Timelines In Life Goals

[Homicidalheathen]

I have set goals in life that I have not reached by the time I got to be the age I thought it would be happening. Sometimes there is just nothing you can do about it. Or maybe your mind changes and what was once important to you is not so much now.

Do you set timeline goals?

Are you flexible enough to change them if the needs change?

This year alone I found someone very upset he was not married by age 30...and ready to marry this girl he doesn't even really get along with that well, just so he can say he is married by next yr.

If he does this they will probably be divorced in a few years, and that is not part of his 'over all plan' as he puts it. Personally I would rather stay single than be miserable and on my 'timeline goal'.

I met this lady who is living the 'dream' I held for myself when I was younger. Aside from my getting ill, it would not have been good for me anyway. I like my house. I like being in the same town everyday. I DON'T want to be stuggling week to week living in a tour bus.

But thats what I THOUGHT I wanted, at one time. Am I glad I decided being normal and just plain ol me with kids was enough......because what the hell is this woman going to do in old age? County group homes suck.

I guess you could hope for an early death....

Even make it happen, if your not totally famous by your 'timeline' age for that.....

Then this other lady I know wants to have kids by the age of 30. She is not well enough to have one.....and really, would make a horrible parent and ADMITS this. But, she is trying to find someone to knock her up anyway......just to fit the timeline. I fear for that poor kid to be.

Instead of changing her mind........or waiting......she is going to ruin 2 lives just to live some dream she obviously is not fit to live out.

And yet one more lady of a friend who just got divorced. She would not be divorced if she had not tried to fit a 'timeline' goal.

It was to be married by age 40. So she got in a hurry, married the wrong guy......and is now divorced.

Personally I think one should be more flexible about these things because life just doesn't always work out the way you want it to......but you do the best you can.

[Scary Guy]

The problem is setting goals in the first place. Aim low so you don't have to work as hard, or just avoid the practice all together.

[saechalyn]

When I was 25 I made a list of 5 things to do before I turn 30. I've only got about 8 months left and haven't accomplished a single one, or even come close. Oh well.

[creatureofthenyte]

I think a more realistic approach would be to set just one goal at a time and then move on to others as soon as the previous one has been achieved. The current goal that I am working on, Ive been working on it for aboot 6 years now. I think by next summer, I will be closer then Ive ever been, to achieving it.

[Fierce Critter]

Sigh.

I did this my ENTIRE LIFE. I mean, from a young girl onwards. Initially, it was a "youngest child of many siblings" influence. I grew up watching my sisters become very accomplished - one a musician/actor whom I idolized, another a Merit scholarship/suma cum laude graduate who excelled in computer science at Wayne State.

From very young, I had to do everything they did. I had to have the same success. The problem was, my sisters didn't respond to my achievements with the same admiration & enthusiasm I did theirs. The musician/actor never had much to say when I'd give her tapes of music I did with bands, never came to see me perform even though I made it a point to see every single performance she ever did. It truly disheartened me.

The brainiac sister wasn't as cold. But when I was in high school, I obsessed over getting that merit scholarship myself, and graduating suma cum laude. The merit required a B average and high scores on the ACT. I achieved both. The Suma cum laude required graduating with a 3.75 average.

I fell apart when I got my final report card. Because my final GPA was 3.749. I missed Suma by .001 points. I begged a couple teachers to revise my grade, but none of them would. I graduated 13th in my class, Magna Cum Laude, with a full 4-year scholarship to Wayne State University - and it wasn't enough because I wasn't going to have a gold tassle on my cap, just the regular one with the school colors and a gold cord for my neck.

Then when I graduated and started at Wayne, everything fell apart. The school I had attended had a policy wherein if you had a particular GPA and attendance record, you didn't have to take mid terms or finals. And the teachers I had rarely assigned homework. As a result, I totally and completely did not know how to study. Honestly. I had never had to do it before. So when I got into my freshman year, with all that homework and those important exams, I couldn't hack it. I didn't have the discipline to sit myself down in a quiet room and read texts or review notes from lectures.

I ended up losing the scholarship after one year.

Thing is, I wasn't devastated. I realized that I was so clueless as to who I was, what I wanted from life, I wasn't ready for college anyway. I'd spent my entire life trying to be my sisters. And when the structure of high school was removed, when I'd met the same goals as my sisters and ther was nothing left to emulate, I was lost. I couldn't function as an individual in an unstructured environment.

