I Hate December And Christmas.

[Homicidalheathen]

Every since I can remember. Being the outcast in school.....being afraid at home...coming back from Christmas vacation to see all the 'normal' kids talk about how wonderful it was for them and realizing my family pretty much sucked and wasn't 'normal'. Wishing I was one of the kids that had a big nice house and normal parents with money for all those cool toys.

Being out on my own and being cold and hungry.....not making enough money for a decent Christmas and yet not poor or disabled enough for welfare.......but still too sick to work enough hours to put food on the table....

Once I had to go back to an ex boyfriend who beat me because I needed knee surgery......we had spagetti that yr. Thats all we had. A pot of spagetti. No tree, nothing. And I was on crutches and living in a trailer with nothing but a tiny space heater for heat. We lived in a small town with no jobs......I couldn't even feed my dog every day.

I was lucky a neighbor gave us the spagetti.

Another time I lost my job 2 weeks before christmas and my parents totally forgot about me. My sister and grandma sent me presents but they were stolen by my landlady who was a crook. I even called the post office and they said they had delivered them to her so there was nothing they could do and I coulnd't afford a lawyer.

Now this yr. Our buiness isn't doing so good now. We just got ripped off for about 5 grand from someone who was supposed to get us all this work.....well he lied, big surprise there. We have one job left and its almost over. I had promised my kids I would be able to pay for their college but now it looks like they will have to stay here and work their way through. At least I didn't kick them out at 15 like my parents did.

At least they didn't have to go live with some drug dealer for a place to stay and nothing to eat all winter but Moose meat. Yah, that was a good year.

I wanted to go back to college myself because I can't stand on my feet all day any more so the cometology liscence is pretty much useless now because of my knee problems.

I spent all day in the bathroom the other day because of my diverticulitis and colitis and no boss will put up with that.

We got the medical bills payed off but I still owe a ton of debt and don't know what to do.

I always hook up with men who lie, cheat and treat me like crap and don't seem to have the strength to do better. Maybe I just have such a low self esteem I don't think I can do any better, not sure. All I know Is I am tired of feeling cheated on and heart broken at Christmas.

I hate the way the holiday is all about spending.....I go out and people are rude, pushy and selfish. Spending money on all these stupid blow up lawn ornaments instead of giving to rescue missions. At least we try and give what we can afford.

It isn't about warmth.....the sun making its way across the sky....bountiful hunts....

Its all about getting stuff or buying stuff and showing off money.

Every time I walk into a place I hear the same old crap being piped through the speakers. It does not put me in the 'spirit of the season'. I honestly want to blow the speakers up.

We are taking the last of the money we have and taking the kids to Disney. At least I am keeping that promise. But the trip is so expensive now we can't afford gifts. So this is our gift. Which is great...

But....I have one kid I know is down for me......she would stick by me I know because when I get sick she always takes care of me. The other one doesn't seem to care about much except material things. All she wants to do is go shopping and worry about her hair and eyeliner.

Even when we were first together it was hard this time of year. Something always goes wrong that makes it hard to buy presents for everyone. My car would break down, the washing machine broke one year......another year my dryer caught fire.

And still yet another year right before Christmas my refriderator broke but it was cold enough outside to put the food out. The only good thing about living in a cold state if you ask me.

And yet another year when I was young and single and could afford an apartment and food......but didn't have heat or electricity so I had to take cold showers then run and jump under the covers to warm up.

Then there are a few reletives who married into money and did quite well and they seem to like to show off this time of year......buying things that are just to outrageous and extravagent that everyone notices..I really would get more out of a hand made gift that thought and time went into.

I don't know what it is about December but it's always been the worst month for me......its dark.......cold....and depressing.

I hate malls and all the greedyness of it. Neighbors don't say HI to each other anymore....people road rage in a hurry to go out and spend mo money mo money.....

I don't see much Christmas spirit out there really.....it just seems to be all about the money.

Lately the only time anyone calls me is if they want a ride or for me to spend money on drinks or whatever....I don't feel I have many true friends.

Don't have money for drinks so I doubt I will be invited out much now.

At least I have my own family and won't be alone.....

When I was single and estranged from my family this was the worst time of year. Most of my friends had someone to share it with or some place to go......I spent the holiday alone on my couch in my apartment. But when I turn on the TV I can't escape it.....Christmas shows and commercials on every channel.

I have had so many Christmasses without gifts.....or anyone to share it with......its better than that but I still hate the way its all about showing off your money now.

I see these tiny houses around here where these people spend a whole mortgage payment worth of money just on Christmas lights...its rediculous.

[bean]

I can relate - this time of year is unpleasant for me too. So much of what you said rings true about what the holiday has turned into. All I can say is that the people who really care about you and are worth having in your life will understand if you can't buy them some material thing. Gifts mean so much more when there is genuine thought and caring put into them rather than the monetary value of the thing.

