VOID and Chaos

[paradox]

i wrote these a few years ago after reading Paradise Lost for an eng lit class (which i found to be particularly enlightening. great prof). they are based on Chaos and Old Night in the piece.

VOID is always in the format that its in, but Chaos is (IMO anyway) the interesting part, as its format is mutable. ie, i change it now and then. the words all go in the same order, but i break up the lines differently and insert puncutation in different spots to give it a different sound/meaning. ive done 2-3 different forms of it that i like, this being the most recent.

please enjoy and feel free to comment openly and honestly.

VOID

Void

Old Night

Palpable Blackness

Ending in Time

Yet never ending

Empty

Hollow

Frozen

Beyond All

All enveloping

Entropy

End of All Things

Before The Beginning

From Nothingness

We come to

Nothingness

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chaos

The thing that always never was,

Strangle scream; whisper shatter.

Bringing all into one into all.

Gibbering sanely to Insanity.

Silent as noise, cacophony of serenity.

Twisting straight the unbending will to shape

the mold of the Unmade, yet formed,

Warped desire of pure virtue, holding above what?

Now below living,

Death beyond life.

Still, in It always containing less.

More than It never seems, never seen yet

in all things consuming Itself grows

greater still, to fall to nothing that is

Everything.

[Homicidalheathen]

Thems my type of verse....they are. Very good.

[soothsayer]

Very cool.

[paradox]

thanks. any particular comments/criticism? have you read paradise lost? if so, do these poems work for you in what they propose to represent?

would you be interested in reading my short story that is loosly (very loosly, actually) inspired by lucifer in miltons work?

[bean]

Wow...those are really good

[paradox]

thank you. why do you think so?

edit: or, what didnt you like and why? this is an open question, not directed at any one person. im always open to comments and criticism. i like to discuss. im often afraid to comment too much on others works here, cause im not sure if they are looking for that.

but i am. :grin

feel free to say whatever you like at length. or not.

[holliwood66]

I really like the circular quality of the 1st poem. There is a definate rise and fall of the verse as well that is enjoyable.

The second poem shows promise as well, though perhaps you might want to explore new ways of highlighting subject besides negation. What I mean by that is the first part of the line is followed by the line subject opposite - unles this is your intention, if so you followed through very well - rather interesting system for a poem titled "Chaos"

[paradox]

thanks much.

i think i know what you are saying about chaos. ill think on that a little bit, make sure i got it right (hey, im slow! :laughing ). maybe there is room for something more with it. ive just played with presentation alot.

here is another way that i favor right now.

Chaos

The thing that always never was

Strangle/scream, whisper/shatter

Bringing all into one into all, gibbering sanely

To insanity--silent

As noise--cacophony

Of serenity twisting straight: the unbending

Will to shape the mold of the unmade, yet formed warped

Desire of pure virtue

Holding above what?

Now below living death

Beyond life, still in it always

Containing less more than it never seems, never seen yet

In all things consuming itself

Grows

Greater still to fall

To nothing, that is everything

[bean]

I liked them both because they perfectly described what each mean. If someone were to ask what void or chaos meant, i would direct them to your works. I likes Chaos, as you originally posted it - it captured the essence of what chaos is and was thought provoking. Keep it in its original form.

[paradox]

thank you for the further input! :grin

thats very kind of you to say.

what about this alternate do you dislike? what doesnt work for you?

[bean]

The alternate is too choppy, the essennce of chaos got lost..its like it turned into diet caffeine free chaos. The original was more smooth - it grabbed you and took you on the ride that is chaos. Of course this is my opinion, do what you wish =)

[paradox]

right on.