Kicked 2 The Curb

[pomba gira]

Gawd this is just wretched beyond belief. Tokagemaru said See ya over the weekend and I can't believe how utterly distraught I am. Spent the past 3 days sitting around crying like a pathetic little bitch and I truly hate feeling so girly and weak.. it's so not me. I never had anyone I truly loved just up and walk on me before... with both my husbands I was the one who bailed. So now I know how they felt... and I know how Rainbow felt when I said "sorry dude, I know I said I'd wait while you were locked up but, well, I changed my mind... been real OK". So all I can think is maybe this is my karma for being hurtful in the past. The chickens coming home to roost & bringing a few giant condors along. Guess I get a lot of experience points for this one anyway.

I feel bad for errone who has to deal w/me right now, especially my poor students, I am making a huge effort to be professional but I think they are soaking up all the dismal black energy I'm exuding... and acting crazy... but they're keeping me sane to the slight extent I am. As long as they're in the classroom I'm OK but they go to lunch or their specials and I sit in the room and snivel. Yeah I know I'll get over it and I'll be happy again and blah blah blah... but... knowing that sure doesn't seem to help much right now. The only thing that makes me feel marginally better is my family... they are being really concerned 'cos they've never seen me so upset... and friends who are being wonderful. It's good to know I have real friends, anyway... I'm such a solitary person in a lot of ways and it hasn't been easy to reach out and build friendships the past few years... but now I see it was worth it. Although taking the risk of truly giving my heart to someone... wasn't.

Christ on a crutch, listen to me... this is what I hate worst, feeling and sounding so unlike myself. I'm supposed to be strong dammit. I hate this.

[Onyx]

(((hugs)))

[Homicidalheathen]

Eh f*ck 'em. He was prob just intimidated by your womanlyness and power.

[bean]

You can't always be tough and strong - sometimes you have to let the girl crap come out....

Just let yourself mourn and let your pain run its course. Try focusing on the good things in your life right now.

:grouphug

[Brenda Starrr]

:(

I'm sorry, sweetie. *hugs*

[Msterbeau]

Sorry babe. That is teh suck. *HUGS*

[creatureofthenyte]

Sorry to hear...

It's better that you're letting your feelings out.

If you kept them all bottled up, you'd be even more miserable.

It IS OK to feel your feelings.

It IS OK to show emotions.

It IS OK to be human...

[freydis]

OMG.....*hugs* :(

[Fierce Critter]

So sorry, dearie. :(

[Homicidalheathen]

Your still hot. And a helluva catch.

[sass_in_the_pants]

:(

Sorry babe.

[SuZQZ]

*HUGZ* You are not weak because you feel, and it is because you feel that gives you strength.

You are strong. You are adored and you are loved.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

we all hurt, we all cry to release the pain. It's been years since I was at where you are now... I'm so sorry you had to learn this particualr pain...

Get angry, it helps too.

[Shade Everdark]

Just don't get bitter.

It's a cold old world, and it doesn't need you to make it colder.

That's kind of a crappy way to say I'm sorry this happened to you, but it's the best I have right now.

[saechalyn]

I'm such a solitary person in a lot of ways and it hasn't been easy to reach out and build friendships the past few years... but now I see it was worth it. Although taking the risk of truly giving my heart to someone... wasn't.

Christ on a crutch, listen to me... this is what I hate worst, feeling and sounding so unlike myself. I'm supposed to be strong dammit. I hate this.

I so SO relate to this. That definitely is the worst- feeling like someone has ripped you wide open and not only hurt you but left you feeling exposed and wounded and vulnerable and not even like yourself. It's an awful feeling, but it does pass. And it doesn't make you a weak person, even though you feel weak in the moment. Feeling weak and being weak are 2 different things, believe me. Hang in there lady.

[the eternal]

You can't always be tough and strong - sometimes you have to let the girl crap come out....