I always hook up with men who lie, cheat and treat me like crap and don't seem to have the strength to do better. Maybe I just have such a low self esteem I don't think I can do any better, not sure.

The story of my life - or it used to be. You deserve better. It's hard to tell yourself that (believe me, I know), and sometimes it takes someone special to make you see that you deserve to have someone who cares for you and treats you right.

Lately the only time anyone calls me is if they want a ride or for me to spend money on drinks or whatever....I don't feel I have many true friends.

Don't have money for drinks so I doubt I will be invited out much now.

Do you really want people like this in your life anyway? To hell with them. You want people in your life that like you for you - not what you can buy them or give them, or how much money/material things you have.

[creatureofthenyte]

Gosh, I don't know if my thoughts really fit this thread but let's see. My heart goes out to people that have had bad experiences and therefore hate Christmas. I'm no Rockafeller by any means, but I guess I've been very lucky to have what I have . I don't take any of it for granted. I know full well that it all could be gone in the blink of an eye. This might sound corny, but if you have hope, then there is always a chance to make things better for yourself.(I keep telling myself this when I feel down).

[JaneDead]

...

[GreggZero]

The last few years have been bad for me too. I've worked in the landcaping biz since I was 18. I got a job where my friends worked , it was fun , we got unemployment in the winter and cash to plow snow. Made out pretty well all concidering. Then this wave of IMMIGRUNTS came into michigan and they would take half as much an hour for a job that was actually not that bad paying. My boss found reasons to fire everyone who'd been working for him , just to hire the GRUNTS. Now I have my own Biz, but I can't lay myself off for the winter and call MARVIN. So I have to put cash away, that always seems to run out. I've had to find odd jobs to do to get by sometimes. SO I don't know what I'm getting at now, just I guess it sucks all'round.

[honeymustard02]

This year seems to bite for a lot of people.

Right now I am going to be spending this x-mas a 1000miles away from my family (no joke it's really that far) and alone.

I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago, so I seriously am pretty much by myself this year.

The past few years have sucked because his family doesn't do much for the holidays.

But yes you're not alone in disliking the holidays. At least this year for me anyway.

[DarkVampire]

Holidays like Christmas mean nothing to me. If it wasn't for my parents and sister, I would have nothing to do with it.

[AntiHero]

Generally feel shitty about this time of year too. Dated a few real bitches (thank God that didn't go anywhere) who bring about sour memories of this time of year. Also had deaths in the family. Beginning to feel real bad because been hit by layoffs, my current job doesn't pay enough. Can't do a lot of shopping this year. It's really messed up when you feel you have to spend to maintain some imaginary, shit status quo. I know the family understands, but....

My heart goes out to all you Heathen, and everyone else who doesn't care for the season.

[Hellion]

Generally feel shitty about this time of year too. Dated a few real bitches (thank God that didn't go anywhere) who bring about sour memories of this time of year. Also had deaths in the family. Beginning to feel real bad because been hit by layoffs, my current job doesn't pay enough. Can't do a lot of shopping this year. It's really messed up when you feel you have to spend to maintain some imaginary, shit status quo. I know the family understands, but....

My heart goes out to all you Heathen, and everyone else who doesn't care for the season.

I pretty much agree with you on this one,the idea that the more you spend the more the gift means.I cannot stand anyone who goes by this crap.I myself go by the thought of giving not the amount the gift cost.

[GOREgeouslyDecorated]

I feel your pain beautiful - I cant tell you how often I picture a beautiful house with a white picket fence and a tire swing on the tree in the front yard in hopes of at least 'looking' like I had a normal home life - hang in there - much luv

[AstralCrux]

I guess I'm not quite as tainted for the holidays, but I've generally slowed down on the celebration because I don't talk to many family members anymore. The thing is, you don't have to spend tons of money on gifts- I've made all mine for about 10 years now. One year I was pressed for time and bought presents- had some sad faces that year.

Seems that there are a handful of people who are having a tough time this year or that are missing going to gatherings. I'd host something, but I had to move in with my mom to take care of medical bills. Just doing a DGNish potluck thing for the people that want a holiday party might not be a bad idea. Could even do a $10 gift exchange or something.

[Steven]

And so where does all of this negativity end?

I ask because we've all had bad experiences, yet we seem to want to stigmatize the season by attatching those expereinces to it. With that logic then I should do hte following:

1) Hate all 2x4's, garden tools, hoses, and workboots because my father beat me and my brothers bloody with all of the above until I left home at 15.

2) Hate all people of all nationalities, genders, and creeds because SO many people saw my father abuse us for years and yet never interceded.

