What Are You Thinking?

[kat (1)]

Again, why I hate Facebook, I post about a societal issue that is a problem for real on a macro level,  and rather than people having anything logical to say, they call themselves "debating" but use no logic. You cannot debate with your emotions. That is when it becomes an argument. I see things on fb all the time that, emotionally I want to say something but I would much rather have a good, strong, objective point, but you can't do that on there, people are all about me, me, me and don't even try to think about pro and con. I don't argue and that's all most of them wanna do. If you don't like what I have to say, yet have nothing but emotional bs to throw back than just go. I'm tired of the fear people have to go against popular opinion. I don't care, they can all delete me. No fucks given if it's like that. 

[Michael8402]

I need to do something.

I had the entire day off.  You could have gotten ahold of me earlier and we could have hung out.

[kat (1)]

I had the entire day off.  You could have gotten ahold of me earlier and we could have hung out.

Hell, I thought you would be tired.

[Corvus]

This is going to sound strange.. Wait..everything I say is strange, anyhow..

I started losing myself while I was married, I was fairly young and hell did I ever know me? I joined DGN and met people and, while going through the divorce and all I feel like I got swept up and deeper into the oblivion I fell. What I thought were supportive friends mostly now feel like hecklers and spectators watching me fall and loving it, misery loves company, right. This is not about anyone that currently posts either, you guys weren't apart of the circle I am speaking of. Too many people were allowed in and only knew me at that period of time, and therefore could only perceive based on that. 

Now, idk perhaps knocking the shit out of myself brought me back to reality but here I am. I see things clearly now. I remember that girl I was before all this. I missed her. I like the person I am now. I am not relevant to most of the circle and that is a good thing because, well I am not in that dark place anymore even though I am going through life and the unknown I have no fear, no more crying, I'm going to get through this and excel. Pity party over.

atta girl. What an inspiration

[kat (1)]

atta girl. What an inspiration

thanks! I actually hope you do mean that because, the things I post, yes I am extremely open but that is because I feel if I talk about something, its not to be a narcissist or selfish. It's not about me, me, me. I love to make other people feel better, whatever it is, if I can make someone laugh, if someone needs to cry, anything I can do to help another with themselves emotionally I will, no problem. I became a social worker because I wanted to help but now I realize that I don't want to get paid for that, I don't want to make it a profession.. That will drain an empath quickly. Too much regulation, too much red tape. I can't let a career kill my spirit, so yea, I'm totally going to do something else most likely. I been researching other career paths, less draining like.. Um, ANYTHING else;) 

 

Edited September 15, 2015 by kat

[kat (1)]

Lol, hell with all the free time I will have I may start writing.

[kat (1)]

Thinking about fixing the bed frame if possible, hmm maybe you'd think a certain person who sat here on his azz would have done it since he helped break shit, nope

Edited..

I said I'd behave, so never mind.

Edited September 15, 2015 by kat

[kat (1)]

I'm lmfao. I found the birthday card he gave me while rearranging the living room furniture:

His little note, "you complete me, blah, blah, blah..I wonder how many other women is completing his ass? The card has a kitty on the front so it's cute and all but like he was writing this a week after we start going out: 

 

He was still wrapped up on his ex, he was transferring onto me, EVERYTHING, his frustration about her, his still held love, he was not done grieving that relationship, IMO. I take responsibility because I knew, deep down inside I just was tired of being single, I don't like going on random dates trying to meet someone..I wanted one person and just, I was stupid. I'm glad it's over.

 

Edited September 15, 2015 by kat

[Michael8402]

Thinking about fixing the bed frame if possible, hmm maybe you'd think a certain person who sat here on his azz would have done it since he helped break shit, nope

Edited..

I said I'd behave, so never mind.

If you need help fixing stuff, let me know.  I might be able to fix it.  My stepfather does a lot of woodwork and I have learned a few tricks.

[kat (1)]

If you need help fixing stuff, let me know.  I might be able to fix it.  My stepfather does a lot of woodwork and I have learned a few tricks.

Thanks, I actually put the frame back together it was quick, I thought it was done for. Lol

[TronRP]

I think my body hates me right now...such pain and still moving.

[kat (1)]

I think I finally am getting my room back in order, I may even sleep in here tonight.

[Michael8402]

I have finally decided on the dimensions for my turtle tank coffee table build.  I know have to draw up a few diagrams to refine it a bit.  Then I need to get a welder and construct the frame.  This will be one of the first pieces to show what I can do to help start my business for tank building.  I think I have a while before I can actually get it all complete because I don't have the funds to do it at the moment.  At least I am trying to get it started though.

