Untitled Wip - Be Gentle, Please...

[SuZQZ]

As some of you know, I've been plagued with writer's block for some time. Below is something that I've been struggling with for months. The struggle has been with finding the words which truly convey the feeling(s) I intend. It is a work in progress that I hope to tweak, build on and expand more into a story eventually. I welcome your input and comments, but please be gentle. It's my first posting of something of my own here, as it's extremely difficult for me to share these inner creations with anyone.

So far it's untitled:

In dreams is where the darkness calls,

Beckoning to join the void.

Emptiness fills as darkness falls,

Leaving my shell numb and devoid.

I walk alone in heavy silence,

Silence which grows deafening.

My form freezes, complete abeyance

The call, so tempting, so abrading.

My soul, so torn, it longs to concede,

To succumb to promises of peace.

My thoughts adrift and I accede,

Joining the void and so set free.

[Kit Kat P]

I could be wrong but it feels like it's wanting a bit more, but I definitely like it

[SuZQZ]

Oh, you're not wrong. It's wanting a lot more. Just a start, something to build on. Just wanted initial feedback to see if it's so far heading where I am trying to take it. Each paragraph will be built up and expanded on, but I want to keep it on a very specific track/thought.

Thank you for your thoughts

[Nienna]

I agree with needing more but it is great so far.

[SuZQZ]

Thank you, Nienna, and again, thank you Kit Kat, for your input. I really appreciate it.

A question I have for anyone who cares to answer... From what you've read, do you see the void as a good thing or a bad thing. Very important because I have a specific way I want it to play. I won't say how I intend it, but am curious as to how it comes off so far so I know where/what to tweak in that respect to evoke what I intend.

Thanks all!!!

[Kit Kat P]

to me it's currently written as a bad thing ~ something akin to suicide

but all it would take is one line to completely change that

like naming the void or speaking of what comes of the void