Dont be a burden unto others

[paradox]

:blink

damn...

troy. my best wishes to you with whatever you are going thru. i dont know ya well, but i do know yer a good guy. the DGN alone is proof positive that you have a continuing positive influence in peoples lives, both those around you and those further away. i think its safe to say that things might be more of a burden without you.

[wheresmypiggy]

I don't want anyone to take this the wrong way. Troy will know my meaning behind this.

Troy,

You've done it man. Passed on through the last big hurdle of life. It doesn't get any worse.

You are a whole new person now.

No one can judge you but yourself.

You are stronger and braver than you have ever been.

No one can hold you back.

Remember talking to me about all the crazy shit in my life? Wondering how I could be as happy and chipper as I am now?

Thats how I did it.

There is no turning back from who you have become. You can modify yourself. Chose your friends and surroundings. But you will always remember you were stronger than even the bravest of men or otherwise for one fleeting moment.

Its not selfish. Its growth.

There is no judge.

There is no king.

There is no ruler.

Only you.

You are all that matters.

Everything else will fall into place.

Peace is within the hardest decisions.

There is no easy way out.

You chose the hard road, I respect you for that.

You have amazing friends that swooped in in the nick of time to help you finish your conquest.

Its not over yet.

The beatuy is only beginning.

Love Miss Piggy.

[Steven]

I think that this is the gutsiest goddamn post I've ever read.

Transparancy my friend - is a jewel. A gift to give freely, yet never without pain and remorse, to others. One must be free to become transparant. Perhaps Troy - you are closer than you realize. Perhaps in your pain and confusion you are a leader, or a shepard, or a Poet? Christ himself always drew from the dregs of society to build indiscipherable masterpeices. He chose the wounded, used their beauty, and the strength of their weaknesses.

Illogical was He.

Untrained.

Alone.

Lonely.

Frail in the end. Overpowerd and yet never broken.

Free.

I'm a liar Troy, and a theif, and an abuser, a violent man, an addict, a whore, a taker, a violater, a fool, a child, fetal and shaking, raging and crushing innocent by-standers, at war with my will, at war with my sanity, at war with God, at war with all. All of these things I have been, therefore all of these things I am.

And as always, as everyman is - powerless in the end. God's we are not. Fools we are. Yet beloved nonetheless, made worthy in our worthlessness thru the blood and love of others, and The One.

There is no shame in your brokeness Troy.

All men should be broken only to be recreated.

This world and all of its pain has no true hold on you when you are broken...

Be at peace.

Steven

[LadyWindstone]

I love ya Troy. If you need me message me.

[DisturbedMania]

You're going through one of the hardest life lessons. I think, in my lack of wisdom, that the confusion you are having about a purpose or some connecting thread to all humanity may be explainable. Everyone's sense of understanding and reality is different. As it varies, the world we see and perceive varies. There are similar circumstances that we all seem to have, but those "similiar" circumstances are actually profoundly different.

In terms of asking for help. I really feel for you, I'd rather die than ask for help, but it's a lesson I'm learning. You've got my number if you want to talk philosophy of understanding.

Good luck in your battle against the meds.

[pomba gira]

It is never a burden unto others when they are all vying to be the shoulder for you to lean on.

Use them all

At this point, the only way for you to burden your friends is to make them worry needlessly when they are all here to help

-eternal

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

WORD

Troy... I honor your courage in reaching out to your friends in your time of need. For a person who defines themself by giving, learning to accept what is offered is one of the very hardest of life lessons. But it MUST be learned if you are not to destroy yourself.

What you have to do now is grab hold of all those hands that are being extended to you, and don't let go until you're on solid ground again.

I am not going to act like you're my best friend or even like I know your full situation. But that doesn't matter- I DO know that a lot of people love you very deeply and that I've NEVER seen anyone speak ill of you. In a millieu like this that says a helluva lot. I wish you well, I wish you healing, and a swift & unerring journey back to yourself & the loving circle of this family that you were instrumental in creating.

LOVE YOURSELF!!!

[Troy Spiral (13)]

My status update:

Thank you all for the kind words in this thread , and others. Unless you hear it from me, assume that it may or may not be "the real situation" Many people, being well meaning, may or may not be explaining my situation properly.

