What should I do? (Home related)

[Morbid Side]

I'm 21 years old and live at home with my mother and step dad. When I was 3 years old my mum kidnapped me and took me away from my biological father and grand parents leaving without a trace.

I grew up without even knowing my real father or keeping in any kind of contact with him. I was fed so many lies to over the years from my mom and step-dad that I was completely brainwashed and was programmed like a machine to hate my real dad. Truth is finally few years back my mother came to her sense. She broke the news to me that the man who I considered to be my dad was not my father and my father did not even want me, which proved to be totally false, and her words were "that he was only a sperm donor."

I'm not one to put my burdens anyone else and always tried to keep everything bottled up inside, tried therapy numerous of times, went the suicide route but that has not done squat. Finally after reuniting with my father and having a realationship again. I've cherised every moment. Now the only problem is since my step father hates my dad so much that he has threatned to kill him not to mention destroy his music career, it had put me monkey in the middle and now he down right treats me bad, insults me, verbally and pshycially has abused me but now knows I since I'm an adult I can defend myself and will take out a 67 yr old man at the drop of a time.

Next thing is I've been very close with my dads family and my step dad has no idea, that I'm even talking to any of them. I hate lieing but right now I'm walking on egg shells, and this is a very serious detrimental problem I'm delaing with.

My step dad is not any guy don't be fooled by his age he is a monster and can be as vicious, cold hearted, and ruthless as possible. I hate lieing, but its the only route I can go right now. I can't take it anymore I really want out and know I can make my own decision, do have options, but I don't wanna hurt my mum either...

Call me sensitive or whatever but I do love my mum, I just wish that I didn't have to go behind my step dads back to call my dad, grand parents, or aunt and uncle. This game has to stop and I truly believe that everything must come out in the open before one of us gets hurt.

[Brenda Starrr]

Wow, hon....

I know that you don't want to hurt your mum, but you cannot be denied a personal relationship with your dad, either! Frankly, I would probably loathe and despise my mom if she had ever pulled any of that shit with me. Who the Hell made your stepdad God? What right does he have to tell you that you can't have a relationship with your dad? You're 21 years old. Have you and your dad considered the possibility of a restraining order? Anything that could keep him away from you? I don't know what to say. I'm just glad that you got your dad and his family back. Maybe meet with a pro-bono attorney (most court systems offer this service) to see what can be done from a legal standpoint. I hope you can work it out......

*hugs*

[bean]

That’s a tough situation and I’m sorry that you have had to go through so much. Fist off I would tell you to move out if you can, because the situation with your stepfather could turn much worse, I’m afraid. Have you talked to your biological father and his family about your stepfather’s behavior? Maybe one of them would let you live with them if you cannot afford to move out on your own. You say you don’t want to hurt your mom, but hasn’t she hurt you an awful lot? It sounds like where you are living now is very harmful to your well being and that having your biological father in your life has been the light at the end of the scum covered tunnel. I understand that you love your mother, even if she has done horrible things to you. The best thing to do would be to move out, and keep in touch with your mom, but possibly sever ties with your stepfather (if this is what you want). I only say this because your stepfather has been abusive with you, and I wonder if you telling him that you keep in contact with your dad and his family will only escalate things to a dangerous level. If I have misinterpreted something you wrote incorrectly, or am not making sense, please correct me or ask me to clarify.

[Morbid Side]

Thanks guys and to Brenda -hugs back- I just cannot deal with being ganged up on a daily basis its bad enough as it is I had to deal with that shit in school..now at home should be more mellow the only thing I can think of doing is removing myself from the bad situation is the first thing I should do. Worry about everyone else second. I am first.

[Brenda Starrr]

Smart move. Get out while you still can.

[Nerdcore]

*hugs*

hun It is hard. But follow your heart. Do u want to at least meet him. If you have already been talking to your step dads family while he doesnt know mabey u can pull off meeting up with him.

It is hard and shit at home is tough ( I have been through it, not like this but other stuff) do you have a close relatie who you can talk to ? you are a sweet guy ! dont feel like shit ever! U are worth somthing , like everyone else and you deserve to know who ur dad is.

stupid question do u see a therapist or no .. mabey talk them about seeting up a meet.. and you are 21 so if you step dad does go through and try to beat up your dad and all you can report him. ther eis hekp out there always. one more thing you can go to a adoptive child agencey , they can help you out and all about meeting up with your father

good luck !

if you need to talk or anything pm me

:clover

[Dollardave]

I feel bad for ya bro thats a rough situation being lied to your whole life hope u can recover from any impacts

I'm 21 years old and live at home with my mother and step dad. When I was 3 years old my mum kidnapped me and took me away from my biological father and grand parents leaving without a trace.

