3 days

[FarrIL]

And no, I'm not sad that I'm getting older.

Yeah, I was gone for a long time. I finally moved out of the house, with Brian, and we have our own place now. I'm a homeowner before I turned 23.

Admittedly though, I'm sure my birthday will be just fine but I've already warned Brian that if I'm moody or if he sees me cry, he knows why.

Fact is, this will be the first birthday without my mother. I feel bad for punk_princess because I know her pain first hand.

Long story short, my mom passed away the day after Christmas last year, and it happened really sudden for us as we never suspected what it was until it the MRI came back and the doctor saw a "shadow" on mom's brain. The surgery the next morning showed them a tumor on her brain, nearly the size of a racket ball.

Over the next two months (( this all really started years ago, but the entire shock started the Sunday before Thanksgiving )), mom went through two surgeries, a day after each other, a tracheotomy so she could breathe better, through the ventillator, and two strokes. The swelling on her brain was just that bad.

I was in a sour mood, and I mean a really pissed off mood on the 26th, for no reason. It wasnt until nearly the 27th that I got a phone call from my sister saying that mom died.

Sure, it'll be my birthday but everything's so different now. Sure, it's great we have our own place but it came at the cost of losing my mother. I'll be turning 23 knowing that my mom isnt here with me. Mom gave me a wonderful, if not startling, birthday present, a few months in advance, that enabled Brian and I to have our own roof over our heads, she's probably up in Heaven smirking because she got the last laugh, always had to take care of me and my two sisters. Well, she definitely did.

But still. The path taken, I wish it had been different.

[Rayne]

(((((hugs))))))

[TitsMcGee]

[taysteewonderbunny]

I'm very sorry for your loss.

[TomCat]

Hang in there sweety.

[Rev.Reverence]

..I'll just remind you here that some of us never had a worthy parent (I went through 6, mom&step-day, dad&step-mom, aunt&uncle)...horrid streach of luck..I know.My point is that you had a loving relationship..& land (no small thing in this age)....remember the good times..don't dwell on the absence of the now.

I hope you have a spiffy B-day to spite your expectations of misery.

I think your friends will help..& if they don't..they sux..get new ones..

[n0Mad]

You were there for me during some tough times in my life and you know I'm only a phone call away if you ever need someone to listen.

[FarrIL]

Thanks everyone. I know there were amazing times that I need to hold onto, but some still bring me back to the fact that mom's not here to relish in them with me. I sometimes thinks she's sending little messages to me, like I feel something tap me on the head or back when I know I didnt bump into anything to make that happen. Things like that. I know my mom is watching over me, it's just hard trying to deal. I still have a hard time believing she's gone. =/

[Bernadette]

*hugs*

It will get better with time...

[Head Wreck]

*huggs*

[Rev.Reverence]

Thanks everyone. I know there were amazing times that I need to hold onto, but some still bring me back to the fact that mom's not here to relish in them with me. I sometimes thinks she's sending little messages to me, like I feel something tap me on the head or back when I know I didnt bump into anything to make that happen. Things like that. I know my mom is watching over me, it's just hard trying to deal. I still have a hard time believing she's gone. =/

..it would seem that she is not entirely gone...nor will she

[pomba gira]

you are very young to go through the loss of a parent... sounds to me like you're handling it as well as can be expected. Just remember, the grieving process has its own time like everything else, and just has to take its course.

[the eternal]

[TygerLili]

[Oh_My_Goth]

Thanks everyone. I know there were amazing times that I need to hold onto, but some still bring me back to the fact that mom's not here to relish in them with me. I sometimes thinks she's sending little messages to me, like I feel something tap me on the head or back when I know I didnt bump into anything to make that happen. Things like that. I know my mom is watching over me, it's just hard trying to deal. I still have a hard time believing she's gone. =/

I'm sure she is watching over you

I could not even start to comprehend the pain of loosing Me Mom I give Me deepest condolences for your loss..

Have a happy Birthday & A happy productive life in your new home

[Msterbeau]

I imagine it will take some time to heal from the loss. The hurt and the wounds are still fresh. I hope it's not too long before you can think with happiness about the time you did get to spend with her.

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