Black NAils For Boys?

[Gauge]

I would honestly reccomend the book to you as well, I know, I know, DGNers know more than psychologists, that's already been established, but reading more on this topic would help to understand why so many think it is more complicated than "if my son wants to wear a dress then let him wear a dress".  At some point you will have to prepare your child to function in society.    Even members of most countercultures probably gained valuable life experience dressing "normal" so they can function at a job or school.  Just because goth's don't like "society" does not mean society is wrong and the goths are right. 

Well you might want to consult a child therapist about a myrid of issues, trying to understand why your boy wants to wear a dress is not a bad idea.  Just accepting it as "he wants to do this, so fine" could be ignoring some real issues.  Or maybe he just likes to wear dresses and if that is all it is, there probably isn't a problem, but odds are that it is more complicated than that.

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for starters i never heard anyone saying they new more than pshychologists because of their dgn membership or because they consider themselves to be gothic.

if your going to start drawing the gender line as to what boys or girls shouldnt wear because of they type or color, then you may as well look at the preps, jocks, goths, geeks, whatever, once you do that give me a definition of normal. what does dress have anything to do with how well you can function in a work environment?

as for "consulting a child therapist" the boy wearing dress/girl in boxer thing was purely figurative. but IF i have a child and they happen to want to wear something that happens to fit outside of societys little gender box, i am perfectly fine with that. there doesnt have to be deep seeded issues behind the way that people dress.

=)

[Gauge]

I want my girls to be themselves...  and that sometimes means I cringe at what is perfectly in their nature to do.

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that made me happy, i really wish more people could think like that and just be happy and supportive of their children

[BrassFusion]

Just because goth's don't like "society" does not mean society is wrong and the goths are right. 

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It's not that I don't like society. I don't like sexism.

And once again, you're guilty of Ipse Dixit, and for some bizarre reason, assuming that every authority agrees with whichever one you're currently studying. I assure you that many psychologists find personal expression healthy, even at the cost of so-called "gender identity."

[AstralCrux]

I wish the nephew was allowed to express himself, he'd love to have blue hair. My sister thinks that somehow that would make him turn gay and then she'd have to kill her own son. (I really have no idea how that could happen since sexual preference is genetic) And, if it were up to him he'd be a nudist, but really what 4 year old boy wouldn't? (at home only of course)

I fully support the idea that children should be able to shape their own look. Why not let them pick their clothes? So, the kid won't wear matching anything until junior high- they need to be able to make decisions and having them pick things in terms of appearance is good for them.

Oh, and it's nice to see BM out of topics that involve other peoples relationships. Good to see some HEALTHY debate.

[paradox]

Actually, masculine and feminine identities are often genetic, attraction to blue for example, is something common in boys from very early ages.  Gender roles are not "stupid", in fact children deviating too far from their gender roles can become victims of gender identity disorder.  Actually a good book is "Gender Identity Disorder of Childhood"  put out by the American Psychiatric Association.

Nail polish is probably harmless (I have no idea) but promoting a boy to wear a dress could cause Gender Role Behavior Disturbance.    A boy could normally want to wear a dress for a day or two, that is normal.  But for a parent to say "gender roles are silly, you should wear a dress" could cause lots of psychological conditions which would alter his genetic gender identity.

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no wonder those scots are so crazy! :laughing

[DeadBurgerKing (10)]

My son, who is now 11, wants to wear Black nail polish, WIth summer vacation here and no worries abot school problems I am most likley going to let him do it. I did how ever want to get your thoughts on the subject befor i do, so.......

What age did the males aroud here start to wear Black NAil Polish?

What age would you let your SON start to wear Black nail polish?

What was your come back to those who Commented on your black nail polish?

Give me all your  thoughts and ideas on this subject

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1: It varies really...

2: I would let my son wear what ever he wanted whenever...so long as it wasnt something inapropiate...as long as he wanted to it'd be allright...it's sign of expression...

3: Honestly I just ignored everyone who said nasty things...but the problem is...theres going to be alot of closed minded people...not to scare you...but he should know how to defend himself if he wants to freely express himself...I learned that the hard way...cause hes going to get picked on...

[AstralCrux]

Actually, masculine and feminine identities are often genetic, attraction to blue for example, is something common in boys from very early ages. 

I wonder if that changes in non-western societies where blue is a less common color used in clothing and art. I can totally see with all the blue toys and clothes you usually see associated with baby boys that because they are so exposed to that color it becomes a sense of safety/security.

Spinoff from thought- as babies only see red, black and white when newborn I wonder if that is why we consider red such a dominant color. (espcially for advertisements etc.)