I recovered from this later. I was finally able to throw out that cursed report card and realize how much I'd accomplished.

But I also formed different goals in my early 20's that really fucked me over. I was supposed to be a successful musician, in a relationship and on my own by 25. 25 came, and I was a corporate secretary, single with no prospects, and living with my parents.

So, my brain once again went into panic mode, and I got desperate. I ended up in a couple really, really bad relationhships that really fucked me over. It took me a couple years to pull my wits about me, say "fuck it" and stop worrying so much about goals that hadn't been met, and live each day as it came, with only a fair amount of

planning to keep me going in a good direction.

As a result, I'm much more flexible than I used to be. Less concerned with trivial details. I definitely think goals are good to have, but you need to realize when they're healthy, and when they're harmful obsessions.

[Homicidalheathen]

As a result, I'm much more flexible than I used to be. Less concerned with trivial details. I definitely think goals are good to have, but you need to realize when they're healthy, and when they're harmful obsessions.

Very well put.

I guess my guy is a success because he does this and reaches his goals, to the year. However they all have to do with carreer......not personal relationship type stuff.....I wish he would pay more attention to that.....he doesn't have many friends and lovers.

[Steven]

As a result, I'm much more flexible than I used to be. Less concerned with trivial details. I definitely think goals are good to have, but you need to realize when they're healthy, and when they're harmful obsessions.

Very well put.

I guess my guy is a success because he does this and reaches his goals, to the year. However they all have to do with carreer......not personal relationship type stuff.....I wish he would pay more attention to that.....he doesn't have many friends and lovers.

all of this stuff comes from being able to look back thru the years in perspective no?

I like my age.

No Im not as purdy as I used to be and yes shit hurts all over and no I didint get famous....

....but I know who I am and what I am and why....and that part is priceless.

[Destroit]

I used to set goals...alllll sorts of goals. I still do. I also carry out a good amount of them, but alas, the "important" ones are just too out of reach for me...you know like being in a famous band. That kind of shit. So, yeah I was upset when I finally realized I would probably just grow old like any average joe, but maybe that isn't so bad. Who says you don't matter if you aren't famous? (which is what I used to think) I still plan on being an author but I don't get discouraged if I fail at anything anymore, unless it impacts those around me (i.e. school impacts my momma's money for instance).

I try to out do my family, that's always been one of my big things. I know it sounds petty, but my mom's sister has always had this "perfect family" thing where her kids are always better than me, their house is bigger than ours, their kids got whatEVER they wanted handed to them instantly, their kids had friends I didn't, their kids weren't fat like I was, their kids were in sports, their kids got all A's etc. So as a small child I set the goal that no matter what happened to me I would make it my life's ambition to be better than all of them and rub their face in it as hard as I could, just like they did to me my entire life. Well...I reached the goal, but I'm not happy with it. The youngest cousin in their family, we were so close as children and now she's very socially inept with a very Paris Hilton attitude toward everyone (needs to have the best is better than everyone) and it's just kinda sad. She'll be spending money on expensive stuff and putting herself in financial ruin just trying to live up to how her parents spoiled her as a kid. The oldest son in that family is doing OKAY...but not in college or anything like myself and not really headed toward anything spectacular...just average. Their third kid? The one that was always my GREATEST rival, the one who I hated, the one I spent so much anger toward and so much energy trying to be better than and trying to compete with, the shining star of her perfect family? Well...I wish I hadn't been so bitter. I wish I had spent more time trying to get along with her instead of hating her, playing with her instead of arguing, bonding instead of being alienated. Why? Because a year ago last Tuesday she died in her parents house at the age of 23 from an overdose. The strive to be the biggest, best, and richest drove her to insanity...she was severly mentally ill toward the end of her life, spending upwards of $30,000 dollars of her family's money to impress friends and constantly drugged up on pills. Technically she overdosed from a cocktail of methadone and anti-depressants. She was so lost in just trying to belong somewhere and have people care about her instead of just handing her material shit that it drove her to it. As her closest cousin I should have reached out instead of pushing away. Her whole family is in ruins now, torn limb from limb, my poor aunt isn't the same and my uncle is basically a shell of the man that he used to be. I reached my goal and I had never been unhappier or more guilty in my entire life. Now I'll never have the chance to apologize to my cousin for all of the horrible shit I was saying about her behind her back to everyone or get a chance to say how I really feel.

