city life vs. small town life

[sinnaminn]

I live in this little hick town of Hamburg Mi.For the most part I hate it here.It is beautiful and we live right on the lake but I am a Detroit girl born and raised.

I've been here for seven years and I have missed Detroit every day of it.Vater and I have talked about moving back there but we always seem to agree that it's best for the kids if we stay out here.On one hand I know it is safer here [of course]

and thats a huge concern but then I think our children are missing out on a lot of great things by not being raised in the city.Anyway I am looking for a fresh perspective so if anyone out there has anything to share.Did you grow up in detroit,burbia or in the sticks?

[torn asunder]

doesn't matter where one grows up, one will learn things in one's own time... each unique experience makes one who they are...

[Nienna]

I grew up in Ionia, a little hick town east of Grand Rapids. I hated Ionia, and moved to GR when I could. It was cool to me for awhile, but as I grew as a person it became miserable. Now that I live in Detroit, I'm MUCH happier!

[Vater Araignee]

Vater and I have talked about moving back there but we always seem to agree that it's best for the kids if we stay out here.On one hand I know it is safer here [of course]

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

There is a difference between me agreeing and conceding to logic.

I H8 being trapped in LC.

That is why I went back to Detroit in the first place. Honey if I didn't hate this place more than myself we would have never meet.

[Onyx]

Grew up in the sticks. I lived on a farm so it was fun when I was small, but once I got into my teen years it wasn't that great. (That was Tennessee though, a far cry from any small town here).

I think my kids are missing out on a lot too. (and so am I)!

Circumstances prevent me from moving right now, but if I could, I would move near a city in a heartbeat, to one of the lower-crime areas. Nowhere is safe anymore really, but there are places near the city where I'd be comfortable having my kids live.

Here's a good resource - gives crime rates for a zip code.

http://www.bestplaces.net/nhood/

[Brenda Starrr]

I've always lived in the suburbs. Not always the nicest parts of the suburbs, but still the suburbs. I've never lived in the city. The city is a nice place to visit, but I don't really want to live there.

[JaneDead]

i have only ever lived in the city so i can't compare it to anything else. i think i have been spoiled by the convenience of having everything i need right around me. grocery stores, gas stations, walgreens/cvs/rite aid, tim hortons , the freeway, my son's school, my old job, etc all within walking distance of me basically.

i really hate a lot about living so close to my neighbors though. i wish i had more space/privacy/quiet but on the other hand i would hate to give up what the city has to offer me. and what i have grown up used to.

[Head Wreck]

hello!

Missori... or as an aqaintance calls it (she herself being based there) Missery

i pity your redneck hell. but welcome to your lifeline to sanity

nice bunch here, hope you enjoy.

[Guest MsMaldoror]

"I loovve living in the city!"--FEAR

Does anyone else remeber that band form the 80s? Anyway, my ass is in the suburbs now...

[Fierce Critter]

Hm. Maybe my story can grant you some insight. Forgive the choppy nature of this - I'm gonna try to keep it to the points so I don't go on as long as I tend to.

I grew up in the downriver sububurbs of Detroit. In Lincoln Park through age 8, then in Taylor until my 30's. When my husband and I married, we lived in Wyandotte. In March, 2002, we moved down here to North Carolina, where we live, VERY literally, in cow-country - my backyard is a pasture.

I grew up in the 'burbs, but my father took us up north to places like the Traverse City area, the Upper Peninsula, etc. every summer. ALWAYS camping. Always lakeside. Those 2 weeks of the year were probably some of the best times of my life.

My husband and I are nature-lovers. We love our privacy. We don't like people for the most part. We love nature. We thought we'd love to live in NC - Jon's from Daytona Beach, FL. Somehow, we thought this would be "THE LIFE" for us. We based a lot of that on our shared love for upper Michigan (he and I spent a lot of our first 3 years together getting up north as often as possible, including lots of 2-day weekend trips).

We couldn't have been more wrong. We HATE it here. We've discovered there's a BIG difference between VISITING rural or woodsy areas and LIVING there.

