Musical & other differences in relationships

[Fierce Critter]

There are precious few things Jon and I differ on that we can't come to some sort of compromise.

And this might seem a bit silly, but probably the most polarizing one is...

Country Music.

I can't stand it. Hate. it. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE it. I even had a chance to work at a radio station once, job of my dreams. I had to turn it down because the station was W4. There was no way I was going to be able to listen to 8+ hours of piped in country music every day.

It's fine if people like it. I don't consider music that I don't like to be "bad" per se. Just "bad" to my ears personally.

Jon likes country music. For the most part, he hasn't listened to a ton of it over the years, either in the car or otherwise, to a degree that gets me particularly uptight. And yes, I dislike it enough to get "uptight" if I'm forced to listen to enough of it.

After returning from NC, Jon was so sick of all things southern, he wouldn't even listen to country anymore. The day he said he now hated country was one of the happiest in my life.

But there's a new country station in Detroit now, and he's infatuated with it. Been playing it more and more in the car and stuff. I've been trying to deal with it, but it's difficult.

I'm particularly mindful of the need to not sacrifice everything you like because you end in in a relationship with someone who doesn't necessarily like the same things as you. So I'm not going to take a stance that he can't "like" country just 'cause I can't stand it. Just as I wouldn't want to be confronted with him saying I can't listen to 80's synthpop just 'cause he's not into it.

But I'm having a little difficulty finding a way to deal with it when I am exposed to it. The car thing is one thing. But today, he signed up on their website to try to win tickets to concerts and stuff.

I gave him a look when he was doing that, and he said, "What?" and I blurted without thinking, "I hope you don't expect me to go to a country concert with you."

Needless to say - tension.

But honestly - I really don't think I could do it. I think - I KNOW - I would be absolutely positively miserable.

But on the other hand, I had a chance to go see The Fixx a couple weekends ago. I really would have liked to have gone. But Jon wasn't interested, so I didn't follow-up on it. I really wouldn't go see a concert without him. Unless, possibly, a female friend or friends would want to go with me.

I'm really a bit tied here. I don't know how to compromise on this one. I want him to be able to go enjoy concerts and stuff like that if he wants to go. And we generally don't like doing things without the other there. But this is one that admittedly has me more than a bit stymied as to how to compromise.

[JaneDead]

i have THE same problem. it is not so much with "country" it is pretty much with EVERYTHING he listens to i HATE it. and when ever we are doing something where music is involved HE takes control. we listen to his cd's, his station, etc. what he wants. we fight about it even.

after all this time ... we still don't know how to compromise on this one. his way of compromise is that we listen to it and i just have to deal with it. nice eh?

[Guest Megalicious]

I'm really a bit tied here. I don't know how to compromise on this one. I want him to be able to go enjoy concerts and stuff like that if he wants to go. And we generally don't like doing things without the other there. But this is one that admittedly has me more than a bit stymied as to how to compromise.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This can be so very hard, because like with most of us music is a very important parts of our lives. I had this siutation once FC, my ex loved Hip Hop, loved the underground scene in Los Angeles. The echo club every wensday, I must say at first I HATED IT! Couldn't stand it .. it maded me want to pull my hair out and scream.

But I went one night with him .. to a live show of some anticon artist and well that kind of change my mind a bit, it was the atomosphere itself I should say, here I was suround by ppl that where dressed with baggy pants, wife beaters, hats on sideways, looking all ghetto. But you know what they were really nice ppl, they didnt look at me all funny because I was wearing a fishnets and carrying a Misfits coffin shaped lunch box =) And I enjoyed the show alot, did I care for the music? Not really, but I can't help but remember looking over at Bob and the huge smile on his face when the guy we came to see hit the stage. He was so happy and having such a good time that it made me happy. And I did end up liking alot of Hip Hop (not all of it of course).

Yes it nice to just go out with your SO and seeing them having a good time with something they enjoy and you dont, but your right its a compromise .. he would do the same for you.