Sometimes....you really shouldn't reach your goals, and the ones you think you should reach in many cases just aren't plain worth it.

Now I just let the day take me where it may...usually to Hazel Park to play Halo 2 or standing outside some crazy abandoned building in Detroit yapping with brutally insane homeless people. It's a life, I think anyway.

[Homicidalheathen]

The beauty of being an author.....you can make it even to a hip crowd, at any age!

Look at Vonnegut.

The band thing, yah......who wants to be stalked by papparazzi?

Thats what I used to think, to be a famous rock star, until reality set in at age oh I'd say 30ish....we will have a band together again in a month......but....I don't plan to leave the state EVER and go on tour, if we start to get big the guitarist will have to find a new singer and key player cause I am not leaving. And he is single, no kids...and is the biggest talent of the band so far. So If this happens......I will be happy for him, but I have to stay for my kids and family.

Thing is, most don't make it big.....and live week to week, being VERY POOR and on a cramped tour bus. Its NOT fun.

I have no idea what they do in old age. It scares me to think of it.

I guess you can hope and pray you live fast, die young....and leave a beautiful corspe....but what if you decide you want to LIVE???

Are you working on your novel yet?

[Destroit]

The beauty of being an author.....you can make it even to a hip crowd, at any age!

Look at Vonnegut.

The band thing, yah......who wants to be stalked by papparazzi?

Thats what I used to think, to be a famous rock star, until reality set in at age oh I'd say 30ish....we will have a band together again in a month......but....I don't plan to leave the state EVER and go on tour, if we start to get big the guitarist will have to find a new singer and key player cause I am not leaving. And he is single, no kids...and is the biggest talent of the band so far. So If this happens......I will be happy for him, but I have to stay for my kids and family.

Thing is, most don't make it big.....and live week to week, being VERY POOR and on a cramped tour bus. Its NOT fun.

I have no idea what they do in old age. It scares me to think of it.

I guess you can hope and pray you live fast, die young....and leave a beautiful corspe....but what if you decide you want to LIVE???

Are you working on your novel yet?

Yesss... I iz. I've been working on both (prequel - sequel kinda deal) for a few years now, and have lost them TWICE already, due to my mother, Boshy. She used to get all sorts of crazy on spyware and ERASED windows and my novel twice. I mean, she didn't mean to it was an honest mistake, but still. I think the second time it happened though, it was necessary because windows burnt out somehow, I can't remember. So now I write a hardcopy and then transfer that copy to the computer so I have two back ups...and if my house burns down destroying them both then I guess it wasn't meant to be.

[Homicidalheathen]

Gawd I hate that. I always keep a backup disc done weekly in a fire proof box. Live and learn.

Yesss... I iz. I've been working on both (prequel - sequel kinda deal) for a few years now, and have lost them TWICE already, due to my mother, Boshy. She used to get all sorts of crazy on spyware and ERASED windows and my novel twice. I mean, she didn't mean to it was an honest mistake, but still. I think the second time it happened though, it was necessary because windows burnt out somehow, I can't remember. So now I write a hardcopy and then transfer that copy to the computer so I have two back ups...and if my house burns down destroying them both then I guess it wasn't meant to be.

[Shade Everdark]

The only goal I have a timeline for is to somehow be dead by 40.

[Daevion]

Theoretically my first sci-fi novel would have been completed by now.....

[Homicidalheathen]

Don't give up!

I am still trying to work out this band thing and now we are fighting again about certain issues....this is why its never taken off since age oh say 22.

God. 2 decades of this shit.

I MUST love it.....?

[Mr. Crowley]

I kinda have a wierd philosophy about goals.

I believe that if you want something and you literally set your train of thoughts into accomplishing that thing then its just bound to happen. I try to make my goals as realistic as possible because I don't like to sound like a retarded Disney advertisement, you know "Make a wish and all your dreams will come true!"

I admire those who have dreams and goals and works every day to reach them.

Not saying you shouldn't make your dreams so high that they are unrealistic, because if we don't have that sort of creativity then I fear this world might be more doomed than I thought.