Goths Used For Weather Forcasting

[bav]

In North America, the groundhog forecasts the coming of spring. In Australia, they wait for the first Goth of summer to appear

Behold the first goth of summer

December 15, 2007

Summer is here - so get over it, writes Raymond Gill.

SUMMER OFFICIALLY begins in Melbourne around the time of the first sighting of a Goth in Elizabeth Street in short sleeves. It's not unlike the American custom of using a groundhog to indicate fine weather ahead but it's more unpredictable and so much more exciting. Our version of a hibernating rodent emerging from its burrow can happen in December, possibly February, or maybe March.

Whichever month, we can only determine summer is nigh when a Goth crosses Lonsdale Street holding a JB Hi-Fi bag while attempting to pull a soft pack of French cigarettes from the pocket of his black skinny jeans, if male, or from within the folds of her voluminous black Victorian skirt, if female. If the Goth successfully lights the cigarette, summer may still be some time off. Summer can only officially be declared if the match is extinguished by 43 degrees of wind suddenly whooping down Elizabeth Street from Melton with every shred of plastic bag and piece of grime and dust south of Fawkner Cemetery caught in its maelstrom.

There's nothing like the landlocked, bitumen-baked, north wind, fan-forced ovens of Melbourne's streets to tell you that summer is here. It's a time of discomfort, displacement and disorientation. But just as Goths attempt to resist the Hades-strength winds by adapting their heavy habits and with shorter sleeves, factor 75, extra applications of black lippy, and undertakers' umbrellas, so the rest of us try to modify our behaviour as little as possible in the hope the hot weather, like summer fill in-radio hosts, will go away after a few hideous days.

Pretend as we might that we like the idea of balmy days, blue skies and barbies by the Yarra, the city, its architecture and its pasty people are better designed for the dark days of winter, of biting winds, and if we're lucky, flooding rains.

It all goes back to when John Batman sailed up the Yarra and swiped the land from the Aboriginal people. He brought blankets, not banana lounges, with him as payment and said: "This is the place for a village", not "This is a place for a villa".

So we end up living in a place that's so much more Windsor than Wurundjeri that we even named a suburb after it, not to forget that other royal house, Coburg. Our quaint ye olde village has grown into a city of Gothic churches, and cold, steel blue, wind resistant, skyscrapers beneath which lie narrow, Dickensian laneways. It might be knocking 45 outside but we'll flock there in sweaty, black-clad proximity to teeny, tiny bars and cafes where we down ales and daintily sip hot beverages in the hope the Fujitsu on force 12 will fool us into thinking it's winter again.

Come Boxing Day we move as a herd to the MCG, not so much for the cricket, but to remind ourselves of the winter game and burn our tongues on a hot meat pie and bucket of steaming chips. The alternative destination is the stampede to the Boxing Day sales whose appeal is not so much the marked-down prices on doonas and heaters but the industrial-strength air-conditioning. Some of us head for the beaches only to hang out with the same people we spent winter with huddled by the Jetmaster.

No-one's made money by building summery resorts near Melbourne, and the sight of waterside housing estates with breezy, tropical names and sad, transplanted palm trees bent pathetically over in the north wind is testament to that.

We're hard-wired for Antarctic winds, plummeting temps, and some rain and hail would be dandy too. Until then turn up the air con, think Goth, stay pale and stick your head inside the freezer.

[Onyx]

That was a fun article. =)

[Homicidalheathen]

OMG we ARE THE NEW ground hog! LOL Weather predictions! I love it!

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

How does that work, when I wear tank tops year round? Yeah, I still wear a jacket, or coat, but still.. Or does the whole wearing a coat thing cancel out the tank top? Oh well. That was a great article. It was fun. Its good to hear that we are used for something positive, and not just as the butt of someone's joke. (meaning Goth's in general)

[hunhee]

Hehe.. cute article.. You know, ever since I saw Sweeney Todd, I will never look at a meat pie the same.. ever again..

[EAF (1)]

lol...I wonder if people purposly go around trying to be the first goth if summer lol

The world is a very interesting place sometimes rofl...XD

and if you want strange meat pies read or watch Titus Andronticus by Shakespear