Abysmal Deprivation

[bean]

Swirling Oblivion,

Darkest Despair.

Tears. Fists.

Fight.

Crumble.

Misery escalating.

Clinging,

Squeezing

Life.

the dark torment of

Nothing.

Black hole

never-ending:

Wondering,

Pacing,

Remembering.

Where is Joy?

Sea of Deception.

Trickery.

Laughing

Jokes

Mocking

Words

Hateful

Smile.

The devil wears a blonde wig.

“Mother”

[Nienna]

This is realloy interesting. I like the formatting too.

[taysteewonderbunny]

I like the form as well. The way you lay the words on the page emphasizes very well the amount of time you want us to spend on each word and gives each more impact. Only, I would leave the quotations off of "Mother" unless you mean to imply that she is not really your mother.

I like how sparse it is. You really evoke a good deal letting us muse upon the individual words and our personal associations with them before slapping us with "Mother". That makes it very effective.

One caveat though: "ing" endings to verbs are considered much weaker in poetry than other forms of the present tense. I don't think that this poem is damaged by it, but you may want to avoid it in future works.

Thank you for sharing this with us, Beanwater. I look forward to reading more!

[Rev.Reverence]

...I'ld clap...but I do not think it apropriate.....

.....SO I'll to your great wordiness.....

[bean]

aww thanks you guys *blushes*

Mother was meant to be in quotations. Meaning that she is mother by relationship only, but otherwise not a mother at all (in that she doesn't act like a mother).

I used to post my poetry on here all the time - you'd have to dig back a ways - a few years. There's quite a bit of it though.

I generally don't play around with formatting too much - I'm glad it seems to work how I wanted it to.

[TitsMcGee]

...I'ld clap...but I do not think it apropriate.....

.....SO I'll to your great wordiness.....

I agree with Rev

[Rev.Reverence]

aww thanks you guys *blushes*

Mother was meant to be in quotations. Meaning that she is mother by relationship only, but otherwise not a mother at all (in that she doesn't act like a mother).

I used to post my poetry on here all the time - you'd have to dig back a ways - a few years. There's quite a bit of it though.

I generally don't play around with formatting too much - I'm glad it seems to work how I wanted it to.

.....SO.....when can I get you to Trixxie's?

There's a BLOWOUT planed on the 21th... ...it's the ANNIVERSARY...(7 years I think)

[bean]

I agree with Rev

Thanky!

.....SO.....when can I get you to Trixxie's?

There's a BLOWOUT planed on the 21th... ...it's the ANNIVERSARY...(7 years I think)

Niche keeps telling me I need to read my stuff at Trixie's but, I can't.

I get all panicky and nervous.

My words would be ruined because I'd be shaking and speaking way too quickly.

If I ever get over my anxiety, I'll do it

[taysteewonderbunny]

Beanwater, if you read at Trixie's, I just might. I understand about being nervous, but you have talent and should share it. Unless you just want to concentrate on "page" poems.

[Rev.Reverence]

Thanky!

Niche keeps telling me I need to read my stuff at Trixie's but, I can't.

I get all panicky and nervous.

My words would be ruined because I'd be shaking and speaking way too quickly.

If I ever get over my anxiety, I'll do it

...if you read it to me.....I'll read it on stage for you...

[bean]

Beanwater, if you read at Trixie's, I just might. I understand about being nervous, but you have talent and should share it. Unless you just want to concentrate on "page" poems.

Thanks. I'm not nervous about reading my stuff. I just get nervous getting up in front of people in general. I panic when I have to do it in class, I panic at work (and I'm very comfortable with the people there).

...if you read it to me.....I'll read it on stage for you...

That's an idea.

[Rev.Reverence]

That's an idea.

Happy to serve!

[bean]

I took taystee....'s suggestions and edited the poem accordingly:

Oblivion Swirls,

Darkest Despair.

Tears. Fists.

Fight.

Crumble.

Misery escalates.

Cling,

Squeeze

Life.

the dark torment of

Nothing.

Black hole

never-ends:

Wonder,

Pace,

Remember.

Where is Joy?

Sea of Deception.

Trickery.

Laugh.

Jokes.

Mock.

Words.

Hate.

Smile.

The devil wears a blonde wig.

“Mother”

[drool]

Swirling Oblivion,

Darkest Despair.

Tears. Fists.

Fight.

Crumble.

Misery escalating.

Clinging,

Squeezing

Life.

the dark torment of

Nothing.

Black hole

never-ending:

Wondering,

Pacing,

Remembering.

Where is Joy?

Sea of Deception.

Trickery.

Laughing

Jokes

Mocking

Words

Hateful

Smile.

The devil wears a blonde wig.

“Mother”

awesome

[Rev.Reverence]

[bean]

awesome

Thank you, both!