Death in the family

[pomba gira]

My great-aunt passed away tonight and I'm very very sad 'cos I didn't get to her house in time. I should have stayed when I was there earlier... we brought her home from the hospital & got her put to bed & then I went home. I should have stayed, then I would've been with her at the end.

Aunt Myrt was my grandmother's sister & was like a grandma to me ... we lived around the corner from her when I was growing up & spent as much time at her house as ours. She has taken care of me one way or another my whole life... she is our matriarch and the strength of our family.

She was 88 and in failing health for the past year... they operated on her Tuesday to put a new dialysis port in her neck... & apparently all this junk was building up in her chest 'cos her neck muscles were too weak to cough it up... & tonite she just gagged it all up & then her heart stopped. I am trying very hard not to be angry w/the doctors for sending her home. They actually wanted to send her home Thursday but my aunt & I told them no way, she was too weak to even sit up by herself. I don't want to rip on the hospital tho 'cos the nurses & aides were all absolutely wonderful to her the whole time. But I can't help feeling they might have been able to do something if she'd been there.

So I feel really bad that I wasn't with her at the end... but I'm also glad I was here to help take care of her the past few months. And she was really happy to be home from the hospital today so that's good. One of the last things she said to me before I left was "I'm home, I'm home". So I headed back home & went to sleep & then my aunt called & said "I think you'd better come over here". And I hauled ass back out there but... not fast enough. So all I could do was wash her & put a clean gown on her & arrange her on the bed so she looked more peaceful. I think that would've made her happy, she was a very stylish & proper woman & would have hated anyone to see her sprawled out on the bed in a soiled gown with jump start leads plastered on her chest.

Little bit of strangeness... as I was driving over there down the long dark isolated road, what looked like a firefly zipped past the car & kind of tapped/bounced off the drivers window. Thought there would be glowy firefly goo on the window but there wasn't. Strange 'cos you don't usually see fireflies out on the road, they hang around in bushes. So who knows.

Anyway sorry to unload all this on y'all but I got no one here to say these things to so it's here or leave it unsaid... I guess I can't be strong or a hardass or whatever all the time. So thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this.

MYRTLE MARIEA CHRISTIE CALIMAN MOORE... 1917-2006

[Brenda Starrr]

Awww, Hille....

*hugs*

[Guest Megalicious]

=(

[Mikielikesit]

Remember death is just a transition my friend and it sound like she lived a long and happy life and had those around her who loved her. You should bare no ill will towards yourself you have been there for her and she was home and that is where she wanted to be. I won't get into what i believe but know you treated her with respect in life and in death and that is what is important. I feel for you in your time of sorrow, but be happy and rejoice that she was in your life and you had the operatunity and the honor to call her Aunt Myrt.

:innocent She has made it HOME :innocent

[bean]

*hugs* You can't beat yourself up for the "I should have." Even though you weren't there when she passed, you were there before and after with caring, love, and respect for her.

[Fierce Critter]

I can relate to you on this one.

We moved from Michigan to Florida in November, 1998. In January 1999, we got the news that my brother had very suddenly been discovered to have cancer, and things were not good.

Long story short, my dad was down there for some business, and I also had a sister living in Florida. We decided to all go back to Michigan with my dad in his van to see my brother. I left my newlywed husband behind to work, with the knowledge that I might have to go back in a few months for a funeral.

We took 2 days to get back, with one overnight stay in Kentucky. We got to my parents' house, sat down to eat some quick lunch with the intention of going to the hospital directly afterwards. It was then we got the call that my brother had died.

I had last seen him that previous November. My dad a couple weeks before heading to Florida. But my sister hadn't seen him in probably 8-10 years.

We all had a different degree of "guilt" for not having "been there" at the moment of his death. My mother even, who had seen him the night before, beat her breast at not being there when he passed. We all had some kind of regret.

But none of us have talked about it, and I think we should have. I'm lucky in that my last face-to-face with my brother was him smiling like the happiest man alive that his little sister went off and just went for it and married the guy I fell in love with. He was the only person in the family who smiled about it and said, "Good for you". That's my last memory of him.

My mother remembers him sick in a hospital bed. My father as well. I have no idea what went through the head of my sister who hadn't seen him in a decade.

If only. If only we hadn't stayed the night in Kentucky. If only traffic had been 1 hour better. If only we hadn't needed those damned sandwiches.

I myself was upset. For a long time. That I didn't get to see him 'that last time". But you know something - I did have my "last time" with him, and it was a very, very, very good one. Both of us were happy at that moment.

I don't think being there at that last breath is what's most important. I really feel that it's better to have had a GOOD last moment of some kind. I had that with that smile from my brother. You have the joy of knowing she was happy to be "home". That's priceless.

Hold onto that, dear. In time, I think you'll realize that to be the good in this.

And by the way, thank you for taking such good care of her. For caring - period. You're a good person for that.

[pomba gira]

Thanks to all of you for your kind words. It really means a lot.

I feel a bit better today. Aunt Myrt was the last survivor of her generation ... the youngest of 10 children and outlived all the others by at least 30 years. Almost all of her close friends have passed on. Even tho she was surrounded by loved ones in her final years, I know she missed the family & friends she was young with. So I am thinking how happy she must be with all of them again.

[AstralCrux]

I missed my grandpa's passing by about half an hour, but I could still feel his spirit (presence) in the room when I did see him as soon as I could get to the hospital. You did what you could do and that is the best thing for you and her. She'll never hold it against you- you had no idea. She knows you tried and that counts- alot.

[Brenda Starrr]

I didn't see my grandmother go. I was pregnant with Sierra, and she would not have wanted me there for that very reason. It didn't make it any easier, though.

[Homicidalheathen]

Hugz

[ManicQueen]

My condolences are with you and your family.

[pomba gira]

The funeral was yesterday and it was beautiful... everything was exactly the way Aunt Myrt would've liked it. I think the casket was the prettiest one I've ever seen... perfect for such a stylish woman. And she looked absolutely gorgeous, the funeral home people did an incredible job. There was no trace of the sickness and deterioration of her last months... she looked the way we all remember her.

Again, thanks for your kind words my friends. Fierce Critter I have really been thinking about your words in particular and you are so right. Before I left that day, my cousin Laurin' and I were sitting on the bed with Aunt Myrt... she'd been very upset over not being able to walk but she calmed down while I changed the dressing on her arm (where they removed the dialysis fistula & stapled the wound). I finished that & cleaned up, & we were just sitting & talking. Laurin's children ages 4 & 1 came in and climbed on the bed... Bella (the 4 yr old) really missed Aunt Myrt while she was in hospital & stayed close to her all day. I remember Aunt Myrt kept reaching out to touch little Mikey. That was when she said "I'm home, I'm home and my children are here". Then when I left she thanked me for taking care of her. So those were my "last moments" with Aunt Myrt and I don't think I could ask for better. I truly believe she would've wanted to spare me the distress of her passing, which was fairly quick but by all accounts not pretty. So thank you, FC, for helping me see the blessing in this. The touch of grace is always there, we just have to know how to look for it.

And... I'm pretty sure the "firefly" that tapped on my car window & then zipped away as I was racing back to the house, was Aunt Myrt's spirit saying farewell... & telling me to slow down before I rolled the Explorer or hit a deer on the dark country road. Looking out for her "Punkin' Babe" even as she was busy making her transition from the corporeal to pure spirit... that's Aunt Myrt all the way.

[Fierce Critter]

What beautiful thoughts. I'm glad I could bring you some peace of mind. {{{hug}}}