Words of wisdom from Dad... NSFW

[Guest Megalicious]

Random, hilarious quotes from this guys dad. A couple of them had me laughing so hard - and I need the laugh today!!

HHHAAHHAHAH!!!

Edited March 18, 2010 by Megalicious

[bean]

You made my day, Meg. Thank you.

One of my favorites:

"Does anyone your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking."

[Guest Megalicious]

"The worst thing you can be is a liar....Okay fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2"...

[Guest Megalicious]

"Love this Mrs. Dash. The bitch can make spices... Jesus, Joni (my mom) it's a joke. I was making a joke! Mrs. Dash isn't even real dammit!"

I laughed so hard at this one I cried....

[Darkmatter]

“Calm down. You don’t just grab a ruler and tell everyone to whip their dicks out. You stuff your crotch and keep your pants on.”

ROFL epic

[Onyx]

hah! I love this guy.

"No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain't shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist."

[the eternal]

hah! I love this guy.

"No, I'm not a pessimist. At some point the world shits on everybody. Pretending it ain't shit makes you an idiot, not an optimist."

That one's my favorite too.

This guy's hilarious

[StormKnight (1)]

"Science and Mother Nature are in a marriage where Science is always surprised to come home and find Mother Nature blowing the neighbor."

"Sprain, huh? Did you go to medical school?... Well I did, so spare me your dog-shit diagnosis and lemme look at your ankle."

"War hero? No. I was a doc in Vietnam. My job was to say "This is what happens when you screw a hooker, kid. Put this cream on your pecker."

"I'm having a Makers Mark, you want one? What? 7up? I ain't mixing fucking makers with 7up. Might as well put a lil' fucking umbrella in it"

Can I be that cynical when I'm old...? wait. Never mind.

I want to meet this guy..lol

[TitsMcGee]

"A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed."

From the little bit of the ones I read this is my favorite..

[taysteewonderbunny]

Aw. He likes us!

"I wanted to see Detroit win. I've been there. It's like God took a shit on a parking lot. They deserve some good news." 9:13 AM Oct 8th, 2009 via web

I don't know why that "1" is there. It popped up and I can't get rid of it.

Edited March 19, 2010 by taysteewonderbunny

[Guest Megalicious]

"Don't ask for my opinion then. I said congrats on the car, just saying nobody's panties are getting wet from a fucking Honda Accord."

[StormKnight (1)]

OMG... The guy's kid is putting out a book of his quotes: Amazon link here.

[TheOsakaKoneko]

That's incredible. I was sad when I finished reading them all.

[Onyx]

I'm gonna have to buy that book!

[Epic_Fail_Guy]

haha my favorite.. wich really made my girl shut up about the having kids issue..

"It's never the right time to have kids, but it's always the right time for screwing. God's not a dumbshit. He knows how it works."