It looked so cute and funny

Just like a candy treat

So I'm sharing it with you now

Because you are so sweet!

[use candy corn]

Pumpkin Poop

The goblins and ghosts

Have flown the coop

They even took the

Black Cat Soup

The only thing left

Is this yummy loot

So sit and enjoy

Your pumpkin poop!

Halloween / Ghost

Wishing you a Halloween Boo!

All you get is Ghost Poo!

Place it in water clear

Watch it magically disappear!

[use melting packing peanuts]

Halloween / Ghost

Ghostly poo is fluffy and nice

Vampire doo doesn't come near

Hold it under water

and watch it disappear!

Boooooooooooo!

[use melting packing peanuts]

Halloween / Ghost

Halloween Greetings are near

Hold this under water

and watch the ghost poop....disappear!

Happy Halloween....Boo!

[use melting packing peanuts]

Halloween / Ghost

I could hear them in the walls

running down the halls

In and out of rooms,

Dancing with the brooms,

But, alas not one believed

the Ghosts roamed my happy home,

so I collected up their droppings

as a special gift for you

for now a fool you'll pay

with evidence of ghoul play.

[use mini marshmallows, popcorn or white Tic-Tac mints]

Scarecrow Poop

Halloween is coming

fall is in the air.

The scarecrow is shivering

so you've got to beware!

The birds are flying a big loop-de-loop.

Look out!

You've stepped in Scarecrow Poop!

[use Candy Corn inside a cello bag]

Credit goes to Ann M., of IA

Scarecrow Poop

Scarecrows can be cute,

Scarecrows can be scary,

and though they move their feet alot,

they're only sedentary.

But if you leave them to their own,

and find them in the morn,

I'll bet you didn't know-

Scarecrows poop candy corn!

by Kate Lewis

Thanksgiving

Scarecrow Poop

Fall is here...there's a nip in the air,

But you won't have to sink to despair!

To have a warm laugh - here's the scoop,

I'm giving you some Scarecrow poop!

[You can use cut up pieces of raffia for this or any fall colored candy]

Turkey Poop

You invited me to dinner

with your family and your friends.

You didn't say I was the main dish.

For me it was "THE END!"

You frightened me so badly

I knew I had been duped!

So I left you with my calling card:

This bag of Turkey Poop!

[Fill bag with coffee beans, raisinets, jelly beans, etc...]

Christmas / Winter

Reindeer

We were awakened when we heard Santa call,

"Dash away, dash away, dash away all!"

But soon we discovered out on the front lawn,

Santa and his reindeer were gone.

With our little shovels, we started to scoop,

all of the droppings.....YUCK, reindeer poop!

So, then we generously filled you up a sack,

Have a Merry Christmas and enjoy your snack.

[The above can be made with a cardboard french fry container

and stamped with Christmas stamps all over and then filled with

little plastic bags with Milk Duds or Malt balls]

Reindeer

For all the souls who hate the noise

Of Christmas cheer and lights and toys

For Mr. Scrooge and Mrs. too,

here's a little gift for you...

A lump of coal won't be enough

to make up for the shine and fluff,

So, here's a scoop of reindeer poop

to offset all that Christmas goop!!

Rudolph

Santa saved a precious gift

And it's especially for you.

Just a little something extra

And it comes from Rudolph, too!

He knows that you've been naughty

Instead of being nice.

Once again you're on the bad list

And he's checked it over twice.

Santa hopes this little poem

Doesn't throw you for a loop.

All your getting this year

Is a bunch of reindeer poop!

The Elves

Moose Poop

My moose just left,

you heard me right.

Just packed his bags

and left my sight.

But with some luck

upon the ground,

there will be evidence

to be found.

[use milk duds, malted milk balls, chocolate covered

raisins or chocolate covered peanuts]

Moose Poop

- FOR HUNTING SEASON -

I hunted and hunted

But "oh shoot"!

All I found this season was Moose Poop!