The privacy is nice. The isolation is MIND-NUMBING. Particularly for me - I work from the home and we only have 1 vehicle. So I rarely have actual contact/conversation with anyone besides trips into town for shopping & yard saleing.

We despise it here, and can't wait to get back. We discussed moving to upper Michigan, but besides job unavailability, we agreed we don't want to trade one type of isolation for another.

No, we discovered that as much as we THOUGHT we'd love to have an isolated cabin in the woods somewhere, we couldn't bear the cons that come with it. At least a 12-mile drive to the nearest grocery store. Scary distances from decent hospitals. Lack of contact with humanity (despite being misanthropic, we do need some human interaction), etc.

The only way I can see us living in that cabin is if it's less than 5 miles from some kind of decent urban area.

On the other hand, I can't see living in a big city like Detroit - EVER. I don't like the busyness of it. I don't like the amount of concrete & noise. I can't deal with the increased crime susceptibility. For a period of about 2 years I worked full-time downtown, went to school at Wayne State in the evening, my band practiced in the warehouse district & we played gigs & partied all over the city on the weekends. Nope - wouldn't live there if you paid my rent.

The optimum for us is Wyandotte. If you've never been there, it's like smalltown America without the Peyton Place BS associated with true, rural smalltowns. And the location can't be beat - far enough from Detroit to avoid the negative leakages, but close enough to reap the benefits easily (15-20 minute trip to CC for one ).

No, I think suburban living is great - and I don't see how it's so bad for children. I know things have changed. But my parents, before moving to Taylor, did a lot of research first. They even broke the city down to which areas went to which high-schools to ensure we went to the one with the best reputation. We did fine. Anyone who does the research will, too. The trick is being able to afford to live in areas that might be better for kids - not necessarily ALWAYS the more affluent neighborhoods by any means. But often, yes. (My parents DEFINITELY weren't rich, yet we lived in perhaps the best neighborhood of Taylor. Not comparable with the best neighborhood in, say, Grosse Pointe, but a LOT better than the best neighborhood in Lincoln Park, which we fled.)

There are websites out there, besides the one dealing with crime statistics that Onyx linked to, that break-down the stats of cities by about every statistic you can think of - race mix, school GPA averages, mean income, etc. I think realtor.com has links to one.

All that said, I think it's lovely to live in an area such as yours. I often envy TheDark & his family living in the area they do (near Cadillac). I think it's a wonderful way to raise kids, based on how much I love the outdoors, the woods, etc.

But now that I've done the 'burbs, the sticks & seen the City, I'll take the 'burbs any day.

I'm not looking forward to having neighbors on either side of me on 1/4 acre of land (yikes! the smallest patch of land we've lived on here was 2 acres). But I'm eagerly anticipating everything else.

[lullaby1031]

I mostly grew up in the city till my parents moved to the burbs when I was a pre teen. Then I grew up and decided to travel and I've lived in two small towns (including where I'm at now 20,000 people tops if that) and living anywhere has its advantages and disadvantages. Of course your around everything in the city/burbs, but in a hick town - you pretty much have to occupie yourself and thats when the kids from the hick towns decide its time to make their own fun and games and not in the best of ways either.. I'd rather live in a city, adleast then everyone keeps to their own business and are to busy to care about what someone eles is doing. I've noticed in small towns gossip is on every housewifes mouth (excuse the pun) and thats annoying.

Being that my Hubby moved here when he was 14 from Calgary and thats closer to the size of Detroit.. he hates it here too. He even dropped out of school as soon as he started here, after 1/2 of his first school year was done because he couldn't deal with these small minded people not being able to handle the sight of someone who looks or acts different (teachers included). And the subject matter was so below standards that he was literally bored because he had known all the lessons from years before, its just that they where so behind on updating the teaching standards here. So home schooling was his best option. Heh, now look at him.. I married a brainiac - can't get his face out of a book or away from a comp to save my life.

