Signs Something Is Wrong......

[Homicidalheathen]

Yah, I had a therapist for awhile. I am not ashamed to admit it. I went through a period of depression once and it did help. She helped me see what I was doing.

One thing I do when I am upset but can't figure out what is wrong or am afraid to face the truth.....I self medicate or self abuse. Like, partying too much......doing things I know are bad for me......returning to old habits......even possibly hurting myself.

So I faced the truth this week and came to terms with it.

Time for some house cleaning once again of my personal life.

I feel so much better today just knowing what steps to take in the right direction. Now that I have made up my mind and taken the first steps I feel better. No longer have these self defeating urges.

It will hurt and I will miss some people but I won't miss the headaches and games and lies.

Its hard to make new friends these days because there are so many bad apples on the tree of life.....

But I still seek the crunchy golden ones........I know they are out there and worth finding.

I spent a couple days crying about this because I do feel the loss.....but the loss to my self esteem was greater.....I have to be strong and move on.

God this is such a lonely month for me.......seems like this always comes to light this time of year.....you find out who is really there for you or not.

[Steven]

maybe its because at year's end we start to take stock of our lives....

I wish you well.

And I respect anyone who is willing to do some ditch digging, we all need to do it.

there is never any shame with saying "help me".

we reach out, get help, get strong, in time somebody else reaches out and were able to reach back. In time what used to haunt you becomes your strength.

If there is a devil, he would isolate us all from one another, close us in inside of our failures and self loathing, the accuser of the bretheren - pointing his finger, reducing us to our sins, because we foolishly give ground.

If there is a God he would bind us togthor in agape love, of which there is no weapon strong enough to prevail against.

Everything you are HH, and have been, and will ever be, can help somebody find their way.....all "curses" have vast potential when they no longer have rights to us.

[HipsterDufus]

Good post, Steven. I've been dealing with my own issues lately as well. Can't really afford therapy though (not to make this about me). Good for you, HH, in trying to make a change for the better. I know how hard it can be.

[Homicidalheathen]

One good thing about hardship....you learn who your true friends are.....and who really loves you. The one's who come visit you in the hospital.....who call when your down.....

I know allot of you on here don't like DD. But, when I had my colostomy he and one other person who is not on here were the ONLY friends who gave a crap.......came to see me, asked if I was ok or even were willing to hang out with me. I was treated like a lepar. Even my parents didn't seem to care....I almost died and they didn't want to come see me.

The only people who understood were him and one other friend who had a relative with the same problem. It really pulled me through.