Happy Birthday

[bav]

It's been almost a year since I last saw you

laying in state as your friends and loved ones gathered

I've spent a lot of that almost-year thinking about you

and the things you would have done

the talks and conversations we would have had

the joy and pain we would have shared

but what the mind's eye keeps focusing on

coming back to, again and again

is you laying in state

how it was you and not you.

The hair was cut too short, the beard trimmed too much

the makeup that looked like it was applied with a trowel

that couldn't quite hide all the bruising in your face.

Then I think of happier times

Like when we went to the hockey game

or playing backgammon while watching TV

bonding over Johnny Cash after he died

and baking cookies together when I was young

And again, the pendulum swings back to your face

your hair, your beard, your makeup

your heart attack

your funeral

As I told all your friends and loved ones

who kept asking "why didn't he take care of himself?"

it was just your way, and you rarely,

if ever, compromised in your ways.

It was just who you were,

part of you as much as I was part of you

I still have to say that to myself sometimes

when I think about it too much.

It's been almost a year since you died

and today would have been your 59th birthday.

Happy Birthday, Dad.

I miss you.

[Brenda Starrr]

Wow. Beautiful.

[LuluVox]

Oh, I'm crying at work.

That was good.

[JaneDead]

i can't believe it has been a year. :( i remember when you posted about it all.

hope you are holding up today bav. *hugs*

[Black Sunday]

ver 1.5

[Troy Spiral (13)]

Gut wrenching and very eloquent. Sylvia Plath has nothing on you brother.

Sorry for your loss. >hug

Take care sir.