What Are You Thinking?

[TronRP]

Apparently, the English language has changed again, but I'm too long winded to get to the point to understand what it was that was misunderstood in the beginning. And now with all the stress factors around here, something that was told to me a couple of years ago has finally hit home...."No one cares because they don't have time to".

Understood.

[TronRP]

I do not understand why statements like this are continually made for stupid reasons:

"Researchers tested all sorts of surfaces—and the results might actually surprise you."

And where were these surfaces of surprising results...

"A new study aimed to find out what kinds of bacteria and pathogens are lurking in the New York City subway system."

 Like, really...there are germs in places that are touched by millions of people a day...OMG STOP THE PRESSES!!!

 

Yep, taxpayers dollars at work...

 

[TronRP]

If I can get these papers printed properly, there is a good chance I can have them filed with Probate Court this morning. 

[creatureofthenyte]

That was a great nap.

[kat (1)]

He has been taking care of me all week, he says today he knew I was going to have the accident that day and he feels guilty for not stopping me from leaving, he also claims he knows I, prior to the accident was pregnant.. WAS. If he really has the precog thing because he's a Thor descendent (because his mothers last name but so, right? ) but if he knew all this is he caring for me out of guilt? He said no, he says love.. I'm not sure though, he would not have fought for me, he was trying to find someone else three days later... And that is love? Well what the bleep is hate, than?

[TronRP]

He has been taking care of me all week, he says today he knew I was going to have the accident that day and he feels guilty for not stopping me from leaving, he also claims he knows I, prior to the accident was pregnant.. WAS. If he really has the precog thing because he's a Thor descendent (because his mothers last name but so, right? ) but if he knew all this is he caring for me out of guilt? He said no, he says love.. I'm not sure though, he would not have fought for me, he was trying to find someone else three days later... And that is love? Well what the bleep is hate, than?

In my opinion, it seems like he's hanging around just in case some booty call action might make itself present...I'm just sayin'...

[torn asunder]

In my opinion, it seems like he's hanging around just in case some booty call action might make itself present...I'm just sayin'...

agreed. if not that, still seems like ulterior motives might be there...

[kat (1)]

agreed. if not that, still seems like ulterior motives might be there...

In my opinion, it seems like he's hanging around just in case some booty call action might make itself present...I'm just sayin'...

yea I thought he'd let me get overover my

head injury first, my mother thinks he's great I mean who would taken care of me. He had to watch me bathe, help me in and out the tub, get clothes on me a couple times, get my meds, sit by my side at the ER, maybe he does and this was his oppurtunity to be show he was ytrying trying to make a relationship last..he admitted to never being with a WOMANLY woman...(his words)

[Trene4000]

 

yea I thought he'd let me get overover my

head injury first, my mother thinks he's great I mean who would taken care of me. He had to watch me bathe, help me in and out the tub, get clothes on me a couple times, get my meds, sit by my side at the ER, maybe he does and this was his oppurtunity to be show he was ytrying trying to make a relationship last..he admitted to never being with a WOMANLY woman...(his words)

He's full of .

[Trene4000]

I've been so disturbed lately dealing with my mother. I hate having to take care of her hygiene and feel trapped when its my turn to babysit her. I suddenly realized we're doing a death watch! As much as I would love for her to get better and go back to being herself, I have to face the fact that she may actually not recover. The very thought makes me sick inside. I feel like I am being forced to watch her die. This is not fair to us or the grandkids who are there every single day. The eldest one keeps spiraling into bouts of depression, curling up next to the fridge or losing her appetite. The younger one isn't quite sure what exactly is going on. He's never suffered the loss of a loved one before. The older one has but not on this level. 

I don't mind talking to Ma or hanging out with her but the other stuff...

I don't know how to handle this. The emptying of her bowels. The talking about stuff she's doing, like holding a council meeting, that she really isn't. Thinking she's talking to somebody that isn't even in the State. Trying to help her get comfortable. Deciphering half of what she's saying when she's talking half sleep. It is draining and exhausting. I have trouble falling asleep with my head full of everything that happened during my shift. We're not trained for this! How are we supposed to do all this without losing our minds KNOWING she might shutdown any second?! 

 

 

I need a nap. 

[TronRP]

I've been so disturbed lately dealing with my mother. I hate having to take care of her hygiene and feel trapped when its my turn to babysit her. I suddenly realized we're doing a death watch! As much as I would love for her to get better and go back to being herself, I have to face the fact that she may actually not recover. The very thought makes me sick inside. I feel like I am being forced to watch her die. This is not fair to us or the grandkids who are there every single day. The eldest one keeps spiraling into bouts of depression, curling up next to the fridge or losing her appetite. The younger one isn't quite sure what exactly is going on. He's never suffered the loss of a loved one before. The older one has but not on this level. 