Trying going out and doing one thing Jon wants followed by something you would want to do, that way it doesnt feel like such a compromise ..(and I MEAN something you WANT to do .. not something you BOTH enjoy =) ) Don't think of it as a compromise .. think if it as Im going to go out and have a good time with the man I love. Think about Jon, think about all the wonderful things he has done for you and the joy he has brought into your life =)

In the car, rotate the music .. like if you guys go somewhere, on the way there you get to listen to what ever you choose, and on the way back home Jon gets his turn.

There must be aleast one country artist you like? Doesnt matter . old or new. Go out and buy him a gift of that courntry artist so that it isnt that unbearable, and Jon feels special because you got him something.

I know its hard. Music is so important, but isnt being annoyed for a car ride, or one night when you go out to a show with you loving husband worth the annoyance =) To see him enjoy himself and happy. =)

[Aralis]

My exfiance and I use to have this problem. We did like some of the same music but our main problem was he could not stand my gothic music and I got real sick of his hippie music. I got to like some Grateful Dead and he did turn me on to Rusted Root but alot of it was boring and I did not care for it. He would not let me listen to my goth or electro music when he was around. I would get in maybe one song and then he would like that is enough of that.

My husband and I both love lots of genres of music. We like ALOT of the same stuff and he is very open to listen to new groups. Its alot easier.

[Guest Megalicious]

I got real sick of his hippie music.

Hey, sometimes I need my hippie fix .. :laughing

But then again I dont bore the sweetens with it

[Msterbeau]

Carla and I generally like the same music. With a few exceptions. I think our way of dealing with the exceptions is to totally put the band down.. in a homorous way. If that makes sense. The funniest thing is that the specific groups we disagree on are pretty diverse, genere-wise. When we're in the car, my I-Pod (Which has a bunch of her CD's on it) is usually on shuffle so we just let it make the choice. Sometimes she spins the tunes. Whatever works.

My daughter's mom and I usually had a little different tastes. We usually didn't play what the other didn't like when we were together.

As always in a relationship, the two people are either willing to work things out mutually or there's friction.

[Steven]

Laura and I foundationally enjoy the same thing in music....but I have a tendency to go off on tangents that she's just not interested in , or doesent dig.

depends on my mood and place in time.

I can switch from Zepplin to Johnny Cash to The Death Cult to Toby Keith in one setting. Laura is not like that at all.

We also differ to a degree on the "classics".

For example I sing in a cover band. Never did that before, all of my previous bands were all original. SO although I do the best I can, I always end up inserting a bit of "me" in there in the vocal, or I might twist soemthign up a bit just for fun. Sometimes to her that's sacriligeous. But other times she'll suprise me. For example we do ALice Cooper's "Go To Hell" and I dont do it anything like ALice does, but she loves it.

[JaneDead]

depends on my mood and place in time. 

I can switch from Zepplin to Johnny Cash to The Death Cult to Toby Keith in one setting.  Laura is not like that at all.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

that is how it is with me, i like to switch switch switch and my husband will pick a band... and 5 others that sound just like it... and only listen to that for MONTHS at a time. but i like to listen to jazz, then 80's, then rap, then metal, then oldies, then classic rock, then techno, then classical etc one after the other... and he will make fun of how i listen to "old stuff" and to get with the decade. though he will listen to social d, and it is not new, and he will listen to it non stop like i said for MONTHS.

[Msterbeau]

that is how it is with me, i like to switch switch switch and my husband will pick a band... and 5 others that sound just like it... and only listen to that for MONTHS at a time. but i like to listen to jazz, then 80's, then rap, then metal, then oldies, then classic rock, then techno, then classical etc one after the other... and he will make fun of how i listen to "old stuff" and to get with the decade. though he will listen to social d, and it is not new, and he will listen to it non stop like i said for MONTHS.

And now you know why I like the Ipod so much.... It makes it easy to do this. Dave Brubeck Quartet one minute, Jesus and Mary Chain the next. Perfect! :-)

[Steven]

that is how it is with me, i like to switch switch switch and my husband will pick a band... and 5 others that sound just like it... and only listen to that for MONTHS at a time. but i like to listen to jazz, then 80's, then rap, then metal, then oldies, then classic rock, then techno, then classical etc one after the other... and he will make fun of how i listen to "old stuff" and to get with the decade. though he will listen to social d, and it is not new, and he will listen to it non stop like i said for MONTHS.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

ahhh it's just the way your hardwired.