[kat (1)]

This is exciting. Nice to see Trump has a chill side, even a sense of humor.

[kat (1)]

Oh yea Carson yes! Love his answer, he thinks the same way I do about social programs. YES! This is what we need. 

[kat (1)]

Christy just impressed me too. Hmm, I would love to see Carson and Fiorina together, they'd make a good team. Damn, this is the most excitement I've had all month.

[TronRP]

I really wish they had explained this to us from the very beginning. Now I think I understand why the first hospice care case nurse seemed to have such a problem with us. No we didn't know Hospice Care is non-profit. No we didn't know that most of the supplies they use are donations. No we didn't know that the nurses hours get cut the longer the patient stays alive. No we didn't know you were not to feed the patient unless they asked for food. No we didn't know that to "Die with dignity" meant to waste away in a medicated stupor. 

Now I'm afraid of the thought of her going into respite again because at this point she can't speak anymore and I fear they won't do anything for her unless she ask them to. I fear that she won't survive 5 days in respite because they want her to waste away.

Hospice is treating her like she is a drain on their resources. I wish I had known that because I would have just purchased all the supplies myself. The only thing we would then need them for would be the pain meds they have her on now. They just reopened her shoulder port and increased the amount of drug intake she is receiving to keep her comfortable and nothing else.

I was going to use the time with her in respite to do another marathon build on the house to get it winterized for the season. I think I will just block her off from all the dust and particles that may spread while I work that way she can stay in her home where we can keep an eye on her.

[Trene4000]

Hospice care is such a misnomer. They stick you in a room. Give you lots of pain medication (their idea of keeping you comfortable), withhold food and water until you die. What the hell kind of supportive care is THAT!? 

The definition of hospice care: "Care designed to give supportive care to people in the final phase of a terminal illness and focus on comfort and quality of life, rather than cure.  The goal is to enable patients to be comfortable and free of pain, so that they live each day as fully as possible. "

Yeah, while you starve to death. I guess they figure if you're stoned out of your gourd you won't notice. Besides, you're dying anyway. Is that how they justify murder? If she wasn't in hospice care and this was done to her, people would be brought up on charges of manslaughter. How sick are you to do this to someone just because they can't ask for food? Oh yeah, a hospice worker can't feed a person unless they ask for food, regardless of how loud their stomach grumbles. They can actually lose their license. Who created this warped, twisted system?! I can't torture my mother like that. The book says the person will refuse food and drink themselves. Until that happens, she can have all the oatmeal, sausage, cinamon-sugar apples, and scrambled eggs she wants.

[kat (1)]

Idk. My little angel on my shoulder is saying one thing, be good, but the little evil jeezabel is just go, do it! Damn I am like whatever, I don't care that much.

Edited September 17, 2015 by kat

[kat (1)]

I mean I don't even know what to wear, I don't even think it's worth the gas money to go meet someone like I am so comfortable here on my couch, air blasting, TV, what else is there..

I'm just going to be disappointed.

Edited September 17, 2015 by kat

[kat (1)]

I'm not going, forget it.

[kat (1)]

Dafuq? Did I just see the board have something open, like possibly for mods..like only when I was not logged in.. Um, Torn, Troy? Anyone else see that?

[kat (1)]

Like a porgatory section and Sr. Staff section, etc.. I think DGN has been hacked.

[kat (1)]

Yet, I am drama. OK. 

Wrong. I have life drama I don't start trouble. I'm a fixer. People really made snap calls based on a small portion of my life, the worst few years I have experienced and that is all I am, no matter what good I am, what good I have and will do, one terrible time in my life that people who didn't truly know anything else about me just gave me a reputation, an image that will always be what I am viewed as. I know otherwise, I'll be a drama queen if that is what I have to be llabeled but I will never be fake and what I say is true. I learned so much about people as a result, I thought we made our own decisions but apparently, everyone likes to play follow the leader. That theory was proved last year when that little ordeal here went down.. I thought self proclaimed "goths" were not sheep, based on what I have seen, it's an absolute fallacy. 

[kat (1)]

My ST Disability Claim is messed up cause HR made a mistake. Maybe I can donate plasma but I'm not sure if they'll let me if I'm truthful about the accident due to the amount of blood loss, my neighbor said that may be an issue. Fuck it, I'm an idiot I am so stupid.  Everything is my fault, everything.

Edited because the point of the post wasn't about a party necessarily, it was about my priorities right now.

Edited September 18, 2015 by kat