I Give In.

[DeadBurgerKing (10)]

I've been searching for the "perfect" girl for me...as some as you know...but...I give up...

This explains it perfectly...my myspace blog...

[Msterbeau]

Why does everyone think their perfect mate will show up in the first couple decades of their life???

Don't "search" for her, dude... You're wasting your time when you could be doing other, healthier and more productive activities. Just keep your eyes and mind open... someone cool and compatible will come along when you least expect it.

[Rayne]

Why does everyone think their perfect mate will show up in the first couple decades of their life???

Don't "search" for her, dude... You're wasting your time when you could be doing other, healthier and more productive activities. Just keep your eyes and mind open... someone cool and compatible will come along when you least expect it.

He's right.

[creatureofthenyte]

He's right.

I too, hope he is right, as I find myself in a similar point in my life. I haven't given up, but I am also not holding my breath either. I'm just workin towards achieving some goals I've set and beyond that, whatever happens, happens....

[Homicidalheathen]

I'm just sick of it. I give up. I'm obviously not good enough to get I what I want. But, I'm not going to settle either. So...I'm going to be alone for a long time. But then again, that's good...less chance I'll ever get hurt like I did that one time...the time that completly devastated me and took me a year and a half to get over. I can't risk my health again like that...not again...

This part........I am obviously not good enough to get what I want. Well, I am not handicapped but I feel the same way.....I decided to not be so picky and settled. It isn't all bad. Actually its pretty good. You say you want these hotty chicks that are shallow? Then try for someone not so hot who isn't shallow.

You think its so different for you......I hear the same complaint from good looking tall guys with whatever it is you think your lacking....so its not just you. I think we all feel this way.....it is natural to like pretty things.....but warm giving hearts are worth so much more.

[phee]

I can attest to this as well... I wasn't looking for Ryane, she wasn't looking for me... we were both in situations that were directly opposed to finding anyone, I was engaged and living with my fiance, she was separated but still married, and we lived a good 45 minutes from each other, and she was "with" someone at the time...

And yet, there we were... we started talking... and yeah

[Steven]

good partners are developed as much as they are found.

you start with potential and willinngess and then do your best with what you've got.

[Ash Sangre]

*Hugs*

We all go through this in some point in time, i was alone for quite a while. Debating to ever date again, but no matter what you seem to think of yourself, there will be someone who sees you as the perfect person. So chin up babe.

we can chat anytime you know that:)

[Onyx]

I've tried to keep my mouth shut and not reply to this thread - after all, who am I to give advice? I have made my mistakes though, and looking back I think if someone had given ME advice at the right time I might not have ended up in some of the crappy relationships I suffered through. I've had some wonderful relationships too and the difference is amazing. I think the common thing in the good ones is respect. Let me say that again -- mutual RESPECT. (Now I've got that song stuck in my head).

I've been searching for the "perfect" girl for me...as some as you know...but...I give up...

This explains it perfectly...my myspace blog...

I'm sure you know this, but a perfect girl you will never find. Doesn't exist, and even when you think you've found her, just watch what happens after you marry or live together --- oops! All your faults and all her faults show themselves, and then is where real love comes in or you find that it wasn't really love after all.

I think the only remedy for that is time - take your time and go slowly while you get to know a person.

Why does everyone think their perfect mate will show up in the first couple decades of their life???

Don't "search" for her, dude... You're wasting your time when you could be doing other, healthier and more productive activities. Just keep your eyes and mind open... someone cool and compatible will come along when you least expect it.

So very true - except I don't think everyone necessarily will find that. Better to live your life fully every day whether or not you have someone to share it with because it could be this is the only chance we get. Life is short and every single day is precious, so everyone make something special of your days. Like Critter once said - I want to eat fun food and wear fun clothes. Life can be good with or without a partner.

I'm just sick of it. I give up. I'm obviously not good enough to get I what I want. But, I'm not going to settle either. So...I'm going to be alone for a long time. But then again, that's good...less chance I'll ever get hurt like I did that one time...the time that completly devastated me and took me a year and a half to get over. I can't risk my health again like that...not again...

This part........I am obviously not good enough to get what I want. Well, I am not handicapped but I feel the same way.....I decided to not be so picky and settled. It isn't all bad. Actually its pretty good. You say you want these hotty chicks that are shallow? Then try for someone not so hot who isn't shallow.

