Limericks..

[Oh_My_Goth]

Everyone loves Limericks.. Right??

Soooo, post one you created or an existing piece... Or just make one up

Here is one Rev & I did a while back.....

We once had a brother named Schmidt

Whose head got stuck in a slit

We screamed, yes we yelled

But steadfast she held

Till she sucked him in up to his dick

[candyman]

Yeah...all these are about pot...but thats how I like it...

Rape a child, get a slap on the wrist,

Grow some pot and get the judicial fist.

How dare you get high?

Perhaps you should try

pedophilia - it's less of a risk.

Marijuana! The herb is divine,

For it serves far better than wine.

Though I do love a toke

Of a good neighbour's smoke,

I so much prefer when it's mine!

"Dearest Doctor," I said, "What to do?

"Marijuana serves better than you!"

He cried "What did you think?

"I am merely a shrink!

"And your payment is long overdue!"

It seems there's an indica craze

I search for sativa for days

Though I'll smoke what I got

My most favourite pot

Is a long-flowering version of Haze

A secret I'd like to unleash

That goes back to the days of Ganesh

Leaf trimmed from your flowers

Has wonderful powers

If sifted and pressed for hashish

Dwight loves to smoke weed.

Mary Jane makes him feel free.

One day he ate all his joints.

I asked him, "What was the point?"

He said, "Smoking isn't healthy for me."

[Oh_My_Goth]

Nymphomaniac Alice

Used a dynamite stick as a phallis.

They found her vagina

In North Carolina,

And part of her anus in Dallas.

[Oh_My_Goth]

There was a young lady from Kew

Who said, as the bishop withdrew,

"Oh, the Vicar is quicker

And thicker and slicker

And four inches longer than you."

[Oh_My_Goth]

A certain young fellow from Ransome

Had a dame seven times in a hansom.

When she shouted for more,

Said he from the floor,

"The name, miss, is Simpson, not Samson."

[Simon Bar Sinister]

there comes a time in each forum

threads that enthralled now bore 'em

now here in their stead

a limerick thread

waste bytes needed to store 'em

[Oh_My_Goth]

To be real was Pinocchio's desire,

Of this dream he never did tier;

But he knew he was wood,

When he bashed on his pud;

And the poor little bugger caught fire.

[Oh_My_Goth]

There was a young lass from Australia

Who painted her ass like a Dahlia

The shape it was fine

And the color devine

But the aroma--well, that was a faihlia

[Azeuron]

stop me if you've heard this one....

There once was a man from nantuckett....

oh i guess you have lol

[Oh_My_Goth]

There was a young lady from Queens

Who gobbled a plateful of beans

The beans fermented

And she was tormented

By The embarrassing sounds in her jeans!

[torn asunder]

here's on i wrote a while back (and anyone posting their own limericks, please feel free to post them in the creations forum as well!).

a needle can pierce you quite easy

the hooks sometimes make you feel queasy,

the pulley's the thing, when

attached by a string, that

will dangle you high in the breez-ie!

[candyman]

One from a bathroom stall at a bar:

There once was a man named Dave

He lived with a dead whore in a cave

She was missing a tit and smelled like shit

But think of the money he saved!

[Tyger]

In days of old,

And knights where bold,

and toilets were not invented.

People took off there load,

Upon the road,

and walked away contented!

[Msterbeau]

Sixty-nine, sixty-nine, what's mine is yours, and yours is mine.

[Simon Bar Sinister]

Good fucking God in heaven!

too hard to count to seven?

don't hand me that jive -

it's 2 more than 5!!

so just stay off the thread, then!

[torn asunder]

Good fucking God in heaven!

too hard to count to seven?

don't hand me that jive -

it's 2 more than 5!!

so just stay off the thread, then!

i think you're a wee bit mistaken,

for seven won't work if we're makin'

a lim'rick that fits

in the meter, like this,

here's a link from where these quotes were taken:

(linky!)

Amphibrach ( x / x )

Amphibrach comes from the Greek _brach_ (short) and _amphi_ (on both sides). It's the meter of the limerick, that time honored treat from the Emerald Isle. The leap in the center syllable gives the meter the feel of a polka.

Assignment - enter this below the quiz in the Assignment box

Write three limericks. However, unlike the inconstant Edward Lear, write three limericks that stick rigidly to the form - two lines of amphibrachic trimeter, two lines of amphibrachic dimeter, and a final line of amphibrachic trimeter.

so a limerick is:

( ta DA ta )( ta DA ta )( ta DA ta )

( ta DA ta )( ta DA ta )( ta DA ta )

( ta DA ta )( ta DA ta )

( ta DA ta )( ta DA ta )

( ta DA ta )( ta DA ta )( ta DA ta )

Edited April 7, 2010 by torn asunder

[Simon Bar Sinister]

I stand corrected, lol!

Edited April 8, 2010 by SpammerOvTheGods

[taysteewonderbunny]

i think you're a wee bit mistaken,

for seven won't work if we're makin'

a lim'rick that fits

in the meter, like this,

here's a link from where these quotes were taken:

(linky!)

so a limerick is:

( ta DA ta )( ta DA ta )( ta DA ta )

( ta DA ta )( ta DA ta )( ta DA ta )

( ta DA ta )( ta DA ta )

( ta DA ta )( ta DA ta )

( ta DA ta )( ta DA ta )( ta DA ta )

Um, beg to differ, but only minorly. The feet can also, and very often are, anapest (ta-ta-TUM), not just amphibrachic. Lines can be any combination of amphibrachs or anapests, but there must be three feet in lines 1 and 2, two feet in lines 3 and 4, and three feet again in the last line. In your own example, line 3 is composed of an amphibrach followed by an anapest, or else it is short one syllable.

[torn asunder]

Um, beg to differ, but only minorly. The feet can also, and very often are, anapest (ta-ta-TUM), not just amphibrachic. Lines can be any combination of amphibrachs or anapests, but there must be three feet in lines 1 and 2, two feet in lines 3 and 4, and three feet again in the last line. In your own example, line 3 is composed of an amphibrach followed by an anapest, or else it is short one syllable.

cool! wasn't aware of the anapest for limericks, thanks for the clarification! i'm always happy to learn something new in poetry forms/meter!

as for my example, the line that's short one syllable is just a feminine ending. i tend to use them in a lot of my stuff.

[taysteewonderbunny]

cool! wasn't aware of the anapest for limericks, thanks for the clarification! i'm always happy to learn something new in poetry forms/meter!

as for my example, the line that's short one syllable is just a feminine ending. i tend to use them in a lot of my stuff.

Thank you! I, too, am always learning.