Once Upon A Time....

[crunchy_pickle (5)]

Once upon a time I hurt someone....

I didn't mean to. It just happened. Alcohol. There's a monster in me somewhere. Every fucking day I've hurt since, and it's been two years. I can't take back what I've done, but God I wish I could. I would trade 15 years in prison for the 2 years I've had in hell.

Never be afraid to tell someone you love them, even if you think they don't want to hear that. Some lessons in life are not worth learning. Every day, I die a little more....

[Scales]

I know what you mean as far as the last paragraph.

I had someone like that but we spent too much time apart. I basically laid down exactly how I felt even though she was dating someone else and the pain instantly lifted. She never talked to me again, but I didn't have to deal with any couped up emotional b.s. I have good memories, but I don't regret, which is the key. Laying out strong emotions is important to keep some mental health intact.

[crunchy_pickle (5)]

I know what you mean as far as the last paragraph.

I had someone like that but we spent too much time apart. I basically laid down exactly how I felt even though she was dating someone else and the pain instantly lifted. She never talked to me again, but I didn't have to deal with any couped up emotional b.s. I have good memories, but I don't regret, which is the key. Laying out strong emotions is important to keep some mental health intact.

Well, this was a friend that I miss tremendously. I have no regrets, but if I could change anything, I'd go back to the hippy movement and ask those clowns to grow some balls. Their revolution has only made my generation into weak, nadless fags who wear their hearts on their sleeves. I feel cheated out of my masculinity sometimes....

On that note, I think I need to get a Harley or something. God this summer blows....

[Scales]

I hear you, I want a bike but it's not worth saving for it yet with the insurance costs.

As for summers.. My last summer I went dependent on a night schedule and never saw sunlight and dealt with nausea crap. Then I spent this whole summer working, moved three times.. but at least I've gotten experience out of all of it. The faster my friend and I get our business on it's feet, the faster we can move into a one room apt and I can get the hell away from my dad permanently. I don't care as much about having fun anymore, I just want real peace, it's been years. Lol.

[Steven]

Well, this was a friend that I miss tremendously. I have no regrets, but if I could change anything, I'd go back to the hippy movement and ask those clowns to grow some balls. Their revolution has only made my generation into weak, nadless fags who wear their hearts on their sleeves. I feel cheated out of my masculinity sometimes....

On that note, I think I need to get a Harley or something. God this summer blows....

no, pharmecuticals, MTV, and the money grubbing 80's made your generation weak.

but I'm glad it bugs you. thats where change starts....

[crunchy_pickle (5)]

Awesome news article in your sig there Steven. Reminds me of all the DCC wars I had on evolution. I finally have yet another reliable article that supports my arguments, and takes it a step further. That's a whole new topic in itself.

[SuZQZ]

Once upon a time I hurt someone....

I didn't mean to. It just happened. Alcohol. There's a monster in me somewhere. Every fucking day I've hurt since, and it's been two years. I can't take back what I've done, but God I wish I could. I would trade 15 years in prison for the 2 years I've had in hell.

Never be afraid to tell someone you love them, even if you think they don't want to hear that. Some lessons in life are not worth learning. Every day, I die a little more....

As someone who was hurt by someone because of alcohol abuse, your post really hit me. I've often wondered if he's ever realized what he put me through, what he took from me, what scars are his. Has he ever regretted trying to take me down with him, and when I proved too strong, blame me for a condition that existed before "we" did? As someone who's been on the receiving end of hell, Thank You. Thank you for putting this out here. Inside, I have been unable to forgive his betrayal. I will only forgive once I know he has learned from his mistake and has moved on to a fuller and happier life, and will never subject another person to what I had to deal with. Your post, stating your regret and acknowledgement gives me hope that perhaps he too has felt something similar. I hope you are able to find peace. I hope you are able to forgive yourself and be forgiven. Perhaps then you will find happiness. I wish this for you as I wish this for him. I really do.

[crunchy_pickle (5)]

As someone who was hurt by someone because of alcohol abuse, your post really hit me. I've often wondered if he's ever realized what he put me through, what he took from me, what scars are his. Has he ever regretted trying to take me down with him, and when I proved too strong, blame me for a condition that existed before "we" did? As someone who's been on the receiving end of hell, Thank You. Thank you for putting this out here. Inside, I have been unable to forgive his betrayal. I will only forgive once I know he has learned from his mistake and has moved on to a fuller and happier life, and will never subject another person to what I had to deal with. Your post, stating your regret and acknowledgement gives me hope that perhaps he too has felt something similar. I hope you are able to find peace. I hope you are able to forgive yourself and be forgiven. Perhaps then you will find happiness. I wish this for you as I wish this for him. I really do.

I don't want you getting the wrong idea, because this is not a defense or anything, but this was an isolated incident. I scared her and pissed her off. I should've known better though. I blackout after drinking for a little while, and am not myself at all. I have a lot of pent up rage and anger from being the patient and forgiving bastard that I am, and not being well forgetful as well as forgiving. I have issues, and I need to let go of things, and quit dealing with them with substances. I'm not an addict, but I am chemically dependent, and I really don't want to lose more friends because of my asshole behavior. I once quit drinking for over a year, because I knew I could no longer control myself. I used my Father's death as an excuse to pick up again, and did a cornucopia of drugs and alcohol as well as sex for quite some time.

My only hope is that my failures as a human, will no longer hurt the one's I care about. As many times as I've told myself, I wished I could burn all of my bridges so I was only responsible for my own feelings, this would be a very selfish act. Despite my anger, and a lot of anti-social feelings, I genuinely love all people, and hope that maybe just maybe I might have something to contribute to society. I don't want to be a hypocrite either, because most of my anger is based both on my pride, and human ignorance. The latter of which, I have plenty of myself. Live, learn, and grow. I've lived and learned, but I will admit that I have a lot of growing up to do.....

[SuZQZ]

So.... your human.... like the rest of us. Many, including myself, have traveled similar roads and made similar choices in difficult, and not so difficult, times. We all have "failures", it's in trying to learn from them that is the success. And those that are closest to us and love us realize we are doing our best, and at least for me, have always been there to help pick me up. Figuratively and literally And yes, not letting the people who love you and care about you do just that would be a very selfish thing. So no intentional burning of bridges, not allowed!