[fill your baggie with chocolate covered raisins]

Snowman

Heard you've been naughty

So here's the scoop,

All you get is...

Snowman Poop!

[poop can be marshmallows]

Snowman Poop

I hear you've been naughty,

So listen, here's the scoop...

I'm running short on coal this year,

so you get "Snowman Poop"

Love, Santa

[use mini-marshmallows]

I Learned All About Life From a Snowman...

It's okay if you're a little bottom heavy.

Hold your ground, even when the heat is on.

Wearing white is always appropriate.

Winter is the best of the four seasons.

It takes a few extra rolls to make a good midsection.

There's nothing better than a foul weather friend.

The key to life is to be a jolly, happy soul.

We're all made up of mostly water.

You know you've made it when they write a song about you.

Accessorize! Accessorize! Accessorize!

Don't get too much sun.

It's embarrassing when you can't look down and see your feet.

It's fun to hang out in your front yard.

Always put your best foot forward.

There's no stopping you once you're on a roll.

Snowman Poop

Santa looked at his list,

even checked it twice.

And he found out that

you haven't been nice.

Since coal is so expensive,

here is the scoop,

Santa is filling your stocking with ...

SNOWMAN POOP!!!!

Reindeer Poop

Santa's been here. How do I know?

Look what I found outside in the snow!

[use this to top a cello bag of raisins or raisinettes]

Gingerbread Men Poop

Heard you've been naughty!

So here's the scoop

all YOU get is

Gingerbread Poop!

[use gum drops]

Poop rhymes from the schoolyard: a treasury of childhood pooplore

Mama Mia

(from Little Rock, AR 1984)

Mama Mia,

Papa Pia,

Baby's got the diarrhea!

Mama said it wouldn't hurt,

So Daddy ate it for dessert!

Diarrhea, Bum, Bum

(from Chicago, IL 1973)

Diarrhea, bum, bum,

Diarrhea, bum, bum,

Some people think it's funny,

But it's really dark and runny,

Diarrhea, bum, bum,

Diarrhea, bum, bum,

It needn't cause you pain,

You just sit and let it drain,

Diarrhea, bum, bum,

Diarrhea, bum, bum,

It's painful as it issues

From those hot and burning tissues,

Diarrhea, bum, bum,

Diarrhea, bum, bum,

It's stinky, brown and smelly

As it chugs out of your belly,

Diarrhea, bum, bum,

Diarrhea, bum, bum,

It's made of corn and beans

And it comes in shades of greens,

Diarrhea, bum, bum,

Diarrhea, bum, bum!

(contributed by NakedEwok)

When you're standin' in the shower

And you smell somethin sour,

Diarrhea, bum, bum,

Diarrhea, bum, bum!

When you're slidin' into home

And your pants are full of foam,

Diarrhea, bum, bum,

Diarrhea, bum, bum!

When you smell somethin' funky

And your pants are feelin chunky,

Diarrhea, bum, bum,

Diarrhea, bum, bum!

When you're sittin' in a class,

And that fart let out more than gas,

Diarrhea, bum, bum,

Diarrhea, bum, bum!

(contributed by Vadar)

Some people think it's poop,

But it's really Campbells soup!

(from Newfoundland, 1983)

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

Some people think it's funny,

But it's good with toast and honey,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(from Erie, PA, 1989)

I wake up in the morning, put my foot to the floor,

Make a fifty-yard dash to the bathroom door,

Diarrhea, uh! uh!

Diarrhea, uh!

No pain, no strain,

Just let it drain,

Diarrhea, uh! uh!

Diarrhea, uh!

Some people think it's gross,

But it's really toast.

Diarrhea, uh! uh!

Diarrhea, uh!

Sittin' in the pool,

And I felt something cool,

Diarrhea, uh! uh!

Diarrhea, uh!

I was walkin' down the hall,

And I felt somethin' fall,

Diarrhea, uh! uh!

Diarrhea, uh!

(contributed by Kryptoman)

Some people think it's gross,

But it's really good on toast!