Laura is a creature of habit.

I'm a creature of make it up as you go. So I get bored easier, need more change than she does.

two totally different sets of wiring. Neither one is wrong.

mine's jsut more fun.

[JaneDead]

ahhh it's just the way your hardwired.

Laura is a creature of habit.

I'm a creature of make it up as you go.  So I get bored easier, need more change than she does. 

two totally different sets of wiring.  Neither one is wrong.

mine's jsut more fun.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

exactly. same with me, i get bored. i need to hear a lot of variety. i rarely can listen to a whole cd of one type of music unless i REALLY like it. i need the shuffle.

[BrassFusion]

There are precious few things Jon and I differ on that we can't come to some sort of compromise.

And this might seem a bit silly, but probably the most polarizing one is...

Country Music.....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I can't believe no one suggested weed yet.

Lots and lots of weed.

[JaneDead]

I can't believe no one suggested weed yet.

Lots and lots of weed.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

:laughing that could probably help a bit.

[phee]

Me and Rayne are soooo compatable... I hate country but I love music... there are very few songs that I really can't listen to at all....

In the past I have had the opposite problem.... in relationships, I can listen to any and all music that my GF/Wife would have put on.... and be fine with it (maybe a little teasing) but I put in any death metal or hard industrial , I get eye rolls and accusations of being insensative, deep signs, or they just turn it off without asking.... Glad I am not there anymore.

[TygerLili]

My boyfriend and I like some of the same music, but not everything, and that's cool. I'd be seriously freaked out if I met someone who had the exact same taste in music as I did, because what I like to listen to doesn't fall into any sort of pattern or genre.

If he wants to go to a concert for a group that I don't care for, he is more than welcome to go with his friends or by himself, and vice-versa.

As for the car, yeah, it's a little annoying listening to someone else's music in the car (especially if you're the one driving and they flip your stereo), but I guess I can tolerate listening to just about anything for a short trip. For a long trip, you have to take turns with the music, or find something you can both settle on.

Being in the car with someone, anyone, not just a significant other, for over an hour is pretty annoying anyway. If their music doesn't bother you then their driving, speeding, smoking, humming, finger-tapping, back-seat driving or something else is bound to. You either have to learn to live with it, or take separate cars.

[The_Dark]

FC... Moderation in all things... even disgust. He's not pushing it down your throat so you really need to not spit it back in his face... if that makes sense.

Really, your going to have to put up with some of it... if it gets to the point that you just cant stand it anymore.. tell him. He'll turn it off, he loves you that much.

[Fierce Critter]

Sweet Mother of God.

He just won Rascal Flatts tickets for tomorrow night.

Help me.

(The possibility of being faced with having to immerse myself in country to the degree required for a concert is what prompted me to post this thread in the first place. I just didn't think it would come upon me THIS fast...)

[The_Dark]

Holy crap....

Are you sure you dont beleive in Destiny?

[Homicidalheathen]

I guess, to be quite honest......forcing me to listen to country music just might be the deal breaker, I hate it THAT MUCH.

Wows

I feel sorry for you.

This just happened the other day. I am seeing this lady who goes to all these rather liberal events with me, we met at the green house meetings. I don't think a republican has ever walked through their doors B4. Oh and I am very good freinds with a guy she is seeing.

So we find out she is republican and voted for Bush.

We talked about it for an hour on the phone the other day......so yah, it was important. We were just shocked, I mean I will still be freinds with her and all but kinda see her a bit differently. Can't help it.

[Homicidalheathen]

double post

[Fierce Critter]

He and I are in discussions.

There's a little more to it. See, I posted in the "do you believe in love" thread a bit about how if you give up that which makes you yourself TOO much, you can hurt the relationship.

I've given up so much in this relationship. Don't get me wrong, we both have. It's worked to a point, and I'm working on learning how to recover some of what I foolishly gave up - even if at the time, it seemed like the right thing to do.

Well, before I met Jon, I was the Anti-Country. I mean, I hate the sound of country music that bad.