I grew up without even knowing my real father or keeping in any kind of contact with him. I was fed so many lies to over the years from my mom and step-dad that I was completely brainwashed and was programmed like a machine to hate my real dad. Truth is finally few years back my mother came to her sense. She broke the news to me that the man who I considered to be my dad was not my father and my father did not even want me, which proved to be totally false, and her words were "that he was only a sperm donor."

I'm not one to put my burdens anyone else and always tried to keep everything bottled up inside, tried therapy numerous of times, went the suicide route but that has not done squat. Finally after reuniting with my father and having a realationship again. I've cherised every moment. Now the only problem is since my step father hates my dad so much that he has threatned to kill him not to mention destroy his music career, it had put me monkey in the middle and now he down right treats me bad, insults me, verbally and pshycially has abused me but now knows I since I'm an adult I can defend myself and will take out a 67 yr old man at the drop of a time.

Next thing is I've been very close with my dads family and my step dad has no idea, that I'm even talking to any of them. I hate lieing but right now I'm walking on egg shells, and this is a very serious detrimental problem I'm delaing with.

My step dad is not any guy don't be fooled by his age he is a monster and can be as vicious, cold hearted, and ruthless as possible. I hate lieing, but its the only route I can go right now. I can't take it anymore I really want out and know I can make my own decision, do have options, but I don't wanna hurt my mum either...

Call me sensitive or whatever but I do love my mum, I just wish that I didn't have to go behind my step dads back to call my dad, grand parents, or aunt and uncle. This game has to stop and I truly believe that everything must come out in the open before one of us gets hurt.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Morbid Side]

I can tell you for the most part I will NEVER look at my mum the same way again..and there will always be bad blood brewing..

[Brenda Starrr]

Where does your dad and his family live?

[LadyWindstone]

So far everything has been said that needed to be said. All I can say is my thoughts are with you. If you need to talk don't hesitate to PM me. My yahoo is also listed in my profile if you want to go that route. I'm sending good vibes and hugs all around.

[Steven]

Best West - your in a real tough situation that is very difficult to process perfectly, in fact its impossible. The same thing happend to me but in reverse - it was my Mom (the family whore, witch, etc.....

didint see her my entire growing up)

But you have to set healthy limits on relationships.

Regardless of who - or what the circumstances are - people can only do to us what we allow and if you allow the abuse to continue, even from those you love, you only create future issues.

To this day I am in an awkward position with my Father. Because he chooses to justify his past actions - he does not own his sins. But I cant have a shallow pretend relationship with him while repressing resentment and hurt. He knows EXACTLY how I feel, and unfortunately - we dont have much to work with, but that is his choice, not mine.

I know it's easy for me to say - but dont sneak around to do anything.

Do what you beleive is right -in the open - do not assume a corruoptable position when you are not corruptable. . And do not allow anyone hurtful into your inner circle, mind your gates, which can often mean severing bunhealthy relationships. Your father likewise - is responsible to protect himself from your Step-Dad....that's not your job.

Be good to yourself.

Steven

[Morbid Side]

Thank you everyone for your helpful insight on this problem. It's nice to know people can relate to what I'm going through. I'm weighting the negatives and positives, and turning the negatives into positives ans so forth. But, I feel the only thing for me left to do is get out while I can before I get worse..This has certainly turned my world upside down..and the scars are deep and will never dissapear, so it would be best if I can write off my mum and step-dad all together and just move on with my life...

Which brings me to my question..I can't deal with the pressure of searching high and low to move in with somebody, and I would feel more safe living with a fellow DGNer as opposed to somebody on the street..if anybody is looking for a roomate, you can be male or female..or transvestite J/K..feel free to PM me and let me know..I can cook, clean, work a steady job, and still go to City Club..so if you think we can be compatible together and live under the same roof..then don't hesistate to let me know...

[Brenda Starrr]

I know that you will do what is right for you. Just please be very careful. I hope that someone will consider taking you in. If Wayne and I lived in Detroit, I'd talk him into it. I hate seeing people suffer.

*more hugs*

[Morbid Side]

-hugs- I have tried time and time again to take the good with the bad, and make best with what I have now, but there comes a point in every mans life where he has to make a choice. Sometimes it can turn into a consequence, for me I see it more as an escape to get away from the negativity which hovers over my house like a grey cloud..Not only has my mother basically destroyed any kind of hapiness I've ever had..she has used me as a crutch..and a few friends know about this already as to how she acts. I want some form of peace and solace and I just want to be myself. I have to bite my tounge the entire time. There is only one entity I bow down to and thats me. It doesn't help the matters when she doesn't understand my beliefs..They are always on my case about the littlest bullshit and causes me alot of anxiety and I can't go about my day without me having to do something for her but in return..get yelled at some more I'm full of despair and anger most the time and when I'm out of the house I'm usually faking any sort of happiness I may portray...

