Ex's As Friends

[Steven]

I don't know, I am very forgiving person, and really laid back....I try no to hold a grudge and move on.

I don't have beef if things don't work out you know?

I just like to think that it doesn't have to be complicated unless you make it complicated.

Sure feelings are feelings and I guess it depends on how severe the break was, but nevertheless, forgiveness goes a long way. Forgiving yourself as well.......

Some say that some things are just un-forgivable, maybe so.....

I don't know....I've never come across anything in my life that I haven't been able to not forgive.

And I've had some pretty un-forgivable things happen to me in my years......

I just "keep my eyes open".....in that respect I guess.

or just move on....?

Turn the tables around and ask yourself, are YOU forgiven? Maybe it doesn't matter, but....I can't go on thinking that I am not forgivable....so I try to make my amends.

wasent always a forgiveness thing for me (or I admit - against me) .....in my case some of my relationships just had a certain degree of intensity to them because of the mix of personalities.... it was just hard going back to being "pals" after we were so much more than that, and to be honest that attraction between us was usually still there and it likewise had a certain degree of intensity (can you tell I dont like boring??) to it and therefore to squelch that just to be what you had long since left behind (just friends) was difficult.

But I also know that alot of that had to do with me. In my younger years especially I had either casual flings or full on fucking love affairs....I never had like, just a plain old "girlfriend".....my life just wasent that simple.

[Der Nister]

Recent events in my life have got me thinking. Do people stay friends with their ex's? Does it cause problems in their life?

My first serious girlfriend and I remained friends for about 14 years before

losing contact but it was always good between us. We went to lunch, parties

and spent time at each others home. We enjoyed spending time together and

never had any jealous feelings when one of us was dating someone else.

IMO it all depends on the level of respect and maturity between two people.

I know it can work but mostly it hasn't but that doesn't matter - if the other person

can't handle it then I move on - no biggie for me.

[Morbid Side]

My feeling is that if they don't over step boundaries I'm cool with it. I don't know if my current feeling on it has changed, but I can tell you that when you put an EX and current BF in a room together it's going to bring some ackward silence. And I think both feel like they are tedious.

I'd also like to add that I don't think it is right to check up or spy on if you don't trust your significant other. These two are no no's in my little book.

[mallochai]

Hmm...

I think that it is acceptable to be friends with your exes so long as you go into the situation with the right intentions - as in, no expectations of a reunion. Sure, reunions happen. My current relationship (five years now) is a reunion. We broke up for silly reasons though, not because our relationship was unhealthy. People who break up because of abuse, emotional or physical, really shouldn't have much reason for remaining as friends, I wouldn't think.

Personal examples -

I've managed, over time, to be friends with very few of my ex boyfriends. I've tried, with a few, but it always ended badly. I was to blame for a few of those mishaps, certainly, but not for all of them. My second longest relationship ended in kind of a piddle - we basically just stopped having sex, then started seeing other people, then fought about it, then he started bringing other women over to my apartment, just like old times, just like he thought I was going to break them in for him, and had the fucking gall to ask me to share my girlfriends with him. I completely cut off contact with him for years. He called me once, about a year ago. He looked me up on the internet, and called me at my job, telling me how sorry he was, for all the bullshit, for all the lieing, saying how he wanted to be friends, that he realized how good I was to him, and that he missed me. I told him that I was glad he finally realized that, but that I never wanted to speak with him again. We still have some mutual friends, but since I don't live in the same state as those friends anymore, there's never an issue, we just don't talk about him.

Most of my ex girlfriends I've lost touch with, but we always seemed to part on good terms. Well... except for one girl, but we lived too far apart anyway. Actually, one of my ex girlfriends is moving to Portland soon, with her current girlfriend. I'm looking forward to spending quality non-sexy time with her.

Scott has a few exes who he is still in contact with, and that doesn't bother me for the most part. There's really only one girl I wish he wouldn't talk to anymore - he always says how she's just not very smart (mentally as well as emotionally - she's kind of a dramatic disaster, but maybe I'm just being bitchy), and he only stays in touch with her because he feels that she needs help, and he's a sucker for that. I can't stand her personality, she's just so DITZY.

[Dollardave]

My feeling is that if they don't over step boundaries I'm cool with it. I don't know if my current feeling on it has changed, but I can tell you that when you put an EX and current BF in a room together it's going to bring some ackward silence. And I think both feel like they are tedious.

I'd also like to add that I don't think it is right to check up or spy on if you don't trust your significant other. These two are no no's in my little book.

Charlie your a bad ass motherfucker literally like me, but anyways I'm thinking of going to city sat if u go i will.