Now, I'm not going to sit here and say country music is crap. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Just 'cause I don't like something doesn't mean I think it's bad. I don't like Hendrix or Janis Joplin either, but I respect their place as demi-gods of rock & roll and I understand their brillians.

Likewise, even if my ear doesn't like country, I respect the artists. Great songwriters, fabulous voices, virtuoso musicians. I can see all that.

It just doesn't "work" for me.

But, again, this is a bit of a deeper issue. I can compromise to a point on music. Jon got me interested in music I never would have listened to before I met him. And I've done the same for him. We do compromise on music.

But I truly feel that for me to give in to the country thing is, once again, asking me to majorly push aside a part of me that's darned strong.

I know it might sound silly. But I truly hate country that much!!!!!

Sigh. We're talking. Some of the wisest advice I got on this thread was the part about if I love him, I can find it in myself to deal with doing something he really, really enjoys to keep him happy. I do agree with that. But he also sees how much I'd really be compromising a pretty strong part of myself to do that.

I've told him I'll go to the concert if that's his decision. I'll "allow" him to enjoy it, and try not to be a bitch and sigh & moan all night. And if he can find a guy friend to go with, they have my blessing.

But he's thinking on it. He's open to the possibility of selling the tickets, too. I'm, of course, fine with that. So long as he understands that I don't want him to deny himself his involvement in all-things-country for the rest of his life just 'cause I don't share his like of it. That would be selfish on my part, and poison for the relationship.

More to come. This has become freaking soap opera worthy with one phone call.

Heh. They recorded him for promos, too. My husband - the voice of the FOX country station listener.

Gads.

[Fierce Critter]

Heh. :grin We found out the tickets are worth a total of $124.00. Jon would rather have the cash! So we've posted a message on Yahoo buy/sell groups and might put them on Craigslist, too. He wants to use the money to have a nice night out together Saturday - nice dinner, full-priced movie (RARE for us), maybe City Club in the night.

[Onyx]

He and I are in discussions.

I know it might sound silly. But I truly hate country that much!!!!!

Sigh. We're talking. Some of the wisest advice I got on this thread was the part about if I love him, I can find it in myself to deal with doing something he really, really enjoys to keep him happy. I do agree with that. But he also sees how much I'd really be compromising a pretty strong part of myself to do that.

I've told him I'll go to the concert if that's his decision. I'll "allow" him to enjoy it, and try not to be a bitch and sigh & moan all night. And if he can find a guy friend to go with, they have my blessing.

But he's thinking on it. He's open to the possibility of selling the tickets, too. I'm, of course, fine with that. So long as he understands that I don't want him to deny himself his involvement in all-things-country for the rest of his life just 'cause I don't share his like of it. That would be selfish on my part, and poison for the relationship.

More to come. This has become freaking soap opera worthy with one phone call.

Heh. They recorded him for promos, too. My husband - the voice of the FOX country station listener.

Gads.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I see from your last post that you two may sell the tickets, but also just wanted to say I think it can be very healthy for a relationship to have different interests and even do things apart now and again. I think it helps keep things in balance and makes life more interesting.

I hear you on the country though. Ugh. I grew up in Tennessee so I had a steady diet of it and my dad was and still is a small-time country singer. My brother sings it at times but he's more in it for the bit of money. I can't stand it unless it's Johnny Cash or bluegrass (which I don't consider in the same class as radio-type country).

[Brenda Starrr]

Sweet Mother of God.

He just won Rascal Flatts tickets for tomorrow night.

Help me.

(The possibility of being faced with having to immerse myself in country to the degree required for a concert is what prompted me to post this thread in the first place. I just didn't think it would come upon me THIS fast...)

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh God....

Wayne cranks them UP. I want to just vomit....

[Fierce Critter]

I ended up getting $180 for the pair. :grin

I put them on the Yahoo groups I'm on, as well as Craigslist.

At one point, I had offers as high as $350 and $450. But Michigan is a no-scalping state, and I didn't want to risk being arrested.

Ohio, however, is not. So next time I have tickets to sell, I'm saying I'm from Ohio, and meeting people in Toledo.