So What Makes A Man?

[Scales]

My opinion is that what makes a man is the sacrifice of masculinity, just like what makes a woman is the sacrifice of femininity. Children relate to each other as peers and normally lean on a constant towards the social roles that come with their gender. As an adult, a person normally will have their gender figured out and react to sexual attraction by creating a mental image of the opposite sex within themselves in order to understand/attract the opposite sex.

As far as homosexuality goes usually it *seems* like each person takes either the feminine or masculine role in those relationships.

What makes a good man would be the same moral qualities that make a good person.

[jadnifer]

Here's my problem... and we've been through this before: A woman can, and should, have these traits too. They are not exclusive to men.

Men are different from women... physically, physiologically and often emotionally. No doubt about that in my mind. But I feel like you guys are on a hunt for the old fashioned concept of "man" because people in general, and men in particular seem to be losing these qualities you espouse we should have. Yet, they are traits that ALL of us should aspire to. Honesty, courage, trustworthy, capable.. etc.

That was EXACTLY what I was thinking...thank you for putting it into words for me Marc!!

[jadnifer]

The ability to STFU and make me pancakes. You asked, I answered.

Also...men need to know that whites and darks do not go in the same load of laundry.

...()

They dont? Damn....

[jadnifer]

He CHOOSES his responsibilites thoughtfully and based on his own values and goals, not on what his preconceived notions of what a man "should" do are. He doesn't settle down with a woman he doesn't really love and put his name on mortgage papers he can't afford and drag himself to a job he hates and get his wife pregnant with a kid he doesn't want and complain every night in a bar to his buddies about his miserable life while treating his family like garbage. He doesn't coast along making no active decisions and then whine about the way his life turns out.

He asks himself what he wants in a relationship and puts thoughtful effort into finding it. If he's not ready to be a parent he lets his partner know that and understands what method of contraception they are using involves himself in the process. He takes ownership of his career and finances and doesn't blame others for decisions he has made.

He's honest about his intentions. He doesn't lead a woman to believe he loves her if he doesn't. If all he's looking for is sex, he doesn't pretend he's looking for more than that. He doesn't lie to get attention and sympathy or to make himself look like more than he is.

He doesn't feel like all women automatically owe him whatever he wants. If he's turned down, he doesn't throw a temper tantrum and lash out at her.

He doesn't cut other men down for being gay or being weaker than him or being what he feels is less masculine. He's secure enough in himself that he doesn't need to put down others to make himself feel like more of a man.

He's not bitter. He doesn't believe that all women are vicious PMS-fueled she-devils because he's had some bad experiences. He seeks to understand his own emotional baggage and not take it out on his next relationship.

He understands that trust and respect are EARNED and he seeks to earn these with ACTIONS, not just words.

He believes that marriage is a partnership. He believes that decisions about parenting, budgeting, and running a household should be made together.

He seeks to understand his partner. He is brave enough to be honest even if the truth is not what she wants to hear. He understands that people who love each other can get angry with each other and it doesn't mean the love stops. He doesn't run away from conflict. He seeks to resolve disagreements. He engages in thoughtful discussion instead of just waiting for her to shut up. If she is upset he genuinely wants to understand why instead of ignoring her feelings. He understands that IGNORING A PROBLEM MAKES IT WORSE.

I could say more, but I need to get back to work. Good topic.

These are very good traits and my boyfriend seems to have all of them. I know that was off topic, but just had to throw it in there

[creatureofthenyte]

I'm not singling you out here... just using you as an example:

AGAIN... I fail to see how 99% of the things listed so far in this thread are exclusive to men. If this discussion is about what makes a Good Man... talk about things that are the exclusive provenance of men.

Very good point Marc. It was never my intention to say or imply that all the qualities I listed in my initial reply in this thread, are/were exclusive to men only. What I said in my initial reply to this thread, was what came to mind at the time, so I went with that. Which qualities fit for men only ? that is quite the query indeed.