How Are You Feeling? (cont'd)

[TronRP]

Feels like I could do for a little more sleep

[TronRP]

Feeling happy that I already have the kids' school snacks prepared for tomorrow since we have to be out of here early in the morning. 

[NocteSpiritus]

Tired, but pushing through the last few episodes of season 1 of Supernatural to finish it off with the sister. 

[TronRP]

Feels like I'm finally over my gut burn

[TronRP]

I am feeling very disgruntled.  I wonder if it is because I woke up with face pain due to the tooth the dentist broke.

[NocteSpiritus]

Tired and frustrated over the 15 (may not be the exact number) of people who decided to come in two minutes before kitchen close. Not exactly how I planned to end the day.

[TronRP]

Feeling like I had a productive workout.  I managed to up my weights another 10lbs. 😁

[NocteSpiritus]

Productive for a few hours earlier in the day, having done dishes, breakfast (chocolate and butterscotch chip pancakes), and shoveled around the car, down the drive, sidewalk, and path to the house.

[TronRP]

Feels like I have sandpaper for eyelids...totally passed out trying to eat dinner last night.  Had another 12 hour day, but at least I got stuff done and have other things lined up.

[TronRP]

I feel like I have a friend in need of rescue, but rescue is not coming fast enough 😬

[Maureen Falcon]

1 minute ago, TronRP said:

I feel like I have a friend in need of rescue, but rescue is not coming fast enough 😬

Sorry.. 😢

[TronRP]

2 minutes ago, Moe Falcon said:

Sorry.. 😢

~~~~~

[TronRP]

Feeling like this has been a really long day...and it's not over yet

[Maureen Falcon]

Sorry

[TronRP]

Feeling like I passed out and woke up in the Twilight Zone.

 

I can't believe the boy has created so many stories that he is unaware that he just admitted to assaulting a student at his school.  I don't believe it's true, but he thinks his storytelling made him sound cool.  What is wrong with this boy.  Doesn't he know that his school has cameras because it is a detention school. 

 

We were originally at his school this afternoon because he claimed he gave his ID to some boy whose name he didn't know.  After Trene informed him that if he didn't find his extra ID, he would be removed from Robotics, an hour later, the boy's counselor calls stating that the boy had given his ID to a girl, not a boy and the counselor had confiscated it.  I can't believe that boy stood in that office and lied to our faces.  Then he claimed that some kid had recorded us while we were there and that he took the boy's phone and erased the footage.  But we were there for 15 minutes before they called him to the office and there was no male student in the office with us.  Two students walked into the office as he walked out to return to class, then we walked out of the school.  This would mean that the student in question recorded the backs of our heads so our student grabbed his phone and deleted what he recorded.

 

So we have the illegal distribution of personal identification and an assault with destruction of personal data recorded in a public place.  The boy is batting a thousand.

[TronRP]

3 hours ago, Moe Falcon said:

Sorry

~~~~~

Is everything OK.  I was hoping you would be feeling rested and safe. 

[TronRP]

21 minutes ago, TronRP said:

Feeling like I passed out and woke up in the Twilight Zone.

 

I can't believe the boy has created so many stories that he is unaware that he just admitted to assaulting a student at his school.  I don't believe it's true, but he thinks his storytelling made him sound cool.  What is wrong with this boy.  Doesn't he know that his school has cameras because it is a detention school. 

 

We were originally at his school this afternoon because he claimed he gave his ID to some boy whose name he didn't know.  After Trene informed him that if he didn't find his extra ID, he would be removed from Robotics, an hour later, the boy's counselor calls stating that the boy had given his ID to a girl, not a boy and the counselor had confiscated it.  I can't believe that boy stood in that office and lied to our faces.  Then he claimed that some kid had recorded us while we were there and that he took the boy's phone and erased the footage.  But we were there for 15 minutes before they called him to the office and there was no male student in the office with us.  Two students walked into the office as he walked out to return to class, then we walked out of the school.  This would mean that the student in question recorded the backs of our heads so our student grabbed his phone and deleted what he recorded.

 

So we have the illegal distribution of personal identification and an assault with destruction of personal data recorded in a public place.  The boy is batting a thousand.

~~~~~

OK...so he admitted he lied about everything just now.  He didn't think I was going to call him on it because he was in bed.  You would think he would know better by now since he has known me his entire life.

[TronRP]

Feels like my body is rebelling against solid food.  Fortunately, I actually like the shakes from Herbalife.  So I am on a liquid diet for the next however long it takes to get my body back to "normal".

[kat (1)]

9 minutes ago, TronRP said:

Feels like my body is rebelling against solid food.  Fortunately, I actually like the shakes from Herbalife.  So I am on a liquid diet for the next however long it takes to get my body back to "normal".

Do you have a stomach thing right now too? I have a weird stomach/throat thing.

[TronRP]

6 minutes ago, kat said:

Do you have a stomach thing right now too? I have a weird stomach/throat thing.

