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*sigh* How I am feeling is very complicated. lots of conflicted feelings swirling around. this month is hard on me. I've posted about it on Facebook.... this month, and this year, marks 13 years... if I'd have been a mom 13 years ago... and it's a heavy feeling. Between my health and my lack of money... I know i am better off to not have had them. But it still hurts, because that might have been my only chance. We are broke. And it makes me feel like shit that I can't do anything to fix it. Feeling not good enough. my hats don't sell. And all I do is fucking complain because it's all I got left. Now I'm feeling... pathetic...

Thanks. It passed finally. My doc said that stomach flu was going around right now.

Slightly frustrated but excited. Got the Dremel 4000 today with a few extra kits for jewelry making. I am trying to get an extremely difficult double stone tension set into a ring and I already cracked one of the decorative twists I had on the ring. I had to cut it and shrink the ring size. Probably better anyways since it was a size 10.5. Now it is going to be a size 8.

Yes Troy, as Moe has said "please go to war". You are much appreciated. And not to sound cliché, but you truly saved my life. That I will forever be grateful to you for. Ganbatte Niisan, Ganbatte!!!

Who wrote this? LOL. I must read more of my old stuff now. But first I must find out who numbers 1, 2, 8 and 11 are. Bunch of sick puppies.

I suppose I would be up for whatever just as long as we get the chance to hang out with everyone.

She called, wanted to know if I was going to Small's but I told her bad MS week.. can't do it. Not blowing her off. can barely move and covered in bruises from multiple falls. Pagans tend to things -not- about virgins, mangers, or holy nights... Lots of Celty druidy stuff.. about longest nights or returning of the light.. all that observable sciency stuff {Prob never heard a one}. Pagans once attributed it to various gods (little g) but we've grown up a bit and celebrate out of tradition.. and because it's fun. The majority of us fully accept science and have slid our focus to conservation efforts until you sciency types find us a new planet to move to.

There was talk of doing Gatherings twice a month. vs Weekly...saving money for those of us who are struggling <points at self> maybe you can jump on that? What day -would- be good for you?

You get better, you. There is hope for you. I have to smile and nod at my well-wishers. They mean well, I know, so I try but inside I am screaming: "MS is terminal. There is no "Getting better" My own brain is housing lesions that will -never- get better. I take drugs to slow it down, but I want to take speed to let it be over already! Sucks to watch your body fall apart slowly, bit by bit, never knowing what will go next. The chronic pain lets me know that part is still there. I can still see/hear/taste.. feel? most of me.. I qualify for disability, but an attorney said, "You make too much money to bother." I might get $100 a month because of my kids' dad. yay? Troy, please go to war.. you have accomplished so much. Things I could never do. You gave John and I a place to exist. You brought together people that would have never met. You're one of my favorite people. I hate people. I am a "hopeless case", what do you advise me?

I must say, I had to look up "glass ceiling". Never knew there was a term of professionalism that conveys such imagery of delicate beauty (but not in meaning), specific to females and members of a minority...but hey, live and learn... Question, is your mother allowed to receive visitors that are not family members or is she in a mood of not wanted people to see her? And there is nothing wrong with wanting "stuff" and/or "fun" while going through this. It was the only thing that kept us sane as we watched our mother literally waste away before our eyes. You still have to take care of YOU. Also, as far as the "Random Acts" topic is concerned, you might not like the way I do it because when I suggested it, there was a totally different meaning behind what I had envisioned. So as for me, I would feel odd promoting it as is...sorry... But don't forget, we are here to help, just let us know what you need. ...and yeah, really missed kat at The Gathering...

I hope you feel better soon, Kat. *hugs*

BulletBoys - Smooth Up In Ya