Love

[Msterbeau]

and I'll only add that if I wanted someone in my life I would not fucking tip toe about it and protect myself and take my time and see if it had any compatibility...fuck that, that's not how it works. Give me all or nothing, to me that's the only thing thats real.

Yup. I don't tip toe either. It doesn't mean I don't use my brain and think about how things are working, but it does mean that when I feel a good connection from the first meeting, and it's obvious that they feel the same connection... I dive in head first. Damn the torpedoes!!!!!! Full steam ahead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Steven]

Yup. I don't tip toe either. It doesn't mean I don't use my brain and think about how things are working, but it does mean that when I feel a good connection from the first meeting, and it's obvious that they feel the same connection... I dive in head first. Damn the torpedoes!!!!!! Full steam ahead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yep. I met Laura two weeks away from her wedding to someone else and asked her to marry me a month later when we were knee deep in mud playing army games. May 23rd made it 20 years.

[Shade Everdark]

I liked this post.

and I'll only add that if I wanted someone in my life I would not fucking tip toe about it and protect myself and take my time and see if it had any compatibility...fuck that, that's not how it works. Give me all or nothing, to me that's the only thing thats real.

Doesn't work for you, big guy.

Some of us are wired just a bit differently. We have to hedge our bets, so to speak.

I still say, Alceste for President.

[Steven]

Doesn't work for you, big guy.

Some of us are wired just a bit differently. We have to hedge our bets, so to speak.

I still say, Alceste for President.

....and howz that workin for ya? Have you hit pay dirt yet?

[Shade Everdark]

....and howz that workin for ya? Have you hit pay dirt yet?

Oh believe me, if I could choose a different way, I would have by now.

Sometimes it's not about choice, it's about coming to terms with how things have to be.

My whole point was that be glad that the upfront approach is a choice you have in your, um, 'arsenal'. Some of us don't. And it ain't because we choose to leave it out.

[Steven]

Oh believe me, if I could choose a different way, I would have by now.

Sometimes it's not about choice, it's about coming to terms with how things have to be.

My whole point was that be glad that the upfront approach is a choice you have in your, um, 'arsenal'. Some of us don't. And it ain't because we choose to leave it out.

Im not giving you a hard time Shade. I understand what your saying here. My "choices", all of them, any of them, have been born out of neccesity over time, because like you stated, I had to come to terms with how things have to be.

I think sometimes we just have to behave our way into creating that reality until it finnally catches up to us, which means a very painful ride until we acheive some sense of balance or reach a different end result, and I'm not just talking about relationships. I suppose I'm just not a big fan of self protection in its various forms anymore. I did that for 20 years and it brought me very little beyond a sordid relationship with me, and I got boring to me.

[creatureofthenyte]

Im not giving you a hard time Shade. I understand what your saying here. My "choices", all of them, any of them, have been born out of neccesity over time, because like you stated, I had to come to terms with how things have to be.

I think sometimes we just have to behave our way into creating that reality until it finnally catches up to us, which means a very painful ride until we acheive some sense of balance or reach a different end result, and I'm not just talking about relationships. I suppose I'm just not a big fan of self protection in its various forms anymore. I did that for 20 years and it brought me very little beyond a sordid relationship with me, and I got boring to me.

But, if you don't look out for yourself, who will ???

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

It's not life without risk. Sometimes you don't need someone to look out for you, not even yourself. The sun on your skin feels so much better after you have wallowed in the dark for a time. A perfect love that last 2 weeks before it comes crashing down was still a perfect love. I really don;t understand how people are willing to give up any chance to feel real love, no matter how fleeting, just because they might get hurt. Fear has never ruled my emotions and it never will. My ex-wife cheated on me... treated me like a worthless rag... but when it was good.. it was damn good. The experiance helped me to be ready for what came next in life.

[Steven]

But, if you don't look out for yourself, who will ???

I agree.

but looking out for yourself can also often equate to getting real with your hangups and forcing yourself to get past them as opposed to being comfy and unfulfilled in a state of regression or emotional sloth.....I beleive in risk, I beleive it's a neccessary life tool for growth.

but that's just me.