D$D$

[Dollardave]

I had a good teacher

sizzle

[Head Wreck]

my exes...

i only hyave on/off contact with two of them

one i dont like being around as she still put my head into a spin, she's one of those people that puts out a lot of pheramones, she is physically and mentaly addictive. i've been clean for a while now, and actually am enjoying a stint of mental stability even if i do come accross as cold to some. she is not a bad person and i still consider her a good friend, even if i risk mental sanity being around her.

the other. i have a disdant occasional friendship with. when we broke up i went out with the first ex i mentioned, when things went bad she started playing mind games and it all collapsed. since then on occasion she had told her then fiance lies about me to get him to beat me up, much to her shock i wasnt in the best mental state then and being threatned by a 9 stone goth i promptly grabbed him by the hair and dragged him off to an alley for a quiet word. he kept awqay from me since then.

i see her on occasion and were all good friends. aside i dont trust her and still dont trust her and possibly never will trust her.

i've been single now for a long time. 6 years.

[TygerLili]

It depends...

Obviously if there are kids involved you have to try to be somewhat friendly. If your ex was psycho, don't remain frendly with them. If you had a good friendship and had a lot in common it's probably worth trying to let the relationship evolve into a friendship. If you weren't close and had very little in common, you'll probably naturally drift apart, even if you ended on good terms. If you still have feelings for each other it's important to be honest about that. If you're dating someone new and still friends with your ex, it's important for all parties involved to know where they stand. Sometimes you have to distance yourself from your ex for a while before you can pick up the friendship again.

That pretty much sums up my experience with exes, not all of them mine, anyway.

[Homicidalheathen]

Quote: The thing is, we all know it takes a long time to get over those romantic feelings, and if you know if the relationship isn't going to work .. it's like setting yourself up for disapointment over and over and over.

Not to mention when you actually do give in to the impulse to sleep with/ kiss/ or show any other sort of affection you wouldn't show a "friend" someone will ALWAYS end up being hurt, which just leads to bitterness in which case most ppl don't end up being friends anyway.

Very true.......I think in all of the cases where I am freinds with an ex, they understood and respected my need for space after a break up.

I think part of the reason I dont talk to the kids dad anymore is after we broke up, he found numberous reasons to call me to argue......or come over.....we ended up fighting until we hated each other.

He wasn't even using the kids to get at me so much...issues with money I loaned him, a car....some songs we wrote together....even the cheap ass engagement ring, which I threw at his head.

[Nienna]

I like to try to stay friends with my Exes and for the most part, think I have succeeded. There was something about that eprson that I liked enough to date, so it stands to reason that I still liike that person even if the romantic side didn't work.

[Medea]

Most of the people I've been involved with have been friends to begin with, and I keep friendships with most of them still. The ones that I no longer talk to chose that on their own, with three major exceptions. Two were assholes, one was a crazy bitch.

[creatureofthenyte]

yeah you can stay in touch with an ex if you have legitimate reasons to, but if they have or continue to cause emotional grief & hardship, like some of my ex's have, I just see no point in associating with them anymore.

[Absinthe]

I am very timidly posting this because it potentially cause a huge fight, which if that happens I'll kill this thread immeadiatly.

Recent events in my life have got me thinking. Do people stay friends with their ex's? Does it cause problems in their life?

I am someone whom guys break up with and they really do mean "Lets be friends". In fact, they usually want to be very close friends and remain in the same amount of contact as they did when we were lovers. This may speak for me as a good person and friend, but to be honest I wish I could just cut the strings. If I can give you any advice it would be to NOT be friends with an ex. I have found time and time again that it causes heartache and a host of troubles...with the next one I promised myself when it is through it is THROUGH.

[Shade Everdark]

I am someone whom guys break up with and they really do mean "Lets be friends". In fact, they usually want to be very close friends and remain in the same amount of contact as they did when we were lovers. This may speak for me as a good person and friend, but to be honest I wish I could just cut the strings. If I can give you any advice it would be to NOT be friends with an ex. I have found time and time again that it causes heartache and a host of troubles...with the next one I promised myself when it is through it is THROUGH.

I should it only causes trouble and heartache when either the ex is abusive, spiteful, or won't give up the idea of getting back together.

In my own experience, at least, I've managed quite well with exes as friends. I guess it depends in large part on who you date, and how bad the breakup is.

[Absinthe]

I should it only causes trouble and heartache when either the ex is abusive, spiteful, or won't give up the idea of getting back together.

In my own experience, at least, I've managed quite well with exes as friends. I guess it depends in large part on who you date, and how bad the breakup is.

Shade

I guess in all of my experiences the guys want to act like we are still together by treating me in the exact same way, wanting me around just as much, and still feeling extremely close to me...with the exception that they just want to date other people. When I try and step back or try and get some space every single one of them freak out like I am leaving them. It's like they want me to have all the duties of still being their GF but I get none of the perks. Then I have to sit back and watch them fawn all over other chicks and talk about them...as if to say...you were ALMOST good enough...but not quite. Being friends with an EX can be a harsh blow to the ego. It makes person feel used...and it has happened to me 3 times already. I am not alone though. I have seen this happen multiple times with other's who have kept friends as ex's. There is unresolved feelings at times, jealousies, and sometimes it is just a way for some to have a back burner "booty call" without admitting it. In your case things may have worked out well and that is awesome. But in my experience, and in the experience of a good percentage of my friends, it is nothing but headache and heartache.