Basicly i was in the hosptital for 5 days straight all last week and am pretty bad off. Worse than i've been in the 3 years since the car accident (but doing better now than i was last week)

I was in the hospital for a massive withdrawl reaction (coupled with several other problems). I couldnt speak at all for awhile due to intense deydration and had trouble walking (couldnt walk at all to get to the hostpital they took me there in the ambulance) The only things i could say clearly to the paramedics were "food, water, hospital" and other very short phrases the only thing i could come up with to say to my mom at one point, out of total frustration , not being able to answer even simple questions like "whats your birhtdate?" My mom tried to get me to tell the doctors what was wrong and all i could say was "im sorry , thank you. I love you" and such. I felt , inside like i was thinking fairly coherently but i could not make my body function properly. (yes it was scary) I couldnt speak clearly enough to explain to the doctors what the problem was (to oversimilify it was intense medication withdrawl) so they pumped me full of lots of differnt things which , they tell me, triggerd a psychotic reaction that lasted for 2 days. Durring which time i was hallucinating and not seeing , thinking, or functioning properly (mentally or biologically, in just about any way you care to imagine)

I was "better" on day 3 and well enough to be relased on day 5. Right now im on lots of meds and basicly just exausted and have lots of headaches/anxiety/ laundry list of other lesser problems.

This was not meant as a "suicide note" but does have , to be honest, sucidal overtones, becasue dealing with the pain & frustration of being sick virtually 24/7 for nearly 3 years now had finally gotten to me and i think i was half thinking "i just want it to be over" , not that i was going to kill myself. But the pain was getting pretty bad, and i was starting to think , well , if this is it, lets just get it over with. (to sumarize)

Im now, at home, recuperating.

Thank you all for your kind comments. I do feel silly for posting this and airing my "problems" like some crybaby, but i thought i should explain a bit more.

Im doing much better, but certainly not out of the woods yet.

Im sorry i cant respond to all the PMs and other messages properly yet, im just too exausted. Please try to understand.

Right now im at home (yes with the parents) and just trying to recover. For a long time i wasnt doing all that great but was trying to ignore it and just "press on" as well as "act healthy" as i know thats what people want to hear.

Right now i just need to try and deal with reality and get better, but really get better, not just put on the face of "seeming to be better" which is fairly easy.

You wont see me around much for awhile but your in my thoughts and i often get updates via various people when i have the energy to speak & converse about the goings on here.

Sorry to be so vauge on some of the details , its hard , even now to really explain everything , and think totally clearly.

Thanks for everything

-Troy

[Rayne]

We love you Troy.

[Aralis]

Glad to hear your home and doing better! We were all soo worried!

[saechalyn]

Do whatever you need to do, however you need to do it. We love you

[The Void]

The only one to be concerned about is yourself, thanks for posting to let us know you're alive and here. Now go pay attention to yourself, no one expects anything of you other than that. Be well.

[Nienna]

*hugs*

[Head Wreck]

good to know your in better shape boss.

[Brenda Starrr]

Everything that I could say has already been said. I'm just glad that you're better.

xoxo

[Steven]

you should never feel "silly" for doing your best to just be yourself. I for one, very much appreciated your honesty in posting your struggle to connect the dots and comunicate and again - I felt it was admirable and see strength in your humilty, which is rare these days.

Where ever you end up Dude - I wish you peace and Gods speed.

Steven

[Saephyr]

troy baby...you have helped me in the past.

All you did was send a few PM's when we were all at the old website and it made me feel understood. I know your feeling.

Just for a good read...

i thought I had my migraines under total control right. Ok so I'm thinking college, lifestyle changes, weight loss, exercise, friends and all the goodies that come with. Then BOOM :confused Muther fkn Endometriosis says HI

That damned Laproscopy I had did more harm than good and I wanna stop this pain. I'd love to not trouble my friends and I haven't lately. I just drank away the pain for 3 weeks and it's caught my dumb ass now. Er's got me labeled as a 'junkie' can't go there. Have no resources cuz doctors are not Gods. Just suffering and crying and sleeping lots.

This is not my life. It will NOT stay this way. it may very well be a wait but I've waited since 1992 what's a few months right?

To wrap up...being in pain sucks the mayor!

Just be glad you've not got a female reproductive system to deal with love

[gothicmom]

[pomba gira]

Not silly, just human.

(Altho sometimes I think just being human is the silliest thing imaginable)

Thanks for taking time out of your healing to let us know what's going on... people were very worried.

Now... go & take care of yourself... do whatever YOU need to do & don't worry what anyone else thinks.

[Saephyr]

Yeah...what she said!

[bean]

I am glad that you are doing better!

[Mikielikesit]

WELCOME BACK TO THE BOARD..........

[DarkVampire]

Glad to see you are feeling better Troy.

[Saephyr]

Yey Troy!

Hey get your bod together and we'll swap massages...no monkey biz I promise. I really just need a decent pair of hands.

[Homicidalheathen]

Yah we will miss you, but just want you to be ok. However long it takes.

[Darque Knight]

Get better soon Troy. Give me a call if I can help out at all.