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From the Onion

Illiterate Spirit Frustrates Ouija- Board Players

July 26, 2006 | Issue 42•30

STRATTANVILLE, PA—Late-night attempts to contact the spirit world proved more frustrating than enlightening for a slumber party of Strattanville teens Saturday when the only specter they were able to contact suffered from borderline illiteracy, sources said. The poorly educated revenant frustrated the séance participants, who quickly grew impatient with such otherworldly messages as "W-U-R-N-N-G—F-U-M—B-A-Y-O-N—T-H-E—G-R-A-V" and other hard-to-interpret information. Organizer Olivia Bamberger, 13, said they were all "embarrassed for the guy," and finally asked the wraith to tell them the future and "sound out the big words."

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    • TronRP
      ~~~~~ Wow.  I hope that works out for you.  Will you be moving your ranch there?
    • TronRP
      6:15pm - Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 22 Guests(See full list) TronRP
    • Soulrev
      I'm thinking I'm going to be moving to AZ, soon! Can't wait! I friggin' love it here! The heat doesn't bother me at all and the best part? NO SNOW!!! (S.N.O.W. - Shit  No One Wants)   Been staying in Bullhead City where the kids and grandkids live. Next, we're going to the wife's cousin's which is a ways North of Kingman, in the middle of nowhere, where we actually plan to move.   I really like Bullhead. It's a nice little town. Not overcrowded like Colorado Springs has become, at all. Very light traffic, reasonable prices on everything, low taxes, etc. The river offers a lot to do, with a lot of beaches and campgrounds all around it.   But yeah even though we've been over 110º-115º F just about every day,  I can handle it!  What I can't handle anymore, is snow and being cold. Just tired of it. Give me the desert over a blizzard any day!    
    • kat
      I'm at a weird stage in life right now.
    • kat
      Nope, we wasn't doing anything. I didn't want to go by myself.  I ended up doing karaoke here. It would of been a perfect day to go, though. 
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