Diarrhea, diarrhea!

(contributed by Dwheeler4jesus)

Diarrhea..uh uh

Diarrhea..uh uh

Set on the pot

And give it all you got!

Diarrhea..uh uh

Diarrhea..uh uh

People think its funny,

But it is really hot and runny!!

Diarrhea..uh uh

Diarrhea..uh uh

(contributed by Mae M., from Youngstown, OH, 1989)

Dia-uh-uh!

Dia-uh-uh!

Going to first,

Pants about to burst,

Dia-uh-uh!

Dia-uh-uh!

Going to second,

Can't wait another second,

Dia-uh-uh!

Dia-uh-uh!

Going to third,

Laying little turds,

Dia-uh-uh!

Dia-uh-uh!

Going to home,

Pants are full of foam,

Dia-uh-uh!

Dia-uh-uh!

(contributed by Dan)

Wake up in the morning, put your feet on the floor,

Do the fifty yard dash to the bathroom door,

Diarrhea!

When you're sliding into first,

And you feel something burst,

Diarrhea!

When you're sliding into third,

And you lay a juicy turd, (or) And you feel a floppy turd. (alternate line contributed by Mllindmeyer)

Diarrhea!

When you're sliding into home,

And you feel something foam,

Diarrhea!

(contributed by John M.)

When you hit and run to first

And you feel you're gonna burst

Diarrhea, diarrhea!

And off you run to second,

You can't wait another second,

Diarrhea, diarrhea!

You make it on to third

And you feel a squishy turd,

Diarrhea, diarrhea!

(contributed by anonymous)

When you're sitting in the lodge,

And you feel like you've been hit by a Dodge,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

When you're sittin' in the grass,

And you feel something slide out your ass,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by Julia1G)

When the cops are on your trail,

And you have a monkey tail,

Diarrhea, diarrhea!

(contributed by DbandKaiko)

When you feel a big sag

And people want to gag,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by BACC4MORE)

If you're sliding on a slide,

And you feel something glide,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by Sonya, 1999)

Diarrhea cha cha cha !

Diarrhea cha cha cha !

When you're carrying your bags and you feel something sag,

Diarrhea cha cha cha!

Diarrhea cha cha cha!

When you're swimming in the ocean and you feel an explosion,

Diarrhea cha cha cha !

Diarrhea cha cha cha !

When you're walking in the rain and you feel something drain,

Diarrhea cha cha cha !

Diarrhea cha cha cha !

When you're swimming in the pool and you feel something drool,

Diarrhea cha cha cha !

(contributed by Cletus027)

When you are sitting in the bath and you hear a big ol' splash..

Diarrhea cha cha cha!

Diarrhea cha cha cha!

(contributed by Porschfrk, 1999)

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

When you're taking a dump

And you look like Forest Gump,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

When you're riding in your Chevy (or) When you're sittin' in your Chevy (alternate line contributed by Shag5855)

And you feel something heavy, (or) Your pants are gettin' heavy (alternate line contributed by Abs0lutelynot)

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

When you're standing by the wall

And you feel something fall,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

When you're sitting in your chair

And you feel something tear,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

When you're working out

And you hear your ass shout,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

After you eat Chinese

And you hear your ass say, PLEASE!

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

When you eat a Big Mac

And you feel something crack

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

When your ass is very hairy

And you feel a dinkleberry,

DIARRHEA! DIARRHEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(contributed by Cheetah, 1999)

Diarrhea, diarrhea!

When you're watchin' TV

And it feels like a pee

Diarrhea, diarrhea!

When you're sliding into 3rd

And you feel a squishy turd

Diarrhea, diarrhea!

(contributed by 3-Tude-3, words by Piper H.)

If you're climbing up a ladder

And you feel something splatter,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

If you're sitting on your bed

And you feel something spread,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by MMK)

When you're sitting in the dirt,

And you feel something squirt,

Diarrhea!

(contributed by AceManAL)

When you get out of bed

And you see some lead,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by HwFViCEPreZ)

If you're riding into town

And you see something brown,

Diarrhea!