[Destroit]

I've had three exes to date, and I'm still kinda friends with all of them, I don't necessarily talk to them all the time but we're on good terms even if our relationships didn't end that way. My most recent ex (also my first, but then I dated him again after being broke up for a year) was a huge slut and druggie when we had our first fling. Since he was my first and I started dating him when I was like 17 I was too dumb and blinded to really want to acknowledge the fact that he was a cheater, which bothers me more than none other, I'm big on monogamy. And he is a MASSIVE alcoholic (like was at least downing two fifths a DAY minimum). So I dumped him after two years, he went with the other woman who it seemed like I was in constant battle with, and then when he broke up with her after he had been sober for a year and thought that "she was cheating" (oh the irony right?) So since he had been sober for an entire year and hadn't cheated on his other girlfriend, I know this because we remained good good friends while they were together believe it or not, I was dumb and tried him out again. Basically he was sober still for the first like three months, and then gradually slipped back into it. I finally dumped him for good on March 3rd this year, we're still friends even having a massive fight, because this time he didn't cheat on me at least. He's also a victim of himself, so I kinda feel sorry for him because of his heavy drinking problem, so I'm always there to support him, but would NEVER date him again if I were ever single (and hopefully not, I LOVE the guy I'm with now). The other guy I had a short fling with, we saw each other for three months, and I won't say names because he goes to CC and you probably know him. Isn't on the board though, is registered but doesn't post, and he was real shady about everything and there was something off about the things he said and did. I found out he was kinda real slutty through other sources, and was a big player, and didn't pursue anything serious after that, but still talk to him every so often online. The other guy was waaaay waaay older than me, like 12 years, came with a whole lot of extra baggage (i.e. no job, motivation, will, and had 3 children to boot). Basically he dumped me because "his baby momma was mad that he had a girlfriend" even though they clearly hated each other and wanted nothing to do with each other romantically, she's just a crazy spiteful bitch and threatened him with "if you ever see anyone else than you'll never see your kid again" Since he has no balls and no spine he fell for it. I'm still friends with him though, feel bad that he's kind of a little boy about everything, and I adore his kids. Soooo yeah that's my whole history in a nut shell and once AGAIN, another one of my mini-novels lol. Sorry bout the long post.

[Sybil]

I get along with my ex-wife and I've generally been able to be friends with women I was in relationships with since then. It doesn't always work well with others, as Sybil pointed out. One ex girlfriend called things off after meeting the ex wife. She thought we were too comfortable around each other. I think some people are insecure with that. *shrugs*

**nods**

Some people are very insecure.

If you are civil, you must be knockin' boots, right??

**giggles at her own jokes!**

[Sybil]

Quote: ....even the cheap ass engagement ring, which I threw at his head.

okay

okay.. that was really funny for some reason..

[Nerdcore]

Im still hung on to my ex ... its still very fresh in my head and i cant seem to let go . even though we are in different states and he has moved on ... I still talk to him n a friends level. he conciders me one of his best friends still. so it can work out . it just takes time. it might hurt . but it can work

btw

I need a man ! any aplications

[Homicidalheathen]

unfortunatly it was too small 2 do any damage

okay

okay.. that was really funny for some reason..

[Sybil]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

**tries to breathe**

[Absinthe]

Im still hung on to my ex ... its still very fresh in my head and i cant seem to let go . even though we are in different states and he has moved on ... I still talk to him n a friends level. he conciders me one of his best friends still. so it can work out . it just takes time. it might hurt . but it can work

btw

I need a man ! any aplications

I think that is the key. You had to have a very CLEAN break up. You can't be hung up on the person, nor can there be unresolved feelings or conflicts.

[know_buddy_kares]

Personally, I don't keep in touch with any ex of mine. I was willing to do so each time after the relationship was finished, I figure that the love was worth something, and though it didn't work out in a relationship, perhaps it was intended as a friendship. Each time I've done this, it seems the same reasons why the relationship ended, are also the reasons why I don't want to be friends with them anymore.

Whether it's controlling..

arrogance, where you can just tell they don't see you as a friend but insist on only seeing you as their ex that still wants them... yeah right.. as if..

and one of them just slowly faded away.

I'm sure it is possible, and I hear of other ex couples maintaining friendships. For me however, it's never happened, and with past history as data to base my judgment, I really prefer it not to happen. But then again, I prefer not to claim any official titles, i'd rather stay friends to keep things safe. A friendship lasts alot easier than a girlfriend/boyfriend.