[Steven]

It's not life without risk. Sometimes you don't need someone to look out for you, not even yourself. The sun on your skin feels so much better after you have wallowed in the dark for a time. A perfect love that last 2 weeks before it comes crashing down was still a perfect love. I really don;t understand how people are willing to give up any chance to feel real love, no matter how fleeting, just because they might get hurt. Fear has never ruled my emotions and it never will. My ex-wife cheated on me... treated me like a worthless rag... but when it was good.. it was damn good. The experiance helped me to be ready for what came next in life.

EXACTLY.

Besides, I need a woman who has a noted amount of respect for me, that's critical in my relationship mix, and that comes from my having a healthy balance of self confindence and also from pushing myself at appropriate times when I'm fence sitting fro too long.

I'm not trying to be critical but I don't understand how a woman would not eventually lose some of her infatuation for a guy that has a habit of self protecting. I've seen many marriages crumble over time for exactly that reason alone.

[BrassFusion]

It's not life without risk. Sometimes you don't need someone to look out for you, not even yourself. The sun on your skin feels so much better after you have wallowed in the dark for a time. A perfect love that last 2 weeks before it comes crashing down was still a perfect love. I really don;t understand how people are willing to give up any chance to feel real love, no matter how fleeting, just because they might get hurt. Fear has never ruled my emotions and it never will. My ex-wife cheated on me... treated me like a worthless rag... but when it was good.. it was damn good. The experiance helped me to be ready for what came next in life.

That's the point of view I like to keep. It OBVIOUSLY hasn't worked out yet, but the hurts so far for me haven't come close to matching the happiness.

[saechalyn]

I think "meant to be" is silly. And I don't know if I believe in souls or not so I can't comment on that one. I'd like to think it's more than just random chemicals flowing through our brains and bodies, but who knows. I've never been in love, so I don't know much of anything about it. But it seems to me that finding it is dumb luck and random chance, and keeping it is far more complicated.

[Shade Everdark]

There's a lot I want to respond to, here.

I can't, right now. Later this evening.

[Homicidalheathen]

Personally I think some of my relationships were ment to be, and that perhaps with some I even knew them before. I and my husband BOTH had a memory of sitting together on a hot dry slab of something like concret....working on a building......I think it was in egypt. We were both short, dark skinned brown men. We were having a simple bread type lunch. And something to drink. And we were very happy and content. And we were in charge of not just building but design and over-see. Maybe it was a pyramid......dunno.

But I do think we were gay and were afraid to act on it...now we get to. Back than I think it would have been real bad for us. Now we don't have to worry, but I have chosen to be woman for a few lifetimes to learn something about creation.....at least thats what I think.

I think "meant to be" is silly. And I don't know if I believe in souls or not so I can't comment on that one. I'd like to think it's more than just random chemicals flowing through our brains and bodies, but who knows. I've never been in love, so I don't know much of anything about it. But it seems to me that finding it is dumb luck and random chance, and keeping it is far more complicated.

[/quote

[creatureofthenyte]

I agree, "meant to be" is silly.

When I spoke about looking out for myself,

I didn't mean it to the point of not taking another chance on someone.

I meant, take the chance, but keep yer eyes/ears open.

I figured out last nite,

with some gracious help,

at least part of where Ive gone wrong in my own experience.

Again,

with some gracious help,

I came to the realization that Ive been with women who didnt show their true selves until I was emotionally invested.

Two-faced was the term used to describe them.

So,

the conclusion I've come to is that I'm willing to take a chance on someone who shows me their true self from day one;

because with Me,

what you see is what you get.

Also,

when I say "true self",

I mean, what I see is what I get; no sudden unwelcome surprises or changes.

That is the kind of woman I'm willing to take a chance on.

[raziel4772]

I agree, "meant to be" is silly.

When I spoke about looking out for myself,

I didn't mean it to the point of not taking another chance on someone.

I meant, take the chance, but keep yer eyes/ears open.

I figured out last nite,

with some gracious help,

at least part of where Ive gone wrong in my own experience.