If you're riding in a Pinto

And something flies in the window,

Diarrhea!

If you're riding in a taxi

And you feel something waxy,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

If you're driving in a Ford

And something pops out of a board,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

If you have a cat

And you see some scat,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

If you're sittin' on the pot

And you think it's gettin' hot,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

If you feel something runny

And you don't think it's funny

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

If you see a brown nut

And something pops out of your butt,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

If you see something dark and runny

And it's comin' from a bunny,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

If you feel you need to defecate

But you just can't wait,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by SURFDOODES)

I was digging with a shovel

And I felt something bubble,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by DMX68287)

When you're hootin' with the owls,

And you have to move your bowels,

Diarrhea! Diarrhea!

(contributed by Vickey1212)

Diarrhea!

Diarrhea!

You can tell

By the smell

That you ain't feelin' well !

Diarrhea!

(contributed by Charles)

I smell diarrhea! cha cha cha cha cha!

It's yellow and green,

Shouldn't have ate that bowl of beans;

It stinks so bad

It made me sad;

The pepto didn't coat it,

Now my ass is going to explode it...

I smell like diarrhea! cha cha cha cha cha!

Yum, Yum, Bubble Gum

(from St. John's, Newfoundland 1983)

Yum, yum, bubble gum,

Stick it up the baby's bum;

When it's brown

Take it down,

Yum, yum, bubble gum!

Yum, yum, bubble gum,

Stick it up the teacher's bum;

When it's black,

Take it back,

Yum, yum, bubble gum!

Birdie, Birdie

(from Syracuse, New York, 1968)

Birdie, birdie, in the sky

Dropped some whitewash in my eye;

I don't worry, I don't cry,

I'm just glad that cows don't fly!

(from Cottage Grove, MN 1974)

Birdie, birdie in the sky,

Drop a tirdie in my eye.

I don't fret and I don't cry,

I'se just glad that cows don't fly!

(contributed by Zarpad, 1999)

Birdy, Birdy in the sky,

Why'd you do that in my eye?

Looks like coffee, tastes like spit... or Looks like ice cream, tastes like spit... (contributed by Jody)

Oh my god! It's birdy shit!

That's Amore!

(contributed by Andrea H.)

When a cow in the sky

Drops a pie in your eye,

That's amore!

Little Robin Redbreast

(from Syracuse, NY, 1963)

Little Robin Redbreast,

Sitting on a pole,

Niddy-noddy went his head

And poop went his hole!

We're Eating Horse Manure

(from Syracuse, NY 1964)

We're eating horse manure,

We found it in the sewer;

Horse manure, fun to eat!

Horse manure, what a treat!

Horse manure! Horse manure!

Milk, Milk, Lemonade

(All accompanied by appropriate gestures)

(from Fayette, IA, 1958)

Milk, milk, lemonade,

Round the corner, fudge is made.

(from Cottage Grove, MN, 1974 - these lines are often added to the previous ones)

Put your finger up the hole,

Out will come a tootsie roll.

(or, alternate version contributed by K8KINS)

Stick your finger in your hole,

Now you have a tootsie roll.

(contributed by DGNR81106, 1999)

Stick your finger all the way,

Out pops a Milky Way!

Stick it up a little more,

Out comes a fudgy s'more!

(from Jainesville, WI, 1964)

Push the buttons, pull the chain,

Round the corner, fudge is made.

(from Dewitt, AR, 1972)

Push the button, pull the chain,

And out comes a chocolate choo-choo train.

Nanna, Nanna, Boo-Boo

(from Little Rock, AR, 1985)

Nanna, nanna, boo-boo,

Stick your head in doo-doo. (or poo-poo)

The Flying Turd

(from Jacksonville, AR, 1960)

The days were old, the nights were blue,

And through the alleys the shit wagons flew.

A bump was hit, a cry was heard,

A man was killed by a flying turd!

(contributed by Mary S.

