Hmm..

[Soulrev]

Well at this moment in time I don't have anyone to talk to about this so all of you get to listen-in on what I just need to.. write, or talk, to someone or something, about...

It's an odd day, today.

So about 2 months ago I lost a friend of 15 years.. His name was Jesse (just for the record). They found his body in the Kankakee river after about a month of decay.. It's a long story and nobody knows what really happened to him. They had to identify his body by dental records. They know he was in a car accident the night he died but nobody was to be found near the car.. Best theory the investigators could come up with was that he was drunk, got into an accident (with only himself involved), tried to get away from the car to avoid the police, and "fell" into the Kankakee river, where he would have been incapacitated due to internal injuries and intoxication. Nobody knows the actual cause of death, though...

Anyway, he was survived by his girlfriend, his (barely 1 year old) daughter, and his mother.

His girlfriend happened to be my friend Rob's half-sister, who I've known since school..

Here's where it gets complicated.. I've always, liked Amy, as a friend, and even a bit more-so.. I never said anything to her, and then she hooked up with Jesse and I just threw away any thought about her in the manner of a possible relationship..

Well, today I went over to Rob's house to make use of his broadband connection so I could download some shit (yes I use dial-up because I live in the middle of nowhere)..

And Amy was there.. Now I am in a twist.. I just spent like, my entire morning and afternoon hanging out with her at Rob's house.. Just talking, watching tv and what-not. We just "clicked", ya know? And I get this feeling.. I don't understand it. It's almost like I can sense the tension between us.. I may be just delirious but I swear it's like a "we both have something to say to eachother but we're not sure if we should," type of feeling. I know I have that feeling, and I really sense it in her, but I'm not sure.

The thing that really got me thinking more about this was when I told her I had to go so I can eat dinner w/family (Wednesdays my family gets together for dinner @ my sister's) and she didn't want me to go, and there was just, "that tone" in her voice.. I dunno..

Maybe I'm just crazy but this is my life - an oddity.

Hope I'm not driving people nuts with all my blah. I'm sure some of you are thinking "This guy is nuts he's talking about all kinds of shit one day and totally different the next" but I just have to type things out sometimes..

- B

[Soulrev]

Oh and to top that all off, I talked to Shaun today, too, at Rob's house.. He told me some more shit about Kristina and what she's been doing, and I realized, I'm not in love with her anymore.. I'm in love with the old Kristina, but now, I don't even know her anymore.. She's so different now, in a bad way...

Just an update.

[Ginevra]

Well, since you posted, SR, I'm going to throw my opinion out there.

First, I would say that you are actually not over this Kristina chick. One day, you're carrying a torch and the next day you're not? I'm sorry, it doesn't work that way.

Second, Jesse's only been gone for 2 months? Give the GF some time to grieve for him, eh? 2 months is not all that long. And there's a child involved, too? Do you really want to handle any part of that responsibility when you're having a hard enough time handling your emotional self?

I'm really not trying to come off as a hardass. I know that things can be wishy-washy sometimes. But you can't say off the top of your head one day, "Well, I don't love Kristina anymore. Oh, hey Amy . . . how YOU doin'?" I think you're actually just pretending to yourself so you can justify your actions.

Hang out with your friends. Enjoy each other's company. Go home. Leave it at that.

[ManicQueen]

Like Ginny said, let the girl grieve for a while. It would clearly be a disaster if you two were to hook up right now.

Just be friends. Be happy being friends. Enjoy each other as friends. Who knows, maybe sometime down the road things could go forward, but nows not a good time for that. For either of you.

Just my two sence. =)

And I'm really sorry to hear about your friend.

[Homicidalheathen]

I would wait until they find out what really happened to your freind. But I smoke too much weed and am paranoid. :blink :erm :confused

Seriously though....(should this go in Phees seriously thread???)

Wait. It is just strange to go with a dead freinds uh....now ex??? I mean, just a little while. To be nice. Then if she does not become a murder suspect pounce.

[Soulrev]

Well I guess I'll update this. So we ended up hanging out both Thursday and Friday.. Friday, after I got off work, we went and got something to eat and saw a movie.. Afterwards we went back to her mom's house and watched some tv..

On the way home we talked a bit and I told her there was something I needed to say to her before she leaves for Chicago in the morning.. I told her that "I like her a lot and she's a really awesome girl, and that I understand she may not be ready for a relationship right now, and that I'm willing to wait until she is ready, however long it may take, and that when she is ready, I'm willing to be in a relationship with her, if she wants, and that I wouldn't pressure her about it"..

Anyway, It was getting late and I had to be back in to work at 7 am for another 12 hour day, and when I said I was gunna head home, she said I didn't have to leave.. So I asked if she wanted me to stay the night and she said yeah, and that "she wouldn't mind having someone to sleep next to"

Well anyway we were laying down watching tv and she grabs my arm and puts it around her as we fall asleep. When I woke up in the morning to get ready for work she leaned in to kiss me and we ended up making out for a couple of minutes before I had to go.

We're still in contact with eachother and I guess she wants me to come out to Chicago to hang out with her this weekend.

I dunno where this will go in the end but as of right now it seems to be going pretty well.. I'm not keeping my hopes up as far as anything goes, but it seems to be going alright for now.

I just want to make sure that she's not rushing herself into anything as well.

[Marblez]

I just want to make sure that she's not rushing herself into anything as well.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

She is...and you are. Don't fall on your sword and give away the possibility of a great thing but be careful to not get your hopes up too high. She is no doubt lonely and a dead mans shoes are difficult to fill.

Be sure that she knows how you feel and try to get her to keep it at as slow a pace as she can handle.

BELIEVE ME I know it is hard to hold yourself back when you know that you felt something for her even prior to what happened. It might feel like "meant to be" to you, but be leary of her desire to not be alone.

About Kristina - change her name to Tony and you have my scenario exactly. I could have sworn that I was in love with him until one day *poof* realization hit that I was holding on to something else entirely. Wow, what a difference.

btw, I never knew you cared .

Sincerely,

Marblez (Kristina)

[Steven]

good advice from a couple of wise ladies here Rev......spend some time thinking.

remember too that there is more than just the two of you involved, theres a child involved, and I hate it when that part of the equasion gets set aside. You should never pursue a single mother unless you also desire to be a father figure and a mentor - to be sort of involved with the kid by proxy is not fair and does damage. And to add fiurther to that concern - you sound a bit mixed up and confused at the moment....nto really the fortitude needed to fortify a new relationship.

Steven

[Homicidalheathen]

Good luck.

[Soulrev]

Well I really want to try to avoid being a crutch, or rebound boyfriend, so yeah I'm making sure things go slowly..

Oh and as far as the child of course she was taken into consideration. AS of right now Jesse's mom has custody of her, though, since Amy has no job or any way to support the child now that Jesse is gone.

If anything I really want to help Amy out as much as possible, even if a relationship doesn't come out of it, I still want to help her get her life straightened out and get her on the right track simply because I know she can do better than what she has.. I've known her and been best friends with her brother Rob for a long time now..