You think its so different for you......I hear the same complaint from good looking tall guys with whatever it is you think your lacking....so its not just you. I think we all feel this way.....it is natural to like pretty things.....but warm giving hearts are worth so much more.

That is so very true, and excellent advice- nothing can compare to a giving, warm heart.

I worry about you, HH - I hope you don't get offended by what I'm about to say, but since you posted this on a public board -- You talk about being hurt, but I doubt anyone will ever find a man or woman who would date a married woman, open relationship or not, who would give you the same respect and love you would find if you were single and free to devote yourself totally to one person.

I have been through the breakup of a 17 year marriage and believe me, I know how hard it is to face the fact that things are over and to move on. Maybe you two could still work things out with counseling, or maybe you can't but why continue to do this to yourself? You seem unhappy - loving someone in spite of their faults is very different than considering yourself "settling". It's not fair to your partner and not fair to you. I would hate to be with someone who thought they were "settling" for me.

To hell with that! If my partner doesn't adore me above anyone else then I'll be alone and live alone. I hope things work out for you for the best, no matter what you decide.

good partners are developed as much as they are found.

you start with potential and willinngess and then do your best with what you've got.

This is so very true, and something I'm seeing more and more. Besides, if you got the perfect person, exactly what you ordered you might miss out on some very interesting things. One of the things I've enjoyed most about even meeting new friends is being exposed to new activities, music, movies I would have never explored on my own.

Besides, if she likes you enough she might be willing to try out some of those fun clothes and hairstyles, even if she doesn't dress that way at first, and why not? A lot of ladies love new fashions and ideas.

OK, now that I've made everyone hate me, I'll shut up!

[Head Wreck]

in my experience. love never fits the job aplication

the ones i have loved the most have been quite the contrary to my ideal

[Msterbeau]

good partners are developed as much as they are found.

you start with potential and willinngess and then do your best with what you've got.

True that.

The chemistry in the significant relationships in my life have been pretty obvious right from the start.. but you have to be willing to compromise and learn in order for it to become something truly special. Conversely, you need to recognize when there are fundamental things wrong that can be missed by that new-relationship haze.

[Msterbeau]

Good advice here. All of it from us old farts... :-)

I kid.

[kellygrrrrrl]

Well, DBK......

sometimes its the one you least expect....the one whos been there all along.

sometimes they come into your life out of nowhere.

sometimes they come back after a while....

you just never know.

You're a sweet guy with a great sense of humor, a big heart and a sincere smile.

But you're YOUNG. YOUNG YOUNG YOUNG.

you got time. I'd use it to do stuff you need to do....

School? Education? Phys. Rehabilitation for your condition? Find a job perhaps?

You got all sorts of time hunny.....

(OH...and BTW, sorry I didn't make it to your party.....

I haven't been making it ANYWHERE the last few weeks and for the up and coming few weeks due to my financial situation...

I'll be in hiding until after the holidays I suspect.......It's been a rough few months *sigh*

=( )

[Draco1958]

I can empathize about wanting to find someone. I can also empathize about giving up searching. Reason being that what everyone else said is true. The more you try to find someone and don't, the harder you try and that can scare a woman off sometimes. Now I haven't given up on finding someone tho. Now I am just gonna let things happen on their own. If it's meant to be it will happen. I took a hard look at myself and realized I wasn't just searching, I was desperately searching. Not a good way to do things. It's not easy but just be yourself and let nature take over. If it's meant to be you will find that special someone without having to search. They will find you. Been told that enough times that I think it's time I listened to my friends.

[Head Wreck]

i take offence to the term old farts.

my farts are very fresh and ripe i tell you

[Homicidalheathen]

I would leave if I were healthy enough.....but for what? A guy that will cheat on me like this one but is broke on top of it? No thanks. I just dumped one like that.

I don't honestly believe in any one person for anyone but that we make the best of what we have.....and I do think all men cheat....thats just me. I think they are programmed to by nature. So I will stay in a unhappy marriage because its better than being alone when your sick......get my kids college paid for....and probably die young of colon cancer. Who cares.

I've tried to keep my mouth shut and not reply to this thread - after all, who am I to give advice? I have made my mistakes though, and looking back I think if someone had given ME advice at the right time I might not have ended up in some of the crappy relationships I suffered through. I've had some wonderful relationships too and the difference is amazing. I think the common thing in the good ones is respect. Let me say that again -- mutual RESPECT. (Now I've got that song stuck in my head).

