Life's Mysteries

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

This was sent to me, from one of the Yahoo groups that I am apart of. I thought that this was cute, and wanted to share this with y'all. Hope that this gets at least one laugh out of you. Enjoy...

Life's Mysteries

Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message 'one slice'? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?

Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not then what was the purpose of the bath?

Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say 'Its all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot'?

Why is it that when you're walking up the stairs and you get to the top you always think there's still one more step?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?

Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?

Why is it that inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened?

If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend, who really is the dumber sex?

Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year?

Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks?

How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?

Why do men forget everything and women remember everything?

Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food?

Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes? After all there's no sense in two people remembering the same things right?

Is the real reason women live longer than men because they don't have to live with women?

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to?

[predaking]

some of those are pretty funny

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

thanks, i thought that some of them were kinda cute.

[sass_in_the_pants]

Bwahaha...I like the refrigerator one.

And the reason I go back is because MAYBE the refrigerator fairy put chocolate cake in there while I wasn't looking.

[jcheeka]

I like those they are too funny

[Homicidalheathen]

.......we do the fridge thing around here........i think we are all hoping someone (me) got off her butt and went to the grocery store..I am hoping someone else did it for me......

Those were good though! Thanks for posting them.

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

thanks guys. glad you enjoyed yourself... if you have any to add, feel free to do so. you won't be stepping on any toes, I promise.

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

I'm going to try to answer these.

Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

No

Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

White is not a color. Just like black isn't a color. White is ALL colors. Look closer that those bubbles.

Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?

Yes.

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Habit.

On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message 'one slice'? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

because some people are that stupid.

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

Couple of reasons... Curiosity and Stupidity.

Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

Cause the person trying to open the bag is a moron.

How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?

Bugs are smaller than you are... Just cause you cant get it, does not mean the bugs cant.

Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not then what was the purpose of the bath?

Bacteria grow on wet cloth.

Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

Yes.

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say 'Its all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot'?

Manners.

Why is it that when you're walking up the stairs and you get to the top you always think there's still one more step?

Excuse me? You do this everytime? Do you wear a helmet?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

I do?

Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

No, there are price tags involved.

In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

Who does this?

Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?

Ofcourse there is a roght answer... just not one a male would ever think of.

Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?

because the other option is having the pants below the belly line caused by our gut.

Why is it that inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened?

OMG. Who ever wrote this is a moron.

If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend, who really is the dumber sex?

The one with a rock for a best friend. I'm going to go play with my dog now.

Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year?

Because most people are shallow bastards that feel guilt but a month a year.

Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch', but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks?

Because women fall for it.

How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?

because noone can really find anything funny to say about a girl's father wanting to kill them

Why do men forget everything and women remember everything?

Sexist much?

Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food?

Bigoted much?

Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes? After all there's no sense in two people remembering the same things right?

Again... sexist much?

Is the real reason women live longer than men because they don't have to live with women?

and again...

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to?

and again...

[torn asunder]

gaf, i'm assuming those comments were aimed at a general "you" (or the original author of the questions) as opposed to the original poster, correct!?

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

these were posted in a Yahoo group. I am a member of this group, so i received them. I thought that they were funny, jeez ppl, just ruin it for everyone. they were kinda rhetorical, not really looking for an answer, just kinda making ya think... if you want to be that big of an ass about it, guess what, you have the right to not post here, imagine that?

anywho.... back to the topic...

[Gaf The Horse With Tears]

well, yeah. I'm not that big an asshole.

[Hellion]

Why do hotdogs come 10 to a pack and hotdog buns come 8 to a pack?

[torn asunder]

well, yeah. I'm not that big an asshole.

i know - i was just making it clear for others, just in case!

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

[GothicRavenGoddess (3)]

[Corpse_Ecstasy]

Different strokes for different folks...

[Msterbeau]

I like strokes. I don't like lists.