goodbye to romance...

[torn asunder]

is it wrong to grieve for a relationship/friendship that never really was anything, but could have been something beautiful? i screwed up, and i'm really regretting it right now. and i just finished writing my response to her goodbye letter, which was a goodbye of my own. i've very sad right now, i just hope i'll feel better in the morning...

:

[JaneDead]

i wish i had some words to offer that would help you heal but there are none unfortunately. just know you will make it through and you have us to talk to about it.

[Brenda Starrr]

No, TS, it's not wrong. We're always hopeful that life's happenings will bloom into greater and more wonderful things. Sadly, it's not always the case. You definitely have us to talk with if you need it. **hugs**

[DisturbedMania]

No it isn't wrong to grieve for what we know could have been. Some of us have sight further into things than others and it is sad when the other person cannot see the same things.

[Jarodaka]

If it really was nothing then it shouldn't hurt to end it. So it was something. Which means, it hurts. In the meantime, I prescribe lots of beer.

[torn asunder]

i have another question - how do you reconcile the need to allow yourself to feel sadness with the need to not dwell on negativity? do you push the sadness away and deny it? to you embrace it, let it run its course, and then let it go? if so, how long is long enough, or too long? what happens if it doesn't leave?

[Jarodaka]

I vote for letting it run its course. In my experience the pain is never totally forgotten, but with time it becomes more distant and less of a burden.

[DarkChylde]

I know how ya feel man, it sux, im pretty much dealing with the same shit as well (which im not gonna get into at the moment) all I can say is it heals over-time it may not seem like it, but trust me after atleast couple of week's (or longer) the pain go's away...For me, whut helps me get over this kinda stuff, I start reading all the seasons comic books of johnny the homicidal maniac then watch the evil dead and army of darkness movie's, then chainsaw massacre (old skewl version)

[Brenda Starrr]

Embrace it and let it run it's course. You can't just block it out or you'll go nuts. It's so hard to go through life, falling in and out of love. However, we do just that. When you open your heart, you have no choice but to feel pain. I wish I could help you, TA. I've been there, if it matters.

[soothsayer]

i have another question - how do you reconcile the need to allow yourself to feel sadness with the need to not dwell on negativity? do you push the sadness away and deny it? to you embrace it, let it run its course, and then let it go? if so, how long is long enough, or too long? what happens if it doesn't leave?

TA, I understand this question because I went through it with my daughters mom.

I thought it would never end ( the sadness ) but I lived day to day until ( 6 months later ) I got over it. Time really does help and it's normal to feel a loss.

I believe if you do not grieve it will only take longer to get past it.

Allow yourself the right to feel how you feel and more sooner than later you will be just fine. Hope this helps.

[Hermine]

Express it in a positive way. Turn your pain into art.

Write, draw, sculpt, paint, sing, dance, act, any medium will do. Pour everything you are going through into it. You will feel better and you will create something true. The end of this relationship doesn't even have to be the overt theme of what you create, it is the emotion that matters.

As for how much weight to give it, I will give my usual advice. Mourn while you must, stop when you can. Don't deny it, but don't retreat into it either.

Meanwhile, do something for yourself. Something as simple as making your bed every day, or fixing up your room can really make a difference in your self-esteem.

[DisturbedMania]

I'm going with Hermine, art. But, then again I want to be a starving artist, though emotional pain drives my creativity. Crappy relationships here I come! If nothing else watch something that makes you laugh. Laughter helps too.

[Jarodaka]

Hmm, I'm not that artistic... then again this advice is for TA, not me.

Another good one is hanging out with friends and meeting new people. It's a good reminder that your world is more than just that one other person.

[DisturbedMania]

Considering I've decided to date myself my world is even less than that one other person. Just kidding. But, dating myself has been entertaining cause I can spoil myself rotten, e-bay here I come!

[Hermine]

Considering I've decided to date myself my world is even less than that one other person.  Just kidding.  But, dating myself has been entertaining cause I can spoil myself rotten, e-bay here I come!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sounds silly, but courting yourself can actually be really good for your self-esteem. Get yourself little presents (just don't bankrupt yourself), do little stuff for yourself. Make yourself a nice, healthy meal, a DIY article of clothing, or just get some flowers and put 'em in your room. It really will make you feel better about yourself.

As for Jarod, pffft, everyone makes something. You're literate, keep a journal. In fact, your writing is quite nice, so there you go. See, you are artistic. Even though the advice was for TA

[Shade Everdark]

As for Jarod, pffft, everyone makes something.

Some of us specialize in making ruined lives, and bad poetry.

O, how goth am I...!

[Jarodaka]

As for Jarod, pffft, everyone makes something.  You're literate, keep a journal.  In fact, your writing is quite nice, so there you go.  See, you are artistic.  Even though the advice was for TA

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Awww, somebody noticed my literacy and general acceptance of grammar and spelling rules... Heh, I have a LiveJournal (oh, I'm sure somebody with basic deduction skills could figure out my LJ name), but that doesn't really count. I'm too paranoid -- and know too much -- about computers to believe anything I make private on LJ will remain that way.

[Hermine]

Get yerself a good old fashioned paper and ink journal then.

One that only you have access to and that you can shred and burn when they break down your door. (dude, now I have "Guns of Brixton" stuck in my head and I'm not even that into the Clash, damn my freewheeling mental processes)

[Jarodaka]

Hey, that's right, I actually have a couple of barely-used journals lying about. Now I just need some pain to fuel my artistic endeavours. Anybody free this Friday?

[bav]

Hey, that's right, I actually have a couple of barely-used journals lying about.  Now I just need some pain to fuel my artistic endeavours.  Anybody free this Friday?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Not especially, but I might be able to find some time to swing by and staple your hand to your forehead. >grin<

Anything to help out, ya know >grins again<

[Jarodaka]

Oh, how convenient, I also have a staplegun with staples in it... hey! Stapleguns are only to be used to accentuate pain and suffering, not as an antecedent!

[Hermine]

Go to the gym and repeat after me:

I must bench press more than that steroid user. Otherwise, it will mean his dick is bigger than mine and you know what steroids do to a guy's dick ( a little comedic potential there

You'll get your starter pain. No problem there. Then you fart a couple times and start writing (that bit's just inherently funny, right? I don't think I've quite got the hang of this fart joke thing).

That or find yourself a good dominaitrix...or, Hey, Bav, slight change of plan. Clover clamps first, then the staplegun.

[Jarodaka]

Ah, so many people want to make me feel pain. I feel so loved in a slightly disturbing sort of way.

[DisturbedMania]

Saying goodbye to romance leads to physical pain?