I'm sure you know this, but a perfect girl you will never find. Doesn't exist, and even when you think you've found her, just watch what happens after you marry or live together --- oops! All your faults and all her faults show themselves, and then is where real love comes in or you find that it wasn't really love after all.

I think the only remedy for that is time - take your time and go slowly while you get to know a person.

So very true - except I don't think everyone necessarily will find that. Better to live your life fully every day whether or not you have someone to share it with because it could be this is the only chance we get. Life is short and every single day is precious, so everyone make something special of your days. Like Critter once said - I want to eat fun food and wear fun clothes. Life can be good with or without a partner.

That is so very true, and excellent advice- nothing can compare to a giving, warm heart.

I worry about you, HH - I hope you don't get offended by what I'm about to say, but since you posted this on a public board -- You talk about being hurt, but I doubt anyone will ever find a man or woman who would date a married woman, open relationship or not, who would give you the same respect and love you would find if you were single and free to devote yourself totally to one person.

I have been through the breakup of a 17 year marriage and believe me, I know how hard it is to face the fact that things are over and to move on. Maybe you two could still work things out with counseling, or maybe you can't but why continue to do this to yourself? You seem unhappy - loving someone in spite of their faults is very different than considering yourself "settling". It's not fair to your partner and not fair to you. I would hate to be with someone who thought they were "settling" for me.

To hell with that! If my partner doesn't adore me above anyone else then I'll be alone and live alone. I hope things work out for you for the best, no matter what you decide.

This is so very true, and something I'm seeing more and more. Besides, if you got the perfect person, exactly what you ordered you might miss out on some very interesting things. One of the things I've enjoyed most about even meeting new friends is being exposed to new activities, music, movies I would have never explored on my own.

Besides, if she likes you enough she might be willing to try out some of those fun clothes and hairstyles, even if she doesn't dress that way at first, and why not? A lot of ladies love new fashions and ideas.

OK, now that I've made everyone hate me, I'll shut up!

[Rayne]

I can attest to this as well... I wasn't looking for Ryane, she wasn't looking for me... we were both in situations that were directly opposed to finding anyone, I was engaged and living with my fiance, she was separated but still married, and we lived a good 45 minutes from each other, and she was "with" someone at the time...

And yet, there we were... we started talking... and yeah

Very true. I was still married, but separated and dating someone else when I met Phee.

I wasn't looking for him at all ... but it kinda happened anyway.

He was engaged and living with someone else. I highly doubt he was looking for me either.

We were married a year and a day exactly after we first met in person.

[Homicidalheathen]

Your story actually gives me hope, life has made me a rather bitter person when it comes to the subject of romantic love....I dont know If I think peeps should be monogomous....I read some peoples brains develop more in favor of it and somes dont and that there are more women than men that way but you know scientists.....always trying to explain everything.

Then there is all this talk of love chemicals effecting us and it wears off so maybe its nothing.

I know I had a rather spiritual experience once as a result of being in an open relationship but someone recently told me I need to move on and evolve and not stay in the same place mentally all the time hoping the past good experiences repeat themselves but to move on and look for new ones and keep growing and I think he is right, I mean here I am eating meat again and I never thought I would.

[Steven]

this things about compatibility........I think it's widely misunderstood.

compatibility is a willful action. Make yourself compatible. Same thing goes for sexuality. Make yourself a good match. Yes there are certain ideals that are important, and sometimes someone drops out of the sky unexpectedly that has the ability to shake you.....those things are important too. But I dont think that many people really put alot of effort into self examination and the consideration of whethr or not they are a good partner themselves, ie...."worthy" (hate to use that term) of that which they seek. And people get hurt, everybody has been hurt, and most of us have done our fair share of hurting others. But you get one shot at this life, so when you see something worth the risk, move on it.

[The Void]

there is no perfect mate.

In fact, sometimes those who are 'perfect' for us challenge us most.

[The Void]

One other thing...

I have had many guy friends over the years that had "nice guy" syndrome where they just could not understand why this and that happened to them and why so and so girls never got into them yada yada- you get the picture.

Most of the time these guys often looked at the wrong kind of women for themselves. They were asttracted to types that completed them on a subconscious level, but who were out of their league entirely in that those types of women would be bored with them in five seconds if they ever got to an actual date.