[DarkChylde]

Just know that im always there for ya man, whenever ya feel you need to get away just give me a call. But yeah I remember you telling me the whole story this past weekend. Your a good guy and you desserve better.

[Steven]

West - this is also important - your youth is a gift - don't give it away. By forging your own quality of life at this stage you will only become a much more valuable person, and wiser, and more compassionate.

Try to be aware of one thing during difficult times if you can: that we "bow".... to whatever controls us, that's a hard truth. But when you look at it for what it it - it can often push you past your fear barriers for want of something more, something better. When I was in my 20's I wish that somebody would have explained to me that I was creating my own legacy every day - by what I did, spoke, or did not speak and do. That Legacy is your mark on this world.....own it...focus it....create goodness. Your scars may one day heal after all Bro.

Steven

[Homicidalheathen]

Eh, don't worry so much. Your 21? Move out. Don't answer to anyone. Or keep quiet and just do what you gotta do for yourself. The world isn't always perfect. My parents know very little about what I am up to in any aspect of my life. Let them think what they want.

I'm 21 years old and live at home with my mother and step dad. When I was 3 years old my mum kidnapped me and took me away from my biological father and grand parents leaving without a trace.

I grew up without even knowing my real father or keeping in any kind of contact with him. I was fed so many lies to over the years from my mom and step-dad that I was completely brainwashed and was programmed like a machine to hate my real dad. Truth is finally few years back my mother came to her sense. She broke the news to me that the man who I considered to be my dad was not my father and my father did not even want me, which proved to be totally false, and her words were "that he was only a sperm donor."

I'm not one to put my burdens anyone else and always tried to keep everything bottled up inside, tried therapy numerous of times, went the suicide route but that has not done squat. Finally after reuniting with my father and having a realationship again. I've cherised every moment. Now the only problem is since my step father hates my dad so much that he has threatned to kill him not to mention destroy his music career, it had put me monkey in the middle and now he down right treats me bad, insults me, verbally and pshycially has abused me but now knows I since I'm an adult I can defend myself and will take out a 67 yr old man at the drop of a time.

Next thing is I've been very close with my dads family and my step dad has no idea, that I'm even talking to any of them. I hate lieing but right now I'm walking on egg shells, and this is a very serious detrimental problem I'm delaing with.

My step dad is not any guy don't be fooled by his age he is a monster and can be as vicious, cold hearted, and ruthless as possible. I hate lieing, but its the only route I can go right now. I can't take it anymore I really want out and know I can make my own decision, do have options, but I don't wanna hurt my mum either...

Call me sensitive or whatever but I do love my mum, I just wish that I didn't have to go behind my step dads back to call my dad, grand parents, or aunt and uncle. This game has to stop and I truly believe that everything must come out in the open before one of us gets hurt.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Morbid Side]

To update on my status: I'm already trying to make a few arrangements. the shit hit the fan last night and I haven't been so upset for as long as I can remember..Won't get into details..but I'm waiting on a call back..hopefully I won't be leaving out of state and will be able to stick around with a friends until I can afford my own place which will be a long ways away..

[Brenda Starrr]

=(

Sorry it's not a real one, but...

*hugs*

[Morbid Side]

-Hugs Brenda back- You have been alot of help to me..and I appreciate it..I should be alright :confused

[Brenda Starrr]

If you would be willing, please keep us posted. We just want you to be safe.

[Homicidalheathen]

Well good luck in your travels and journeys. I moved out when I was 15 and out of state at 17. If that had not happened I would not have met my guru who taught me many amazing things...you never know why these things happen. There is a plan for you...go with the flow.

To update on my status: I'm already trying to make a few arrangements. the shit hit the fan last night and I haven't been so upset for as long as I can remember..Won't get into details..but I'm waiting on a call back..hopefully I won't be leaving out of state and will be able to stick around with a friends until I can afford my own place which will be a long ways away..

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Morbid Side]

Like I said before I should be alright. I'm amazed at how much feedback I got considering this is more then just a community, you guys are TRUE friends even if we know each other soley behind a computer screen..U've all made feel a sense of relief and I can't stress how much I thank you for this..

-Hugs to everyone-

I wish I could buy u all a round of shots on the house!

[Brenda Starrr]

Maybe I'll buy you a shot when I come to Detroit!

[LadyWindstone]

we shall celebrate your new peaceful life.