The sky was black, the moon was blue,

And down the alley the shit wagon flew;

A bump was hit, a scream was heard,

And Johnny was hit by a flying turd! [substitute the name of your choice for Johnny.]

(contributed by KMD8993)

The night was dark, the moon was blue,

Around the corner the shit wagon flew;

Johnny stood there and couldn't say a word; [substitute the name of your choice for Johnny.]

He was choking on a flying turd!

(contributed by NakedEwok)

The night was dark, the sky was blue,

Around the corner the poop wagon flew.

Shots were fired, a scream was heard,

A man was killed by a flying turd.

In Days of Old

(contributed by ShiftyTrax)

In days of old

When knights were bold

And toilets weren't invented,

They left their load

Beside the road

And walked away contented.

Stranded

(from Plano, TX, 1972)

(to the tune of Branded)

Stranded, stranded on the toilet bowl,

What do you do when you're stranded

And you don't have a roll?

To prove you're a man,

You must wipe with your hand,

Da - Da - Daaaa... Stranded!

To prove you're a girl,

You must wipe with a curl,

Da - Da - Daaaa... Stranded!

Here I Sit

(from Buffalo, NY, 1979)

Here I sit, broken-hearted,

Paid a dime but only farted.

Yesterday I took a chance,

Saved a dime but shat my pants.

(Submitted by Mary:)

Here I sit, broken-hearted, (or) There I sat, broken-hearted, (variant submitted by John M.)

Had to shit but only farted. (or) Tried to shit but only farted. (variant submitted by Angelfan)

(Submitted by RaiderEp:)

Here I sit all broken hearted,

Tried to shit but only farted!

Here I sit in a trance,

Tried to fart, but shit my pants!

(Submitted by BigZ)

Here I sit all broken hearted;

Paid a nickle to shit and only farted.

If that nickle broke your heart,

I hope you shit every time you fart.

(Submitted by SlarryMBOB)

Here I sit, broken hearted,

Tried to shit but only farted;

Then one day I took a chance,

Tried to fart but shit my pants!

(Submitted by Aryeh G.)

Here I sit, cheeks a-flexin',

Giving birth to another Texan.

(Submitted by Louise L.)

As I sat on the pooper,

I gave birth to a new state trooper!

Some Come Here

(Submitted by bob cowboy)

Some come here to sit and think,

But I come here to shit and stink!

Here I Sit to Take a Shit

(Poem from Mike B. of Ohio, submitted by Aaron O.)

Here I sit to take a shit;

I pushed a load,

But nothing showed,

I realized something was amiss,

I came in here to take a piss.

Billy Baker

(Submitted by Mary S.)

Billy Baker, the candlestick maker,

Wiped his butt on a piece of paper;

The paper was so thin

His finger slipped in

And, oh, what a hell of a shape Billy Baker was in!

Those Who Write on Shithouse Walls

(Submitted by Scott)

Those who write on shithouse walls

Roll their shit in little balls;

Those who read these words of wit

Eat those little balls of shit.

Over the Hills and Far Away

(Submitted by Calvin T.)

Over the hills and far away,

I saw something; it looked like clay.

I picked it up and ate it;

Oh, my God! It's a piece of shit!

Poopy, Poopy in my Pants

(Submitted by Cheetah)

Poopy, poopy in my pants,

Please, oh please, I need another chance!

Poopy poopy in my bum,

Musta been the juicy plums!

When I think about it

I really gotta shout it

POOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joy to the Poop

(Submitted by Cheetah)

Joy to the poop,

I flushed it down;

It made a gassy sound

But when I crap soon

There might be an explosive boom!

Here It Is In Smelly Vapors

(Submitted by HtsCheese)

Here it is in smelly vapors,

Someone stole the toilet paper.

How much longer shall I linger

Till I'm forced to use my finger?

Cinnamon Plop Biscuits

(Submitted by Mr. Buttsy)

A family restaurant - delicious

Eggs and sauasage-bacon vicious

I run and shit out rocks of Christmas

Thanks to Bob's drop-plop biscuits.

