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I think the final verdict issued today decrees that I am to now remain a quasi-semi-permanent-ish resident of the Rochester Hills Michigan area and will now be the supervisor overseeing the remainder of the current remodel we've been on here. Meanwhile the El Presidenté, Señor Jimmy Hoops will take the bulk of our workforce and forge a path west to Utah and run the 7 week Ulta remodel there. Holy crap it's like Holland, MI last year but like on opposite day or some shit.

OK. it sounds like I may have been right in assuming this wasn't a great situation. tom's apartment is lovely, hes a very neat person and has a sweet cat. I can also ask my roommates about you coming to stay for a week to breathe if you need space. (house full on introverts and cats, and me) I'm dog sitting atm, but tomorrow I can leave the doggo for 6 hours and can come help if you need to remove stuff from a shared space ( I had to do that alone and it Sucked) I don't want to overwhelm you with things I could potentaly do that MIGHT be helpful in your situation. But they exist and I'm pretty willing. I'm sorry to hear that your mom isn't respectng boundries. I had to change my number and cut my mom off around the time I left Jax. It was horrible. I wish I had some kind of advice or a way to make that hurt less but there really isn't any? it does get better, I don't think there was a way someone could have said that to me that I would have belived when I was here. But it got better.

Here's my official 1st day back at the jobsite pic after my week or so emergency crisis management leave of absence... We found the busted rubber kids toy in the parking lot... Matched my shirt, so... Voilá, color coordinated hi-visibility construction site color hat & shirt. I know right, I'm so gawddanmed stylish that it's hard to believe I live in tha mofo gutter y'all.

My mother: I'm going to come blast my country music outside your window and a vacuum cleaner.. Me: oh, because you don't like the music from the show I posted last night? Ma: No, because you have a hangover...hahaha *insert "Goodnight, I love you" meme" but also... ..You should change your profile pic to the 2nd one you took because you look like a drunk hussey in this one. I'm just cracking up at hussey...😭

Thanx fo' tha congrats, but all is an illusion. There exists no stability anywhere near me, so shall it be for all the days that I walk the earth... Lol, but I appreciate tha positive vibes, and I'll send um right back at ya... *transmitting positivity* *... ... ...* *transmission failed... insufficient positivity* Fμ¢k sunovawitch, well I tried okay lol.

Today was good.

I took my daughter and a friend of hers to Dirty Show this year. Once we were there she wouldn't be seen with me until it was time to go home.😂

My son has informed me that he is going to City Club tonight.... NOooooooooooooooo! I am not ready for this 😩

Hugs to anyone right now who needs it.

So when I moved to MI it was to flee domestic violence. I don't really talk about it much because I'm in therapy and pay someone well to have to hear about that bs. But I think that experience is a bit relevant here. If someone in your life is making you feel, regularly like you are a problem and even getting upset at you for trying to understand yourself better and painting THAT like a problem I don't think I have a title to put on that behavior that doesn't involve the A word. I know how these situations go, so I'm not going to try and convince you you need help you don't want or tell you something you don't need to hear but the one thing I will say is this. I didn't think anyone would love me aside from the person I had to cross state lines to get away from. I didn't think I deserved someone who wouldn't control me because I genuinely believed that I was somehow so bad I had to be controlled. This was bs. People told me in so many ways that it was bs and I couldn't tell you what made me see that I deserved more but once I did and got help (specifically intensive treatment for C-ptsd) I was actually like happy being myself. When you don't have someone constantly kicking you while you're down and bringing a microscope to your flaws you have a much better chance at finding peace and stability. Like I said, this is the only time I will ever say this or anything like it. You deserve to be happy in your own skin. No one has the right to treat you this way. This sounds like psychological abuse to me. And you deserve better. I don't have a spare room to offer, I wish I did. And I can't really help you get on your own feet financially as I'm recovering from a divorce myself, but if you need/want a recommendation for a good therapist I've got you covered. And if you need or want someone to tell you that no one has the right to discourage you from trying to understand, accommodate or celebrate yourself I will be the first one to do it. Whatever you decide to do I still will respect you and think you're cool as shit. And like I said, I'm not going to bring this up again I hope things get a little easier for you