~~~~~

Ever since I started working out, my body does not seem to like anything heavy or deep fried. 

[kat (1)]

1 minute ago, TronRP said:

~~~~~

Ever since I started working out, my body does not seem to like anything heavy or deep fried. 

Deep fried makes me feel weird too, like it feels like grease is running through my veins or something.  It's a weird thing. 

[TronRP]

1 minute ago, kat said:

Deep fried makes me feel weird too, like it feels like grease is running through my veins or something.  It's a weird thing. 

~~~~~

I ate a few onion chips and a regular slider from White Castle.  I know people dump on that food, but I have never had any problems with them before.  This was total new.  We only make a White Castle run about once a month.  A week ago, I had a Midtown Skillet from Detroit's Finest.  I was fine until I ate the tatertots (it takes me about 2 or 3 settings to get through an entire Skillet).  Because I eat fried foods very sparingly, it took a while before I was able to pinpoint what the problem was.  So now I'm doing Herbalife Shake, trail mixes and Nature Valley bars for the next few day. 

[TronRP]

I am so worried about letting people down.

[Troy Spiral (13)]

A mixture of hope and dread.   Hope that I can keep doing the house spiral  / YouTube channel stuff and maybe eventually make a living from YouTube and who knows maybe one day we could have an actual "Club" as in like a nice goth bar with of course an attached dungeon. 

20 years ago that was actually my plan minus the YouTube.   It would probably have been feasible with the money I was just STARTING to make at Ford (98K the day of the car accident). 

 

But now that its January again I have  to pay for all my meds  again as I'm no longer "Catastrophic" which doesn't kick in until like June.  So that is $38 MORE dollars I cant afford.   Plus I'm already worried about having to quit YouTube.  As a job possibility anyway.   The old way I used to make videos would never cut it now.   YT is too competitive.   It was "just for fun" with no schedule before.  (and no chance at any income). 

I've tried 8 times to go back to work of all different sorts but the schedule was the problem.  With YouTube its far more flexible than any job I can conceive of and I don't have to deal TOO much with the PTSD.  Plus it feels like I'm actually contributing to society from all the positive feedback I get.   

Just now with the in the last year or so massive insomnia its harder.  I'm actively trying to work on it every conceivable way.  I'm like a Jedi Master of Sleep Hygiene now  (Valerian Root is crap, Melanin as a TINY benefit no matter how much I take.  Cleaning the C-Pap machine every damn day is fuuuuuun!   Blackout window blinds,  used money I don't have to get a better bed,  trying hard to get my sleep/wake cycle on track.  Exersizing almost every day when the insomnia will let me.  Trying to eat better.  (I'm on less meds now than I was a year ago).   Just feels like a constant dangling guillotine over my head with the damn bills!  Its not like the "Old" bills that if something went crazy I could dip into my now non-existent savings or credit.   I literally just cannot pay certain things.   The Photoshop/Premiere Pro product bundle that you basically "need" to do good videos is  just slightly less than the meds.   GAH.   Well the show must go on.  I'll figure something out.  Just wish I could still rob Peter to pay Paul.  But Peter left town and Paul isn't talking to me.  lol 

Gotta just keep going to the gathering and making the videos.  Gives me something to be hopeful about.  If that dies I'm not sure any of my self-help stuff will hold out for long.   I need to feel useful and productive.   After 15 years of looking this is what I came up with after many failed attempts.   Seems promising but also precarious.  

[Troy Spiral (13)]

On 1/25/2020 at 7:12 PM, TronRP said:

I am so worried about letting people down.

You are probably your worst critic, most of us are.   Plus it gets confusing as we don't even KNOW what we don't know.  I worry about this pretty much every day.   Not as much as in the past, when I could barely even have my own thoughts or  life.  Got to the point of feeling like I did't even know who I was independent of all these dependent type people.  Just running around in circles putting out fires all the time was 90% of my life.   It sucked.   (Crazy part is half of me would rather have that crappy situation BACK rather than this "Loser" situation I'm in.  But, never even getting to "try" things that were frowned upon by  most of my family for decade after decade?  Nope. Done with that.  Only get one life.

 But you have to not let YOURSELF down.  You can't be  a parent and a child to the same people.  You are their boss or at a minimum their equal.  The needy are at your mercy.  Not the other way around as I somehow got it in my head.  You especially don't have to put up with much nonsense from dependents.  If they don't like it that is their misfortune.   Oh you don't like that I want to do <X> thing?   Well then.... that is an opportunity for growth for them or to shut up.  So win-win.   The problem is once we are on the treadmill of "fixing everything" its very hard to get off and just explore our own lives and enjoyment. Living like a indentured servant to others will kill or cripple anyone eventually.  That lets EVERYONE down.  The trick is (or so I'm told) to  carve out time to do things outside your comfort zone that you might enjoy and explore them.  Less time on the treadmill.   Easier said than done I know. 

 

I miss ya much, I really miss you much.  *Squeeeeze*