Lonely...

[GOREgeouslyDecorated]

Why can I never find someone who'll treat me right? Seriously... I cook, I clean, I give damn good lovin's, I'm honest, faithful, caring, supportive... why do I always end up with psychos or people who feel the need to emotionally abuse me? Or if I do find someone half-way decent they're WAY clingy and/or become unhealthly obsessed with me and in turn become controlling? Why can I NEVER find someone who I can have a NORMAL relationship with? Is it me? Do I attract weirdos? Damn it... I give up...

[AntiHero]

Believe me dear, I know exactly where you're coming from on this one. You are not alone.

[Der Nister]

You just described my last two gf's - so it's not just you. Wish I had an answer to give but I gave up trying to figure it out.

[Nienna]

LOL This sounds SOOOOO familiar!

[Nevaeh]

i've said those same exact words a million times...i fell ya chickie

[GOREgeouslyDecorated]

YAY!! I feel a little better knowing that I'm not the only one who has to deal with crazies - thanx guys ::hugs::

[Der Nister]

There's nothing more soothing than taking pleasure in other peoples pain.

[glc]

Don't give up, I'd treat you right, only I'm a few thousand miles away so it probably wouldn't work!

I know what you mean but, I would do anything for the people I am involved with but somehow It just doesn't seem to work.

[n0Mad]

YAY!! I feel a little better knowing that I'm not the only one who has to deal with crazies - thanx guys ::hugs::

And from both sexes too. You pretty much described me.

[Steven]

we are treated only as we allow ourselves to be treated.....

[DarkVampire]

Why can I never find someone who'll treat me right? Seriously... I cook, I clean, I give damn good lovin's, I'm honest, faithful, caring, supportive... why do I always end up with psychos or people who feel the need to emotionally abuse me? Or if I do find someone half-way decent they're WAY clingy and/or become unhealthly obsessed with me and in turn become controlling? Why can I NEVER find someone who I can have a NORMAL relationship with? Is it me? Do I attract weirdos? Damn it... I give up...

I wonder about the same thing myself.

[Steven]

I wonder about the same thing myself.

...and so I say again: we are treated only as we allow ourselves to be treated....(there's a theme here people)

[Msterbeau]

we are treated only as we allow ourselves to be treated.....

Yup. Often you need to look within yourself first to see what signals you give others. Some people form good habits early on in life... some of us learn a little later from our experiences.

[Nevaeh]

Yup. Often you need to look within yourself first to see what signals you give others. Some people form good habits early on in life... some of us learn a little later from our experiences.

this is true and very good advice...it took me a while (i'm a late learner and stubborn) but i believe i have changed what i needed to change in myself...and i recognize with a quickness potential jerks and crazies.

[Zenji]

Some people just take too many things for granted. If you cook and clean then some folks get used to it and disregard it. Same for everything else. Sometimes it's when you treat them right consistently that they come to expect it in such a way that they eventually ignore it and start looking for something or someone else.

However, the problem seems to be that recognizing this behaviour doesn't necessarily mean you'll avoid it. Some people are magnets for such behaviour. No matter how much you complain about it you always find yourself in the same situation. Sometimes (like Steven was saying) we just take a relationship and shape it into the situation we hate the most. Not because we're crazy ourselves, just because that's how we take things for granted.

[Steven]

Some people just take too many things for granted. If you cook and clean then some folks get used to it and disregard it. Same for everything else. Sometimes it's when you treat them right consistently that they come to expect it in such a way that they eventually ignore it and start looking for something or someone else.

However, the problem seems to be that recognizing this behaviour doesn't necessarily mean you'll avoid it. Some people are magnets for such behaviour. No matter how much you complain about it you always find yourself in the same situation. Sometimes (like Steven was saying) we just take a relationship and shape it into the situation we hate the most. Not because we're crazy ourselves, just because that's how we take things for granted.

every relationship should have some clear "rules", or standards per se.

for example in my home - we do not disrespect one another intentionally, regardless of the sitch.

Someone who simply takes you for granted and then moves onward into a false sense of expectation has really just exhibited good old fashioned selfishness no?

Sometiems we all fall into that place, and become selfish ourselves...

If your recognizing somethign you dont like, you call it for what it is.

If you have value to yoru partner - he/she will consider that which makes you uncomfortable.

If they dont - they dont value you.

If you stay in that situation - YOU dont value you, and you repeat your history.

And if I dont even value ME....how in the world can I expect to be repsected?

get it?

