An april fools article I wrote

[TitsMcGee]

Evolving technology or weird science?

Marie Romel

Staff Writer

With new technology on the rise, it was only a matter of time before Americans found themselves with the choice to have an implantable MP3 player or not. That’s right, an implantable iPod, courtesy of a new partnership between Apple and Homeland Security. The identification chip will be loosely based on ones already on the market for animals, but with an iPod feature.

The chip will replace the need for paper passports and state ID cards creating more revenue for cash strapped states. According to experts, implantation of the chip, just behind the ear, is painless and takes less than 10 minutes. Constructed of many ultra-small microchips, it can hold up to 3,000 MP3’s which are downloaded wirelessly from a personal computer.

The chip is still in its production phase so it won’t be available until late this year or early 2009.

The Director of Homeland Security Daniel Sackheim said, “The ID/iP is the next step in the protection of America and its citizens. It is our hope that every citizen of this country will have one by the year 2020.”

Sackheim said that by teaming up with Apple, they are making the chip more marketable and affordable to people. Others in Washington are not so keen to the idea of “Big Brother” knowing where a person is at all times.

One of the loudest voices of opposition comes from Montana Senator Max Baucus, who said he believes people should come and go as they please, and implanting a chip into their bodies is a violation of their civil rights. There are many standing with him. Opposition groups have vowed to write a bill stopping the proposal.

Members of the medical community are also leery on implanting a chip into humans, because there haven’t been any tests done with a human subject. Dr. Steven Stack of the American Medical Association said, “Without proper testing over years, there is no way to tell what kind of side effects this chip will have on a person’s body.”

This sentiment is echoed across the medical field, from general practitioners to surgeons. Many are wondering how much the ID/iP will cost. Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak said, “A definite price hasn’t been set. We hope the price will be kept at a level where most everyone will be able to afford it.”

What type of effect could this chip have on the average citizen? By having the ID/iP not only would one be able to give up having to carry around a paper license, but it could also be used for voter registration, passport, and of course it’s a music player.

A poll was taken among ACC students and the results are three to one in favor of the chip. When asked why he was in favor of the ID/iP, ACC student Sam Smithen, 22 said, “I always lose my license, and it would be cool to have music right at my finger tips without having to carry around a normal MP3 player with all the wires.”

The same poll was administered to people in the general community and it was 4-1 against the chip. when asked why he felt that way, Alpena resident Dwayne Z. Pipes, 43, said, “I feel it would be a violation of my rights, having the government see where I might be at all times. I’m not a criminal – I don’t feel that they should be able to track my every movement—that’s what they’re going to use it for the music is just a ruse.”

Whether this ID/iP is a product of evolving technology or weird science, it will certainty have an effect on the country and the world. What it could mean for the future is still a mystery but it won’t have an effect today.

Marie Romel can be reached at HappyAprilFoolsDay.gotcha..Enjoy the holiday and have a great Spring Semester from all of us here at The CrossCut.

[freydis]

heh.

[taysteewonderbunny]

I know many people who are quite convinced this isn't very far-fetched.

[jynxxxedangel]

I'll take an iPod implant, but without the "bug" feature, thanks.

[TheGimp]

+1 with bunny but iam eh on it forgive me if iam wrong and please correct me if iam but isnt this suppose to be like a sign fom the bible or whatever like the mark of the beast and what not i know 666 is but isnt the whole inplanting of chips and what not like a thing going agaisnt god or whatevr i kow this thing is a hoax or whatevr but i have heard about it threw the years on a seriouse note...*shurgs*

[TitsMcGee]

+1 with bunny but iam eh on it forgive me if iam wrong and please correct me if iam but isnt this suppose to be like a sign fom the bible or whatever like the mark of the beast and what not i know 666 is but isnt the whole inplanting of chips and what not like a thing going agaisnt god or whatevr i kow this thing is a hoax or whatevr but i have heard about it threw the years on a seriouse note...*shurgs*

I had people asking me for weeks if this was real. I apparently was rather convincing lol.

[taysteewonderbunny]

I had people asking me for weeks if this was real. I apparently was rather convincing lol.

Oh, it will be. It will be. Mwahahahahahahha. Us Socialists, you know. It couldn't be right wing extremists, either. (too far is too far in either direction, btw.)

[TheGimp]

I had people asking me for weeks if this was real. I apparently was rather convincing lol.

oh no sweety i new ur artical was fake by the title lol but the chips ive been hearing about for years and thats why i asked if i was right about the whole bible thumper thng