Just let yourself mourn and let your pain run its course. Try focusing on the good things in your life right now.

:grouphug

Well, I can't top that, but you know,

"Although taking the risk of truly giving my heart to someone... wasn't. (worth it)"

Yes, it was.

What's the point in living if you don't take risks sometimes?

You just got hurt.

It's okay to be hurt sometimes,

as long as you don't let the pain take over.

You usually try so hard to be tough (or seem to), and it was abolutely wonderful that you were so giddy in recent months, even despite money issues.

You reclaimed your sexuality and showed ma and pa redneck swinger how it was done

And you felt real love and opened your heart to another.

That's beautiful.

F%^* karma.

This was a case of a guy who hadn't resolved issues from years ago trying to see if the grass is greener on the other side.

And he's an idiot for doing it.

That and he didnt stop and think for a second about how good he had it with you.

Because if he did, he'd be beating himself for even thinking about leaving you.

You've just got to get over the hurt.

And it'll take some time.

But you'll be better for it, and hopefully there'll come a time when you let someone else in and love again.

But for now, just let things happen and lean on your friends/family for support.

Dont be too f%#@ing proud Hille, to ask for help.

We're here for you.

[Homicidalheathen]

God am I glad you got a good job here and to keep your house, can't believe he wanted you to up root like that then.......?

Ass.

[Kit Kat P]

The fact that you are still standing only shows how strong you are. Not only will this earn you experience points, but major empathy points.

[Nienna]

*hugs* I'm so sorry to hear that!

[jadnifer]

Im sorry to hear of your misfortune.

I have had similar happen to me...I know how you feel.

*hugs*

I promise that it will get better over time even though 1,000 people have already told you that...but it will

[pomba gira]

Thank you all for your kind loving words & thoughts... it means a lot

[Vivian]

I feel for you sweetie, but I'm gonna give you a bit of advice. This is what I do, when something major happens in my life. (and losing a fella is one of those life altering things) Pamper yourself. Go get a manicure or a peticure. Dye or cut your hair. Buy a spiffy outfit, something you wouldn't allow yourself to buy before. But take care of yourself.

Guys come and go. He was a fool to leave you, but you are still whole. You are a strong person, and this will blow by. Just another chapter in your autobiography. What is the saying?... When one door closes two more open up?

You have your friends and family, and us, dgners. You'll be fine.

[Draco1958]

I feel for you.

[TygerLili]

Sorry to hear you're going though this. I'm glad to hear that you have supportive friends and family to hear you out. It makes a huge difference.

I feel bad for errone who has to deal w/me right now, especially my poor students, I am making a huge effort to be professional but I think they are soaking up all the dismal black energy I'm exuding... and acting crazy... but they're keeping me sane to the slight extent I am. As long as they're in the classroom I'm OK but they go to lunch or their specials and I sit in the room and snivel. Yeah I know I'll get over it and I'll be happy again and blah blah blah... but... knowing that sure doesn't seem to help much right now. The only thing that makes me feel marginally better is my family... they are being really concerned 'cos they've never seen me so upset... and friends who are being wonderful. It's good to know I have real friends, anyway... I'm such a solitary person in a lot of ways and it hasn't been easy to reach out and build friendships the past few years... but now I see it was worth it. Although taking the risk of truly giving my heart to someone... wasn't.

Christ on a crutch, listen to me... this is what I hate worst, feeling and sounding so unlike myself. I'm supposed to be strong dammit. I hate this.

Maybe it's a blessing in disguise that you recently started a new job. When I went through my last(and only) bad break up, the only thing that kept me from obsessing and feeling miserable about it 24/7 was the fact that I had just started a new, very demanding job. I was working 50 hours per week and trying to learn a million new things and I didn't have time to be sad and depressed at work. Plus I got to meet some cool new people, which was something I felt like I really needed.

[Dollardave]

Fuck em. Move onto the next one Hillie. Thats what I do and theres plenty of sluts at city club always.