Again,

with some gracious help,

I came to the realization that Ive been with women who didnt show their true selves until I was emotionally invested.

Two-faced was the term used to describe them.

So,

the conclusion I've come to is that I'm willing to take a chance on someone who shows me their true self from day one;

because with Me,

what you see is what you get.

Also,

when I say "true self",

I mean, what I see is what I get; no sudden unwelcome surprises or changes.

That is the kind of woman I'm willing to take a chance on.

lmao good luck you're never going to meet anyone that shows their "true self" from day one. In every relationship for the first month or 6 you're not dateing who you think you are you're only dateing a representative. You may think you're the same from day one but thats only cause you don't notice the change in yourself but I bet if you asked any ex'es that were long term with they'd tell you you changed over time

oh and to make it worse some don't show their true colours till a couple years in

[creatureofthenyte]

lmao good luck you're never going to meet anyone that shows their "true self" from day one. In every relationship for the first month or 6 you're not dateing who you think you are you're only dateing a representative. You may think you're the same from day one but thats only cause you don't notice the change in yourself but I bet if you asked any ex'es that were long term with they'd tell you you changed over time

oh and to make it worse some don't show their true colours till a couple years in

Well, its good to try an take an optimistic approach to it at least...isnt it ?

[Homicidalheathen]

Well good luck. Finding someone who even knows themselves.....or is themselves on the first date. I don't think it happens. Thats why I try to move slooow.

people present that side of themselves they want to be, or are working towards....or the best of themselves.....at first.....naturally.

I don't know that they do it on purpose.

I agree, "meant to be" is silly.

When I spoke about looking out for myself,

I didn't mean it to the point of not taking another chance on someone.

I meant, take the chance, but keep yer eyes/ears open.

I figured out last nite,

with some gracious help,

at least part of where Ive gone wrong in my own experience.

Again,

with some gracious help,

I came to the realization that Ive been with women who didnt show their true selves until I was emotionally invested.

Two-faced was the term used to describe them.

So,

the conclusion I've come to is that I'm willing to take a chance on someone who shows me their true self from day one;

because with Me,

what you see is what you get.

Also,

when I say "true self",

I mean, what I see is what I get; no sudden unwelcome surprises or changes.

That is the kind of woman I'm willing to take a chance on.

[creatureofthenyte]

You're right, it doesn't happen like that right from the start, or first date.

I need to think this over abit more. Sorry.

[Homicidalheathen]

I didn't mean to pop your bubble. Just......I asked a guy just now (who is not on here) what he thought and he laughed as well. And he said, does this guy honestly think he is being himself at first either? I mean, totally? Just out of shyness..and/or overcoming that and other things.....we are not ourselves at first. But to be totally false is something altogether.

Sounds like you have baaad luck dude.

But so do I.

[raziel4772]

Well, its good to try an take an optimistic approach to it at least...isnt it ?

For some it is, for me I prefer to be a realest. If you hope for the best and expect the worst you're never surprised, pissed maybe but not surprised. But then again I might just be more than a little bitter.

[Medea]

Love stinks.

Playing the part of "Bitter Old Man" today will be Msterbeau...

[Scary Guy]

Playing the part of "Bitter Old Man" today will be Msterbeau...

Sorry I've got that part permanently reserved already.

[JaneDead]

it REALLY shocks me when i hear people say they don't believe in love and have never been in love. what? really? how can you have NEVER been in love? why is that? how is that even possible?? i have a friend who is about my age (33ish) who has told me he has never told someone he loved them/has never been in love. it really does surprise me since i have been in love many times. in love, real love. how can someone my age have never loved yet??

[BrassFusion]

it REALLY shocks me when i hear people say they don't believe in love and have never been in love. what? really? how can you have NEVER been in love? why is that? how is that even possible?? i have a friend who is about my age (33ish) who has told me he has never told someone he loved them/has never been in love. it really does surprise me since i have been in love many times. in love, real love. how can someone my age have never loved yet??

I could understand if it was like, an extreme form of autism or some other medical condition. But I have a friend who's actually asexual- and even he still feels love for people. Just no sexual interest.