breaking up

[saechalyn]

I have several friendships that are dying slowly and painfully. I wish I could just "break up" with them formally the way boy/girlfriends do, and then it could just be over. Lack of closure sucks.

[Brenda Starrr]

Just do it. I've had to do it to a few people, and my so-called "friend" Ron is next on my list. Here's what I'm going to say:

Ron, you and I have never had a single roller coaster ride in our friendship. That being said, I have a hard time understanding why my "best friend" would stop calling after my husband was nice enough to loan you $200.00 back in January. You told him that we would see it in 2 weeks, then you just plain stopped calling us, despite the fact that we kept calling you to hang out. When we owed you money, we were always calling or hanging out at your house. We never once blew you off as you are and have been doing to us. I'm done being hurt over it. Just please give us our $200.00 back and we'll put an end to this so-called friendship. I'm through. Now go buy your coke with your own fucking money.

See how simple that is? Just lay it down and let them go.

[Lilith]

I have severed ties with friends who have done terriable things to me/my family much in the same way you wold with a B/G-friend. I just sat down with them after i carfully thought about why i wanted the realtionshp to end and had a talk. If the person on the other end really wants to be your friend then things will happen to show they do and if they dont and they are no longer in your life, you can accept you did everything possaible to make amends and know you are better off with out them, thus getting the closure you need.

Just what i have doen that worked for me.

lilith

[Saephyr]

:doh :confused :devil Well don't I feel comfy...I got screwed over by a pal i had for 18 years of my life and I never got to have closure why....because she waited until i was being hospitalized and my father had a stroke to grab the moving van and :fear blast off. I have written it off to having bad taste but the real reasons escape me..Was it because I'm a gimp and always ill? All I know is that I'm freakin bitter and will be until I'm not anymore and that's it.

[Vivian]

so, just out of curiosity, what happens when you need the closure, and that person is no where to be found? You cant say what you want to say in an email, because you want feed back. But you cant even find this person... *ugh*

[Medea]

so, just out of curiosity, what happens when you need the closure, and that person is no where to be found? You cant say what you want to say in an email, because you want feed back. But you cant even find this person... *ugh*

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh gods! I'm going through this same thing. Someone I considered a friend just stops talking to me out of nowhere. No email, doesn't pick up his phone, and he's stopped coming to CC. Thing is, I think that HE thinks there'd be some big blow-up. But I'm not all high-school and juvenile like the rest of his friends.

It's tough, because you don't want the friendship to end on their terms. You want to be able to say what you have to say, and gauge their reaction. Instead, they just ignore you, and you can't MAKE them listen. Unfortunately, there's really not much you can do. I like to write letters and drop them off, but that's so that I at least feel that I said my piece. You never really learn how about the reception of that letter. *shrug*

Then there are the friends that send mean text messages to that person when you leave your phone lying around, but you don't bother trying to change anything, cuz that's how you felt anyway.

[Guest MsMaldoror]

This is always tough, esp. after you've known someone for years. One of my closest friends in the world dumped me a few years ago after her mother died and she decided to become a born again Christian. She wanted to erase everyone who she considered to be a "bad influence" in her life. Anyway, she abruptly cut contact with me and wouldn't even tell me why she was upset. I was and still am very hurt. The worst part is that she continues to send my mother X-mas cards every year because she considers her a "good Christian woman." Anyway, I wish this ex-friend would have told me why she wanted to break our friendship. I think it's always best to tell someone WHY.

[Onyx]

This is always tough, esp. after you've known someone for years.  One of my closest friends in the world dumped me a few years ago after her mother died and she decided to become a born again Christian.  She wanted to erase everyone who she considered to be a "bad influence" in her life.  Anyway, she abruptly cut contact with me and wouldn't even tell me why she was upset.  I was and still am very hurt.  The worst part is that she continues to send my mother X-mas cards every year because she considers her a "good Christian woman."  Anyway, I wish this ex-friend would have told me why she wanted to break our friendship.  I think it's always best to tell someone WHY.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Wow. That is the most un-Christian thing she could ever do. Unfortunately it's something I've experienced more than once too.

[float]

This is always tough, esp. after you've known someone for years.  One of my closest friends in the world dumped me a few years ago after her mother died and she decided to become a born again Christian.  She wanted to erase everyone who she considered to be a "bad influence" in her life.  Anyway, she abruptly cut contact with me and wouldn't even tell me why she was upset.  I was and still am very hurt.  The worst part is that she continues to send my mother X-mas cards every year because she considers her a "good Christian woman."  Anyway, I wish this ex-friend would have told me why she wanted to break our friendship.  I think it's always best to tell someone WHY.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I had a VERY similar situation with my "best friend". I was even best man in his wedding, but he converted to catholic for his wife, and is now all preachy. Tellong me that he's worried that I don't believe in Jesus and whatnot. The worst part is, when we were groing up right up until adulthood, I was raised catholic, and he used to give me soooo juch shit about it. I think he just has a problem with anyone thinking differently than him, depending on what stage of life he's at, that could be anything.

[capuchin]

The older I get, the longer it takes to make friends and the less hesitant I am to abandon the friends that I met. There are a couple of situations under which I'd end a friendship. Aside from the obvious "screw you over" stuff (e.g. stealing your cd collection, sleeping with your spouse, etc.) there are two situations in which I'll end the friendship. One of those is if the person starts telling me how to live my life in that way which is clearly not good intentioned (e.g. when it comes across as condescending/hypercritical/judgemental rather than compassionate and concerned) or if the friendship is very one sided. I seldom will tell them, though, simply because that usually doesn't work out too well. I just kinda assume that relationships operate on a dialectic and if I'm not happy with the situation, neither are they, and so I distance myself. However, if they follow up and ask me what's going on, I'll be honest in the most diplomatic way possible.

[cptdeath]

:fear I often come off as a know it all preachy type with people. like i'm tougher or better or drunker. but thats just to establish comradery a few drinks with the guys and you feel good talking some sh*t cause you know they have the right to talk that way back to you. And you won't be shy for long tell me what the f@ck the deal is and slurr your speach when you do we'll be friends along time. Don't feel all heart broken if all your friends spend time blazing you. couse you really got to know them well enough to be in that spot and still have fun with it. you can tell when it's just for fun or disrespect is revealed even still don't give up on your friends unless there compleatly self centered they trust you and respect you if you feel the same your friends

Know I'm talking preachy to and I'm not worried about loosing you as a friend couse of it. Keep in mind i don't know you but you would hear my opinion and some advise when I thought i could help you. When people give advise remember wich side there on. if there wrong then correct them. if it doesn't seem to help then punch them in the arm or something equally violent and playfull lighten the mood those punches in the arm are valuable and cherished moments with a friend you miss :fear

"Some men you just can't reach. wich is the way he was, and so he is. Now i don't like war anymore then you do. " We don't need no civil war guns&roses