3) Hate all mothers because mine split the scene before I was 2 years old and I never knew her until I was 15.

4) Hate summertime because a freak satanist from the Hollywood hills broke into our home, tried to kill ritualistically murder my mother, killed her dog and spread its blood and entrails all over the walls and down the hallway.

5) hate all police because they did not want to prosecute the crime for the nature that it was and instead made it a burglary because freaky deaky crimes did not happen in their rich and shiny little town

6) Hate all rich and shiny little towns because of what happened in that one.

7) Hate evenings of any day of the week because my OD's all happened at nite

8) Hate the military, my current veteran status and America in general because of this whole Middle Eastern debacle

9) hate white people for calling me a fucking mexican

10) hate all mexicans for calling me a wannabe white boy

11) Hate God for letting me be born into the circumstances that I was.

12) hate all people that allegedly love god for loving a God that allowed me to be born into the circumstances that I was

13) hate black people because I had to work LA in my service truck when the rodney king thing went down and everything was on fire and trust me kid's that WILL make you a bit nervous

14) hate Pagans and Occultists because they are not like me

15) hate christians for hating me for not hating occiltists and pagans who are not like me

16) hate thin people because hey - I just aint

17) hate young people because hey - I just aint

18) Hate rich people because hey - I just aint

I could go on and on and on......

we choose what we attatch ourselves to.

yes many thigns are out of our control, but when we carry all of that scar tissue with us willfully and refuse to deal with it then all we are doing is bearing gruesome cargo.

[Brenda Starrr]

Well, damn.....

*Hugs Steven*

Despite the over-commercialism of the holidays (excuse me if this ISN'T a word. It is today), I'm actually excited about it this year. I've been through PLENTY of shit that was totally and completely wrong. But, my kids and I still stand. And we will continue to stand. Life is just what you make it. And I'm making mine.....MINE. I won't let bad things rule my life anymore.

December and Christmas did nothing to you. It's just bad timing. Time to buck up and get through it.

[DarkVampire]

I don't know about anyone else, but I am quite comfortable in my self pitying, depressive state of mind.

Not really but thats life. I'll deal with it now like I have the past 12 years.

[Homicidalheathen]

I am trying to stay positive but wonder sometimes about this month.....really......its also the same month I started to get deathly ill in a few years ago...

I saw a albino squirrel and thought it was a sign of a good yule to come but maybe it was an omen.....because it like me, was getting beat up and pushed around at the time by a different kind of squirrel.....it almost got knocked out of the tree.

I just think its wierd because this is the first albino anything I have ever seen in the wild and it was in the tree right outside my family members house after thanks giving dinner.

And then last night some shit went down that really drove home my old saying....

'Used, abused.....and never choosed.' This is a saying I made up in my 20's about my fate that still seems to ring true today.

Because I went to a few friends houses and at the end of the night noticed I had money missing out of my wallet.

Sometime I do think.....if there is a god or goddess......then maybe life is like a monopoly board and we are all just here for entertainment and I am the unlucky joker because thats how things always go in my life......I feel like a fool for fodder. Someone or thing is having allot of fun watching me suffer.

But then I see all the starving kids on the Chirstian childrens fund commercials and know it could be worse.....

I have a sponsor child in another country.....hearing about how just 20 bucks helped bring his whole village water or food makes me feel better but...

The way the world is going I wonder if everything isn't ready to just collapse soon. It seems so unbalenced I don't know how much longer it can go on like this.

You go to the store and buy something nice for a few bucks. But it was made in another country. Why? Because they can get some poor 12 yr old to do it for 3 cents an hour. This is all possible because ruler of said country holds down his own.....in the process.....the big fat cat gets mo money mo money and so does big buisness owner who utilizes the laws to his advantage and takes advantage, of the small people who are too worried about their families going hungry to even be able to go to school......instead they work in a sweat shop just to not starve.....

All the while more jobs are gone over seas because big buisness owner is so greedy and selfish.....riding high on his yaht.....

How do some people get born into a life of privilege and others a life of suffering......I wonder. It doesn't all seem about charma to me so much as just a unlucky draw of the cards.

[Steven]

I am trying to stay positive but wonder sometimes about this month.....really......its also the same month I started to get deathly ill in a few years ago...

I saw a albino squirrel and thought it was a sign of a good yule to come but maybe it was an omen.....because it like me, was getting beat up and pushed around at the time by a different kind of squirrel.....it almost got knocked out of the tree.

I just think its wierd because this is the first albino anything I have ever seen in the wild and it was in the tree right outside my family members house after thanks giving dinner.

And then last night some shit went down that really drove home my old saying....

'Used, abused.....and never choosed.' This is a saying I made up in my 20's about my fate that still seems to ring true today.

