For your good health....

[Homicidalheathen]

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this

true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't

waste

them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your

heart

will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the

life

of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and

corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than

an

efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need

grain?

Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy

vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily

allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,

that

means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of

the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.

If

you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular

exercise

program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No

Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable

oil.

In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be

bad

for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the

middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger You

should

only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's

the

best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had

about

food and diets.

And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the

intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,

but

rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the

other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO

HOO,

What a Ride!"

--

[bean]

Sweet, I'm gonna go eat some deep fried meat with a side of chocolate, drink a beer, and go take a nap!

[saechalyn]

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one.

If

you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

[n0Mad]

Wow, the Renaissance Festival is like a health spa. LOL!

[Homicidalheathen]

I thought this was a good one considering this will be the first week I (dare I say we?) fail at our new years resolutions......heh.

Fries anyone? Hey, it's a vegetable! Cooked in burger grease!

[ManicQueen]

That was a good one

[HipsterDufus]

And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the

intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body,

but

rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the

other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming "WOO

HOO,

What a Ride!"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Hahaha. I agree with this completely.

[kellygrrrrrl]

O M G

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[DarkVampire]

Why bother would sum it up. You eat, sleep and die. Lovely.