Maybe

(Submitted by Pookee316)

MAYBE I"ll fart and maybe you'll smell it,

Maybe I'll put in a jar and sell it...

And if you really like the smell of it you can come in the bathroom next time I take a DOOKIE!!

Me Mudder

(Submitted by KMD8993)

When me prayers are poorly said, who tucks me in me little bed and spanks me 'til me ass is red, me mudder.

Who would me hair so gently part, and hug me close up to her heart, and sometimes squeeze me til me fart, me mudder.

Who looked at me with eyebrows knit, and nearly had a king size fit, when in me Sunday pants me shit, me mudder.

When at night the bed did squeak, me raised me head to take a peak, who yelled at me " go back to sleep", me fadder.

I Had a Turd

(Submitted by NakedEwok)

I had a turd whose name was Sal,

Sixteen miles on the anal canal.

Poop, Poop

(Submitted by EVILinPINK14)

Poop, poop, stinky and brown,

The more I sniff, the more I frown,

The more I crap the more I smile,

So let's take craps all the while!

Tubby, Tubby Two-By-Four

(Submitted by TufFeet262)

Tubby, Tubby, two-by-four,

Couldn't fit through the bathroom door,

So she did it on the floor,

Licked it up and did some more.

Mambo #5

(Submitted by Allison, Erica and Kelly)

1-2-3-4-5

Come on, everybody, let's poop and jive!

All da way to the poopy land

And we can play together in the poopy sand.

[Chorus]

A litlle bit of kaka in my pants,

A little bit of poop covered ants,

A little bit of kakasha all da way,

A little bit of bull shit in da hay,

A little bit of doodoo; baby. do you want some?

Hey! get the poo off my bum!!

Whatcha Eating?

(Submitted by TrollForce Programming Team)

Whatcha eating?

Chocolate pudding!

Where'dja get it?

Doggie dropped it!

Where'd he drop it?

In the sewer.

What do you call it?

Dog manure!

This is the Story of a Man

(Submitted by who)

This is the story of a man

Who pooped a river and blew it away with a fan;

Then he scooped it up with a can;

When he saw what he had done

He saved it till he he was forty one

When he came to be that old

The can was full of mold;

This is what everyone says:

He drank it anyways.

Me Flooding the Toilet

(Submitted by Alyssa)

Two little doodies sittin' in a potty,

One went down and the other one was naughty!

Poop Riddles

Why did Piglet look in the toilet? He wanted to see Pooh!

What do toilet paper and and the Star Ship Enterprise have in common? They both fly around Uranus looking for Klingons. (Submitted by Mary S.)

Why are turds tapered? So your anus won't slam shut after it comes out. (Submitted by Brian)

Why are turds always tired? Because they're pooped out! (Submitted by Cheri and Mike D.)

What do you call a 12-inch turd? A foot stool! (Submitted by Malachi Pulte)

What do you do when you are eaten by an elephant? Run around and around till

you're all pooped out. (Submitted by TrollForce Programming Team)

Poop Sayings

"I need to poop so bad I've got lumps in my throat."

"Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day." - Harry S Truman, contributed by UprightCitizen1.

What you say to someone who is hard to understand: "You sound like a shit salesman with a mouthful of samples." Contributed by Shari J. of Sacramento, CA.

[Homicidalheathen]

I composed this haiku about poop 12 years ago...

Ahem...

Sitting on the can

with a cigarette in hand,

pooping and smoking.

Thank you, thank you.

[Nevar (5)]

I saw the morning moon

From inside of my bed room

All the flowers are in bloom

While i'm tripping on some shrooms

I think i see raccoons

And there flying on there brooms

They all give me a gloom

And continue going zoom

I tried to use a loom

Then i realized I'm the groom

So i buy things that go vroom

And it leads to certain doom

Cause i ran into a loon

And it made his world go boom

So i'm leaving very soon

Before my world goes out of tune