I'm not saying this to be cruel, I'm saying it from many real-life experiences. Often life is trying to tell us something but sometimes it needs to scream it at us really loudly before we wake the fuck up, get the message, understand it and integrate it. Until WE change our beliefs, patterns and do what life is pointing so blatantly in our faces, it never works.

Even women...I've seen many cases where women go after the asshole guy and are never happy. I was one of these women and I had to change my point of view, I had to learn something valuable, I had to change what I was doing, how I was thinking and then life delivered me my greatest challenge yet in life, but it is so far the greatest love I have ever had.

I really do hope you get what you want in your future, but it all starts with massive self examination and finally figuring out what life/the universe/the All is telling you that you haven't gotten yet.

[creatureofthenyte]

One other thing...

I have had many guy friends over the years that had "nice guy" syndrome where they just could not understand why this and that happened to them and why so and so girls never got into them yada yada- you get the picture.

What do you say to a guy that's been told by women he's met, that he seems like a great and wonderful guy & all, yet that particular woman that he may be talking to at the time still isnt interested despite this alleged wondefulness ?

Also, I don't know why, but when I think about dating these days, it feels like I have to, in a sense, sell myself to whoever the lady is, like I'm a car or somethin. And if she isn't "buyin it", then I'm screwed.

See? that's the whole thing right there; interest.

If the two people involved aren't equally interested in each other, then, their individual qualities(i.e. looks, etc.) don't mean shit.

I love women and all, but it just blows my mind that a person, man or woman, could put soo much effort into getting involved with someone, and if the someone decides they aren't interested, then all that effort goes down the drain.

[DeadBurgerKing (10)]

I'm just sick of it. I give up. I'm obviously not good enough to get I what I want. But, I'm not going to settle either. So...I'm going to be alone for a long time. But then again, that's good...less chance I'll ever get hurt like I did that one time...the time that completly devastated me and took me a year and a half to get over. I can't risk my health again like that...not again...

This part........I am obviously not good enough to get what I want. Well, I am not handicapped but I feel the same way.....I decided to not be so picky and settled. It isn't all bad. Actually its pretty good. You say you want these hotty chicks that are shallow? Then try for someone not so hot who isn't shallow.

You think its so different for you......I hear the same complaint from good looking tall guys with whatever it is you think your lacking....so its not just you. I think we all feel this way.....it is natural to like pretty things.....but warm giving hearts are worth so much more.

No, u misunderstand...she doesnt need to be "hot"..I just find the whole "cyber goth" look very attractive...i mean sure being pretty is a plus...but personality and compatibility comes 1st to me...i mean it'd be great if i could hook up with someone that wears that sort of thing, she doesnt need to be a "hotty" though...she could be what alot would describe as "ugly" but if she had a great personality and i found myself liking her and just her it would shape what my eyes see...u know?

[DeadBurgerKing (10)]

This is all real good advice...this is why I put these things on this board...everyone pitches in very wise and smart advice...and I thank you all...I think just giving up 4 the time being is a good idea...focus on more important things, like kelly said...thanks again everyone...

Besides, if she likes you enough she might be willing to try out some of those fun clothes and hairstyles, even if she doesn't dress that way at first, and why not? A lot of ladies love new fashions and ideas.

OK, now that I've made everyone hate me, I'll shut up!

Now I have a question about that and :

compatibility is a willful action. Make yourself compatible. Same thing goes for sexuality. Make yourself a good match. Yes there are certain ideals that are important, and sometimes someone drops out of the sky unexpectedly that has the ability to shake you.....those things are important too. But I dont think that many people really put alot of effort into self examination and the consideration of whethr or not they are a good partner themselves, ie...."worthy" (hate to use that term) of that which they seek. And people get hurt, everybody has been hurt, and most of us have done our fair share of hurting others. But you get one shot at this life, so when you see something worth the risk, move on it.

If I asked her to dress that way wouldn't I be asking her to change her self for me? Or "making myself compatible", I'd be changing myself for her. Which I always viewed asking someone to change themselves for you as wrong. Isn't it?

[BrassFusion]

If I asked her to dress that way wouldn't I be asking her to change her self for me? Or "making myself compatible", I'd be changing myself for her. Which I always viewed asking someone to change themselves for you as wrong. Isn't it?

When you date the right person, oftentimes you start to share interest and style naturally, even subconsciously.