[kellygrrrrrl]

Yup. Often you need to look within yourself first to see what signals you give others. Some people form good habits early on in life... some of us learn a little later from our experiences.

Aint that the truth....

I'm a late learner.....

I hate that.....

[Steven]

Aint that the truth....

I'm a late learner.....

I hate that.....

Oh hunny, all you need is a Britzki and you'll feel just fine.....

[Homicidalheathen]

Hey I hold the title for 'magnet for strange' damnit! No but seriously I think sometimes we get in patterns in our life....ruts sort of because there is an issue we need to come to terms with..even if it is being stronger, learning not to take crap.....

Why can I never find someone who'll treat me right? Seriously... I cook, I clean, I give damn good lovin's, I'm honest, faithful, caring, supportive... why do I always end up with psychos or people who feel the need to emotionally abuse me? Or if I do find someone half-way decent they're WAY clingy and/or become unhealthly obsessed with me and in turn become controlling? Why can I NEVER find someone who I can have a NORMAL relationship with? Is it me? Do I attract weirdos? Damn it... I give up...

[GOREgeouslyDecorated]

the comment about being treated only the way you allow yourself to be treated - I think I just have a tendency to be too nice I guess... I think I just need to learn to be a bitch... but only in the sense of drawing boundries - there's this book I've been reading called "Why Men Love Bitches" - does open my eyes to alot of things

[BrassFusion]

I'm pretty sure that goes for women liking men, too. I HATE obsequious guys. When a guy does everything for you, plans his life around yours, never dissents, it's dishonest, in a way. It makes you wonder if he's really happy in the relationship.

[GOREgeouslyDecorated]

Oh I totally agree - I've had a few clingy guys like that - that are pretty much like lost puppies... LOL

[glc]

I don't know, it's a tough call. I wouldn't call myself obsesive, but I definitely do everything I can for someone that I love. I wouldn't trade my ambition for a lover, if they demand that you do then it's time to move on. But I don't think it is bad to have your lover in mind when thinking about the future, otherwise why be with them if you can't see a future with them? Does that make sense?

[BrassFusion]

I don't know, it's a tough call. I wouldn't call myself obsesive, but I definitely do everything I can for someone that I love. I wouldn't trade my ambition for a lover, if they demand that you do then it's time to move on. But I don't think it is bad to have your lover in mind when thinking about the future, otherwise why be with them if you can't see a future with them? Does that make sense?

Well yeah. I'd consider moving out-of-state to be with someone I really loved, but I wouldn't consider turning down a symphony gig or something else once-in-a-career-lifetime.

[n0Mad]

I don't know, it's a tough call. I wouldn't call myself obsesive, but I definitely do everything I can for someone that I love. I wouldn't trade my ambition for a lover, if they demand that you do then it's time to move on. But I don't think it is bad to have your lover in mind when thinking about the future, otherwise why be with them if you can't see a future with them? Does that make sense?

Makes sense to me. I've been accused of being obsessive before but one of those exes who left me because she thought I was obsessive eventually came back after she realized that it was simply unbridled passion. People say I have a lot of hobbies, but that's not true: I have passions.

~ Back in high school when a friend and I got into rock climbing, we sewed our own slings and used bits of 2x4, a saber saw, and a belt sander to make our own holds and bolted them to the rafters in his basement.

~ When that same friend and I started smoking pipes, we attempted to hand carve our own.

~ After I got really good with a bullwhip and had a matched pair custom made for me out of nylon, I saw what top quality a nylon whip can really be. So, I bought a book on whip making and a 500ft. spool of nylon paracord and learned how to make snake whips. It took me until #3 to really get a professional looking one.

~ As a mentalist I'll spend $150 on a single DVD that teaches ONE move. Not even a full effect, just one simple move. But I don't even question the purchase because I'm that serious about the art.

~ When I bought my drum set I stripped off the mylar, sanded down the wood, gave it numerous coats of laquer, replaced a bunch of hardware, and got all new heads for it. The drumset was perfectly fine as is, but I wanted it to be mine. Something I sweat over.

~ As a singer I'm not just content with being good. I want to know everything. So I learned how to yodel.

I could go on but I'm sure you get the point. I've very passionate about everything I do. When I date a woman I don't do it half-assed. I put all the passion I have into that relationship. Most women can't handle that though and leave me because they say I'm obsessive. That's just the way I am. It's up to you to decide if you want to see the glass as half full or half empty.