It won't let me delete the quote again. Anywaaaaaaaays I'm an idiot. I hate people. Roger has an alcoholic problem, rarely, but every couple of months he gets super sadistic when he drinks. Then yells at me that I'm trying to control him when I go into a panic mode because of my trauma and anxiety... So he never tells me he's going out with his friends, and at 4 am.... And tells me how horrible I am... Like, I... Don't know why he won't just leave... I'm mentally ill, I'm not okay. I'm tired of people trying to force me to be normal. I have the government behind me saying I'm legit crazy, and, I go into meltdowns, and he doesn't want to touch me or anything. He punishes me.. Then when I try to learn about autism and teach him about what I learned in the process of being a late diagnosed autistic adult, he rolls his eyes and tells me I'm obsessed about it. Then when I apologize to him in public for talking about it to share my relations with people, he pretends he never does that.... Literally, if it wasn't for my friend, I'd be lost, I explain things to her asking if it's okay, like the time I choked on water... And Roger thought I was vaping, not weed, but real vape stuff. I never do, but it was this ONE literal time. He excuses me of coughing on it and told me he wants to watch me intake the toxins, and he stood there trying to force me verbally to vape in front of him and prove I was coughing on that.... Like.. I don't need to say how fucked up that was...i hate alcohol... It's always caused men to be abusive in my life. Family, boyfriend's, even friends.... I have no other options, the government doesn't want to help me out. They don't see me as a concern so I have to figure out how to take care of me. I don't know.. Everyone I trust turns oh me... Ever since I was born. I just, like I said I DO NOT want to connect with people anymore. So many times I trust people, and, either they make me out as someone in not when I'm trying to find salutations and communicate, and talk things through... Then they turn to arguing and when they realize I don't want to argue, that's when it gets worse... I hate being me.... I love being me when no one is around, but when people are around, I hate that I can't socialize, that even in my report cards, it has always said, I need help socially. Now I'm 31 and finally on the road to getting myself fixed up and hopefully never need to depend on people again... But, saying that, my metal sister came over in a hurry this morning. She is here. She wants me to go get food. I should dress up and treat myself. I was scared last night, and as someone who doesn't understand a lot, and when anxiety hits, I can't even form words, it was real. It was freaky, even my metal sister looked at the candle and everything. She is, weirded out. She knows I'm not making up the fire story. I tried blowinf it out and the flame got bigger. So I ran it across the house to the metal sink and doused it before it got worse. It was over a carpet, with paper posters, and electric cords and outlits. As a daughter of a firemen, that is incredibly concerning. I have autism, I am not a normal person. I am scared a lot easier and I do not understand things like normal people do. There IS a barrier between me and everyone else because, I have a hard time remembering word meanings and I sometimes use words that are similar, and yeah... It's a mess when I try to talk to people....i give up, and I really don't want anymore connections. Dawn, my metal sister, my Eagle Father. Yes, he asked me to not call him a brother, but a father... So, I'm crying... I.. Have family who wants me and let's me talk and never gets mad and helps me find the right words to use instead of getting mad at the first site of a misused word, and then behave aggressively.. I can see aggression in people, a lot... And it is incredibly scary.... So many want to control others now a days. It's so screwed up.. And I'm stuck in it again... My father cried and told me he is sorry I was born in this situation... Dude.. I'm like...

Looks like I might be crossing the border tonight for the first time in about 18 years.

I had two local to Holland people show up to the goth event yesterday. Pretty sure I made friends, and they allready make semi regular trips to Detroit where all of the things and people are. So now I have a carpool group 🥳 So even if there are only 4 alternative party people in all of Holland it's someone to travel with

In case anyone is interested, they just opened up a late night poutine restaurant a few steps away from the venue.

http://subqulture.com I know I've posted stuff about my work but that was a long time ago. This is not exactly a new website but it's what's currently up and probably was never posted before. Enjoy? 🤔

the Lumiere De Flamme series is beautiful! Everything is so cozy, warm and dreamy! funnily, the goth shop i used to work in, Called Subculture, had a sister company that was a photography studio. For some reason that was named something like "Wombat Studios". no one knew they were connected.

~~~~~ If you need a step-by-step, I can walk you through that. I finally figured out how to do that by phone.

~~~~~ I'm assuming Facebook pics soon to migrate to prying eyes in the DGN Sector...

this doesn't Bode well! Harold and Maude is added to my watchlist

I'm sure somebody's got some here somewhere, actually if I recall, I recently hired a guy for just that. Too bad I taint all his positivity with my cynicism and leave it at least 50 to 75% tainted on average hahahaha, taint. LOL the delirium sleep deprivation times have now arrived weee wooo wee woo, please ignore me everyone. Wtf?! Why am I even typing still ...

It was that we was haulin' this big gawd damned 1998 Sierra 2500 with a 454 cubic inch big block V-8 from Iowa on a trailer meant to fit a Ford Pinto sized vehicle lmfao, many years ago, also while i had just had a mild to moderate stoke on that jobsite which I continued to working right thru, but this was one of the longest most outlaw, backwoods, dumpsterfire, death defying hauls I ever remember making across the United States. Hilarious story... Y'all's "what are they hauling" thread here just made me think of it lmao.

~~~~~ *Hugs* And yet, I've been itching to take the Monchichis. The last one will be 18 in one month!!!

this is so not funny, BUT I laughed out loud and I'm pretty sure I smell bbq and sulfur XD

~~~~~ OK, but I was addressing my concern of it being stated that everyone was being seen as being here in memorandum to Troy. I only asked because I already know all of this. I wasn't sure if you knew if gwen was aware of this as she made the comment. So you are preaching to the choir as I've been here for the entire situation; the exodus, the passing and the return. But yes, I do tend to beat around the bush so as to soften the blow. I don't do emotion trampling very well. However, I am not adverse to being direct when the situation calls for it. Therefore, I was confused as to why your comment was directed at me for knowing how everyone felt already. As admin, I also have a duty to make sure everyone feels welcomed. So it is not my place to attack, trample or stump unless as a last result and only when specific boundaries have been crossed. But thank you for reiterating the information in case you felt I was not already informed.