[Moonlight_Phantasy]

personally i think if you he wants to do it let him. i think more parents should give more freedoms while they are young so they dont rebell when they are older. my parents had me under lock and key and i couldnt go anywhere or do anything or wear what i wanted to wear and etcetera. let him try things out and see how he likes it. if he eventually doesnt like it anymore then just let it go. it could be a phase or something he may do for a long time. either way kids do need to experience things for themselves.

[Lilith]

It is sad. My kids are good kids. They're smart and talented and so funny. They're helpful to me. Sure, they're not always perfect. Not even close. But I think that it's okay to be yourself, even if it means being a boy and painting your nails. I just don't want my son to be insulted by what is supposed to be an adult.

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With out knowing all the ins and out of your situation........ I would suggest letting your son wear the polish untill it time to see dad then Remove the polish and poof Dad does not even have to know. Kids have been hidding make up and things from parent for ages and well in this case i would have say it would be worth the little trickery.

[Lilith]

My general Rule of thumb is anything that would casue a problem at school it has to wait untill they are in JR high where atleast the Admin are a bit more open to things like this. I have had minor problem like the Size of pant leggs or pant leggs draggin on the floor where i smoothed things over with the principale and he has been able to wear what ever he felt liek to school with in reason of course. HE does dress in mainly black with a elmentary Goth feel to it. W ehave dealt with kids saying thing to him Like "GOTH" (which when you are 9-10 yrs old you think it an insult) . We have fully covered the you cant start a fight but if you get hit first lets finish it up so you wont get hit again stuff, we have covered the sont let other dictate how yo ufeel and do what you want and i think he does htat pretty well not with just dressing but with other social issues like racisim. HE has donned a full REAL Mohawk to school a year or so back, although it did casue problem with other kids being too vicous so we nixed that untill JR high, (funny though the year after that happened i counted 6 kids with full hawks on the first day of school).

I am one of those moms who dont really care on regular basis what the kids are goign to wear or look like etc....... any style goth or prep has appropiate clothing for occasions and clothing for Play/down time and my kids are fully aware that no matter there style they must be dressed appropaite when the time comes.

I guess my fear in a way and my reason for seeking other thought was a natural mother worry that there child will be hurt some how. I know expressing your self with cloths and things is healthy but i also know from experience that being taunted and teased could infact be hurtful even if it is for just a moment in time. No mom want there babies to hurt for any amount of time ya know. So i was worried it might be al ittle to ealry for the polish, i am not agianst him wearing it i am against him getting hurt feelings, a part worries if he tries something then he likes it, yet other make fun and he ends up not doing it he may not try again in the future when others are at an age to be more accepting.

As far a gender roles, I might look at it diffrently. I alos have no formal back ground nor have i read any book on the subject so this is purley my thoughts.

My boys need to know how to do anything a girl is "supposed" to do and my daughter needs to know how to do anything a boy is supposed to do. This does not mean my boys have to play with dolls but if they do i dont say anything who cares if they are happy. This also does not mean my girl has to play sports but if she want to be "tom Boyish" good for her. They all in general have to know how to take care of themselves, i.e laundry cooking, cleaning, mowing the lawn take out trash, iron, etc...... They all need to know how to care for there skin and use products for hair, and curling irons etc....... I also speak up freely when i here them mention soemthing like "only girls do that" and i remimd them of the many Boys who do ballet for exmaple. FOr me i just push the thought of if it is a life skill no matter if its a boys life skill or girls life skill they all need to know hwo to do it, what if the boys end up being single dads to girls and my daughter being a single mom to a boy, it not so much a matter of YOu must live by both sets of roles it a matter of you must understand both sets of roles and be aware how to accomplish the end result if you need to and if you find yourself liking the other roles a bit more by all means PLEASE wash laundry or mow the lawn so i dont have to!

[Lilith]

Double Post sorry......

BTW we will proablly be doing the black nail polish this week end, i want to be able to help him apply it so it looks nice and he learns a few tricks

[BrassFusion]

lol, I liked your whole post about boys having to learn "girl stuff" and vice versa, but...

Curling irons? as a life skill? I tried, I still can't get the hang of those. =( I wonder that's why I feel this lack of accomplishment in my life.

[CandyQuackenbush]

Let him do what he wants. He needs to find himself and what he likes.

[Lilith]

lol, I liked your whole post about boys having to learn "girl stuff" and vice versa, but...

Curling irons? as a life skill? I tried, I still can't get the hang of those. =( I wonder that's why I feel this lack of accomplishment in my life.

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Well i was actually just being silly with Real life situations in mind, LIke the time i asked hubby to help me curl the back of my hair, he knew how to sort of and he did not burn me, where i had Previous guys just laugh at me if i sked for help...... Perosnally would have apprecaited the help instead of being laughed at... might be why i never marreid those guys.

Either way i still burn the shit out of myself with those things :doh