It's really how you view it, and if you don't think its a good enviorment for you and your kids, then I'd say move. But they can always experience things as they get older if you choose to stay.

[sinnaminn]

Thanks for your input everyone especially fierce critter!I guess I am just feeling the isolation more and more these days and I wish we could be a part of civilization again!One of my biggest issues is the lack of racial diversity.There are three biracial children at my daughters school who are sibblings and thats it really!The only black people here drive here from flint and detroit to work.My daughter told me a few monthes ago she didn't like "brown"people,and I was furious .The first thing I thought was{I knew living out here was a bad idea!I feel like if we lived in a place more culturaly and ethnicly balanced it would help her to understand and respect the differances .I wouldn't be able to live with myself if my children grew up to be racist!

[sinnaminn]

There is a difference between me agreeing and conceding to logic.

I H8 being trapped in LC.

That is why I went back to Detroit in the first place. Honey if I didn't hate this place more than myself we would have never meet.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes dear I know you hate it here!I am just weighing out the pros and cons again and adding myself in as a valid past of the decsion.

[pixiefae]

I grew up out in East China, near Marine City. My parents moved out to the 'burbs when I was 12. I personally attended a school that had NO racial diversity, unless you call city dwellers racially diverse because they have city water and sewers instead of wells and septics. I wouldn't change those years for anything. If your child is having issues with racial differences, there may be a reason behind it. Perhaps the bi-racial children who go to school with her have picked on her. (Kids can be mean.) If you are still concerned, perhaps take more trips to places where she will encounter other nationalities. (My parents took me religiously to the fireworks in Detroit and down to other events in Detroit-Hart Plaza, Cobo Center, etc., so it wasn't odd for me to see black people.) I was in for a shock when we moved...I never saw anyone wear a bindi before, so I asked alot of questions.

On a different note, my hub grew up in Detroit and went to Southwestern High. When we started dating, I took him to this park in Rochester Hills...and he freaked out when he saw a chipmunk. He had never seen one before except in books.

Given a choice between having my son grow up in the city or the country, I would choose the country anyday. (Convincing my hub to move farther north has been an upward battle though, which may never be resolved. Currently trying to convince him we should build on some property I own near Memphis, in St. Clair County.)

[Sybil]

i grew up in the south <alabama>.. no place on earth has more sticks than where i grew up.. :woot:

at 15 i moved to st clair shores, mi.. at 16 i moved to chesterfield twp, mi.. at 19 to new orleans.. then back to chesterfield.. at 20 to hamtramck.. at 22 back to chesterfield.. at 23 to lima, ny.. then to new york city.. at 25 back to chesterfield..

whew.. that is a list.

i love the city. i love the country. each for diff. reasons, obviously..

recently i have begun thinking of moving to kentucky or my new very serious desire is to move to australia. we shall see...

....its hard missing a place, isnt it...? a certain atmosphere and "grind" and culture... i miss places too.. new orleans the most..

[sinnaminn]

Trips to the city will help absolutely.Now if I had the chance to move to New Orleans I would be there no matter what negative influences I had to combat.I have only visited once and fell hopelessly in love!Ahhh now thats a city!

[Homicidalheathen]

I grew up in the country. I always wanted to be in the city. Now that I am in the city I am sick of it and want the country again. The only good thing about living in the city to me is: stuff to do. Which you can drive for on the weekends with kids. Or people to find sex with...not good for kids.......or drugs....also not good for kids. I would rather raise mine in the country but thats me.

[capuchin]

I'm definitely a city person. I grew up in a small town outside of Pittsburgh, have lived in Philly, San Francisco, Flagstaff, Tucson, Austin, Chicago, Milwaukee, Kalamazoo and Detroit. I have to say that I have a preference to major cities. Even Detroit seems like too small of a city for me--but that's probably because Detroit is so spread out that most of the "stuff" isn't in the city proper. If they keep developing it the way they have been, I think it could be a lot of fun in another five years or so. But still, for grad school I'd really like to wind up in Atlanta or Seattle...