I am definately down Kat.

I was impressed with both, the Ozzy and Metallica cover bands last night. Definitely a cool little venue. Can't wait to go back. Thinking about going to the Cherry Poppin' Daddies show there next month if @GrumpEoneis down.

My car Sabrina (now that's she's finally fixed 🙃) runs great so we can always use her.

There is currently a category 2 hurricane, that I really wish they hadn't named DORA, exploring its way West in the East Pacific. 🤦

Thanks for listening sir, love the input.

So, amongst my journies, I learned this fox can shriek and growl. And a local studio at the time wanted a female singer to do death growls and screams for covers, his version of Leap Frog Studios? I think I said that right. Anyways, I took two of my favorite songs, and made them Death Metal. Maybe I "Ruined" it for some, but, don't listen to it if you aren't a fan to begin with, please? I know, it's a goth forum, but, I am also a vocalist and as an artist, I just exist to create what my soul and heart feels. Sweet Dreams - Pet Sematary - It was fun, but, my adventures are over in the entertainment world. I've been wanting to get out of it for a few years, so it feels good to finally be free and live a normal life, just simply as me. I also just wanted to contribute to this website a bit to help breath life back into it. Glad to be back. Enjoy 🖤🖤

Better. Roger didn't yell at me today for having anxiety like he use too. He's becoming more understanding of how to handle my meltdowns. He also took part of the day off and cleaned a whole bunch for me to help out since the past three months have been pure hell for us. He also made lunch. Which after he went outside, and since he was nearby, I stuck by him outside and followed him with the weed Wacker while he mowed. I'm happy to be working with this one person. They really are kind and reminded me to breath today over email. And even said not to worry about being late. So, it's nice, some stress off my back. I really wish I accidentally didn't forget my PTSD medications existed and quit taking them back in January. Finally over a 100 dose. Working back up to 300. My psychiatrist sent me a list of all my medications I printed off and stuck to my med cupboard to help me keep track of them all. Still anxious. Going to take my second dose of Gabapentin for the day. It feels like my third dose tonight isn't going to get here soon enough. I hate how I feel from the issue of Time. I am so patient, but holy crap, do I hate when I'm late. It's the worst feeling. It feels like my skin is being peeled off from my shoulder down to my finger tips, slowly. Better days are a head. They always are.

It doesn’t count if you don’t break something…

so there is this https://www.sossobriety.org/ if it helps anyone. that god stuff just doesnt work for me if it works for you great AA

Fascism leads to genocide 100%. Trump has already spoken about locking up people in internment camps. Every anti-LGBTQIA + bill is genocide. People on the right have already spoken about eradicating trans people. Indigenous people are still undergoing a genocide. There is an epidemic of MMIW that has gone unnoticed. Black trans people are being murdered. When you have a political party like the GOP whose supporters consist of Christofascists and Neo Nazis, that should be an indication. Oh let’s not forget about the sluts for Hitler who are infiltrating school boards. The right is playing revisionist history here with redefining what slavery was. Redefining the Holocaust. Redefining the mass genocide of Indigenous people here. I could go on.

Does that mean they are a Has Bean?

The Bean is dead. Long live the Not Bean!

Oh, grandpa! How lovely it is to see you. Do they know that you’ve escaped again?

Oh man all the married women in here clicking their mice... It's so hot.

~~~~~ I have no problem with transparency regarding function cost. If DGN ends up holding a credit, it could then be put towards other uses such as support for events and/or things along that line.

this was why i never donated after the (one?) time i did - i asked troy to lay out the costs of operating dgn so the members could see where their funds were going, and for accountability. he refused. i was all for supporting the board, but had the feeling that the dgn donations were going to pay troy's personal bills.

Just like Libby?

Did the donation tracker just go from a certain point forward? I know a few people in times passed donating lots of money but it wasn't on there. Hell, I once held a fundraiser myself and handed over a jar o cash. As for elections/polls, I would like to advise against such as they typically become a popularity contest and can leave hurt feelings. I am pro-benevolent dictatorship

Feeling so disgruntled. It is so upsetting to me that I practically have to ask strangers, outside, to keep the noise down just so I can hear the TV I'm sitting right in front of. The only fear with that is them feeling justified in their noise pollution and probably not having any qualms about shooting me for suggesting they turn their "music" base down.

Welcome to our home. It's always great to see new people. Have a look around and enjoy the board.