a "Gothic" poem--sorta

[Guest MsMaldoror]

I wrote it a few years ago, and now I think it's cheesy. But, it's kinda "gothy" nonetheless...

"Strolling With No Shadow"

The night sky is an open eye

Cataracted by the clouds.

A witness to the crime of living.

For a few careless seconds, nothing

Is identifiable by its name,

Only by its intonation. The aging

Window whispers, beckons you

To view the tangles of tales

From a somatized angle.

Where has the life gone?

The human polaroid kept supple

Through barren rituals

And crippled sleep. The mind

Hardens into a pearl of dust.

Inexhaustible shadows slacken

By melding into each other.

Their lesson in fusion rectifies

The lesson of loss. Distillation

Separates unity, the couple,

And leaves behind the residue

Of suggestion and shadow.

[Brenda Starrr]

I love it!

[Black Sunday9]

I think it was probably the best poem I've ever read, but I'm not totally positive since I don't know what half of the words mean.

[Guest MsMaldoror]

That's the best feedback I've ever received on my writing. I'll give you a copy of my book when... Nevermind, you don't like books.

I think it was probably the best poem I've ever read, but I'm not totally positive since I don't know what half of the words mean.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Brenda Starrr]

Maybe he doesn't like books because he doesn't know what the words within mean.

[Black Sunday9]

Maybe he doesn't like books because he doesn't know what the words within mean.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

what do you mean? I was completely cataracted by her offer to read her poems,

from a somatized angle no less.

All jokes aside, I can tell she knows what she is doing when she writes, it's just too intelligent for stupid people like me.

[phee]

Am I a stupid person like you?

[Black Sunday9]

Am I a stupid person like you?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

no you're not like me.

but yes, you are stupid.

[Black Sunday9]

:grin

just joking phee!

[phee]

Joking oh.... I will put away my sleeping pills and razorblades then... cuz your opinion matters THAT MUCH to me BS.

[Black Sunday9]

Joking oh.... I will put away my sleeping pills and razorblades then... cuz your opinion matters THAT MUCH to me BS.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

ok you are smarter than me.

now - let's redirect the attention of this thread back to the outstading poem above.

[paradox]

i dont think its that bad at all. maybe you could finesse it a little bit, but i think it works.

this line...

The human polaroid kept supple

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

...is really cool! :grin

[Guest MsMaldoror]

OK, I'm never putting another poem on DGN again.

[Brenda Starrr]

OK, I'm never putting another poem on DGN again. 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes you will! I liked it. I was able to visualize as I read the words. I like being able to see what is going on as I read.

[Marblez]

I actually liked it very muchly. It is one of those that begs to be read aloud. I wish I had a recorder.