Because I went to a few friends houses and at the end of the night noticed I had money missing out of my wallet.

Sometime I do think.....if there is a god or goddess......then maybe life is like a monopoly board and we are all just here for entertainment and I am the unlucky joker because thats how things always go in my life......I feel like a fool for fodder. Someone or thing is having allot of fun watching me suffer.

But then I see all the starving kids on the Chirstian childrens fund commercials and know it could be worse.....

I have a sponsor child in another country.....hearing about how just 20 bucks helped bring his whole village water or food makes me feel better but...

The way the world is going I wonder if everything isn't ready to just collapse soon. It seems so unbalenced I don't know how much longer it can go on like this.

You go to the store and buy something nice for a few bucks. But it was made in another country. Why? Because they can get some poor 12 yr old to do it for 3 cents an hour. This is all possible because ruler of said country holds down his own.....in the process.....the big fat cat gets mo money mo money and so does big buisness owner who utilizes the laws to his advantage and takes advantage, of the small people who are too worried about their families going hungry to even be able to go to school......instead they work in a sweat shop just to not starve.....

All the while more jobs are gone over seas because big buisness owner is so greedy and selfish.....riding high on his yaht.....

How do some people get born into a life of privilege and others a life of suffering......I wonder. It doesn't all seem about charma to me so much as just a unlucky draw of the cards.

regardless of where I was placed in this life - I have a voice, my own passions, the ability to choose.

Everyone can make an impact, everyone. Give what you have to give, but always give back.

[JaneDead]

i love you steven. i mean without knowing you i really do.

my uncle and father just died last week but i still won't hate christmas because of it. i love my father more than any words could ever express, i will be terribly sad and devastated this year but i will still be able to find what i love about it - and that is the rest of my family and friends.

no offense to the "complainers" at x-mas time but i fucking hate it. HATE it. i have friends who do nothing but complain this time of year and i wish for once they could just be grateful for what they have instead of complain about money for gifts or this selfish problem or another. how can people hate a whole season like that and want to ruin it for others by their negativity?

[Homicidalheathen]

Sorry about your loss........I feel for you. I also lost a close family member in this month once....but my sister who is a nurse said more people die during the winter months because of the cold taking its toll on peoples health and immune systems.....so I guess its not just December. Actually I think she said Febuary had the highest death rate......

Same with early morning. Its when most people die. Their hearts are slowed down.......body temp is down.....heart rate may be up or go up when you try to poo and/or can't......for whatever reason more people die at this time. Some of it had to do with blood sugar being lower too......

But it seems stange that when the months are longest.......and darkest......and when everyone is alseep.....more people die.

I wonder when most babies are born....month....time of day....

[HipsterDufus]

I personally dislike this season because I am pretty much forced to participate in it because of my family. I'm not a Christian, obviously, so that aspect has absolutely no meaning for me. I do enjoy the family aspect of it once we get through all of the BS that is the Christmas part. But I don't really need Christmas to help me enjoy my family.

[Steven]

i love you steven. i mean without knowing you i really do.

my uncle and father just died last week but i still won't hate christmas because of it. i love my father more than any words could ever express, i will be terribly sad and devastated this year but i will still be able to find what i love about it - and that is the rest of my family and friends.

no offense to the "complainers" at x-mas time but i fucking hate it. HATE it. i have friends who do nothing but complain this time of year and i wish for once they could just be grateful for what they have instead of complain about money for gifts or this selfish problem or another. how can people hate a whole season like that and want to ruin it for others by their negativity?

I'm sorry about this Love, truly sorry.

I am thankful however, for yoru attitude and spirit, of which I'm sure would make your Father proud....

[torn asunder]

no offense to the "complainers" at x-mas time but i fucking hate it. HATE it. i have friends who do nothing but complain this time of year and i wish for once they could just be grateful for what they have instead of complain about money for gifts or this selfish problem or another. how can people hate a whole season like that and want to ruin it for others by their negativity?

you attract into your life whatever you focus the most on - there's not really much else to say...

(p.s. BAH, HUMBUG!!) :doh

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

I fucking love Christmas and December. December because it dark out more than it's light and that helps my eyes out alot... and Christmas because I dont blame everything bad in my life on a Holiday or a religion I dont understand and or follow.

Life is... The month your in and any given holiday being celebrated have no affect on it.. Life still is.

[phee]

Hate is too strong a word...

annoyed by... that fits

[Steven]

Hate is too strong a word...

annoyed by... that fits

Because of what Santa did to the injuns?

cmon now Phee....that was a little bit funny at least...

[saechalyn]

I hate this time of year too. I hate the holidays and I hate how it gets dark so early. I don't stress myself out over christmas; I just don't celebrate it. Works out well.