Cereal, Rape and Murder

[paradox]

Cereal, Rape, and Murder

Acts of passion you can't perceive

Looks of hate you can't deceive

If I told you my name

Would you betray me?

If I told you my shame

Would you revile me?

If I confess my desires

Would you reject me?

I love life more for the look in your eyes'

As I slip behind a friendly disguise.

I can't help myself,

The lust is too strong.

I continue to act,

Though I know it's wrong.

Too late now,

It's already done.

It's such a shame,

I couldn't let you live.

[soothsayer]

That's strong and very, very good.

[phee]

Yes.... very good.... more "Serial" than "Cereal" though

[paradox]

thats the humorous part.

and thanks. personally, i never really liked it overly much myself, after i read it over. it needs work.

[phee]

Let me know when you have made changes... I would like to see them

[soothsayer]

thats the humorous part.

and thanks.  personally, i never really liked it overly much myself, after i read it over.  it needs work.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

If you don't like it why did you post it huh huh? Tease.

The title reminded me of a Dweezil Zappa song called Cereal killer.

[paradox]

i posted it cause phee made me do it! :laughing

what a catastophee! :laughing

im sure my insipirations were many, varied, and largely subconcious.

i wrote it many years ago (about 10?). if i get to working on it, ill let ya know.

[soothsayer]

what a catastophee! :laughing

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

:laughing

He does seem to have that effect.

[paradox]

its hurricane phee!

[phee]

*Phee blows*

[paradox]

oh my...

[paradox]

what did you guys like about it?

for me, its too rough, has a disconnect in the middle where it sorta jumps to a different style/mode/whatever, and doesnt seem to work overly well with the title, which might lead to confusion or fail to correctly convey my intentions, which seems to be the case here as well.

[soothsayer]

What I like is its sinister vibe. Almost like a mini horror film feeling or atmosphere to it.

[paradox]

ok good. :grin that was the intent. i still think it could have been smoother.