I don't mind talking to Ma or hanging out with her but the other stuff...

I don't know how to handle this. The emptying of her bowels. The talking about stuff she's doing, like holding a council meeting, that she really isn't. Thinking she's talking to somebody that isn't even in the State. Trying to help her get comfortable. Deciphering half of what she's saying when she's talking half sleep. It is draining and exhausting. I have trouble falling asleep with my head full of everything that happened during my shift. We're not trained for this! How are we supposed to do all this without losing our minds KNOWING she might shutdown any second?! 

 

 

I need a nap. 

I've been feeling the same way.  It's almost like playing Watcher Roulette.  It's like the professionals believe we should automatically know how to deal with it because we are adults.  Adults with no experience in the matter, but still adults nonetheless.  Just not fair.

[Trene4000]

Nature does not like me right now. 

[kat (1)]

Thinking about the events last Friday, how it all went down. Bits and pieces keep coming back to me at random. I just want to move forward and get over it.

[kat (1)]

Grrrrrhist!! It's a flipping game!

Stop tripping, maaaayyn!

Where is Calgon?

I need to be taken away!!!

 

Edited July 21, 2015 by kat

[kat (1)]

Why am I fucking crying?

Maybe it's because I went to see the accident site today, it was on top gas lines nearly.. I swear I don't know why I didn't die, you don't pass out at the wheel on the only main highway in town on a busy morning, crash in a area where there are gaslines and walk away with a couple scars and bruising? Why did I go there, I should have drove passed..how can the doctor get away with this and don't pharmacists run checks?

Edited July 23, 2015 by kat

[kat (1)]

Life, part 2.

I have control over what happens unless I pass out at the wheel again, wake up, hit a patch of gravel, try to regain control but the "wheel" is already going all over the place

Literally and metaphorically.  How can a doctor.. Nope, I will not complain

 I can't do anything with that.

 

[kat (1)]

Ahhhhaaahahahayeahh, love is like wakie up next to someone farting, whispering Beavis and Butthead impersonations in your ear!/

[TronRP]

I think my limit has been reached and thoroughly tested.

[kat (1)]

I think ink pen is two words. 

Also, I'm playing a game with you guys

I know I ain't shit, however, I am going to give a like everyday on here to whoever has the best post! GO! Entertain thee.

[kat (1)]

I think visiting my dad's grave was a good idea at this time. 

I am really scared that I may have long term effects from this, my eyes are not quite right, my whole head, the frontal lobe area where so much can go arye. I am dealing almost too good at work, I think I am obsessed with this.. 

Do you ever wonder if a person, say one with dementia, for example, do you ever wonder what they must feel? I have heard client x, for example, burst into tears of rage, when an episode hits, and they do, all too often. I have heard him say, " I'm not right, this isn't my mind, I'm so confused, I am scared! " how often do we hear a person breaking from reality, consciousness, admit that they are aware  they are...to hear that person broke my heart

Describing his terror while being attacked? Who does that?

[kat (1)]

I do appreciate your help cooking and doing dishes but fuck that shit, you gotta go Monday AM and find a damn job! Fuck the dishes!

[kat (1)]

Um how can you want to go walk around the zoo today especially if you were so sick yesterday? And, excuse me I do like animals and all but my brain still hurtshurts, and I am not saying you have any part in it at all, not that I was awake because I had you at my house due to recently discovering life altering news that would bond me and a person forever who barely even could tolerate me, anyone, as I did crash my car and put my head through something, yet still went back to work in just over a week I do however still need some down time. May I chill please? That'd be great.

[kat (1)]

America, The Reality Show.

[TronRP]

After all these years, I am finally, truly understanding the life lessons from the movie Labyrinth (1986). Growing up, I used to watch it for fun and fantasy escapism, but now, it has become reality...

Life is short. Learn from your mistakes, but don't harp on them. We all carry baggage around with us, but don't let it be your prison - mentally and/or physically. Daily life is ever changing, stressful and feels unfair at times, but that should not stop you from living. Find that little thing that gives you peace of mind and the strength to carry on...and should you need it...use it. That is your power.

 

[kat (1)]

I can't get ahead? What's the point? I should go to Texas with my friend April and just say to hell with it.